Does anyone else feel anxious because they’re pretending to enjoy socializing?
I've always given myself a hard time about my "social anxiety". Why do I feel so awkward talking to people and how can I NOT be like this?
Yet, it catches me off guard when someone calls me "shy". I don't really see myself that way. I'm a perfectly comfortable public speaker, for example. I've realized that the anxiety isn't because of the socializing itself, it's from constantly feeling like I have to hide that I'm not interested in talking to someone while I'm talking to them.
There are only three or four people in my life right now who I enjoy talking to even after everything that has needed to be said has been said.
It would probably be nice to have more people in my life who I'm close to. At the same time, I'm also kind of fine with what I have right now. Although, all relationships end in one way or another. I worry I'd be lost without my inner circle. It would also just be nice to genuinely enjoy conversations more if nothing else.
Putting this into words makes me feel like an antisocial asshole. Maybe I am. I DO care about people generally. I want people to have happy, good lives.
Has anyone else felt this way? How do you handle it? Is it possible to make yourself become more interested in talking to people?