u/Lost_Buy_118throwawa

Does anyone else have a sibling who is also a hoarder, on top of having hoarding parents?

Today I was selling old kids clothes on Marketplace and wanted to be sure that I wasn't getting rid of things that could still fit.

My brother had previously taken a shirt out of my sell pile that, according to the size tag, was too small for him to wear.

Keeping this in mind, when I went through the closet today, I pulled out the coats and things that were too small according to the tags. I asked my 3 siblings if those items were too small.

Had the smallest try on a coat. Way too tight, wouldn't zip.

Asked my brother to try on this item that was his. After putting it on, he complained about how it was obviously too small. Reminded him of the time he took out a shirt from my sell pile (it was recent, just several weeks ago), either ignored or disregarded that.

He said "I want to donate everything we own (or something to this effect)." His room is a hoarder nightmare. There are tons of stuffed animals, dirty clothes strewn across the floor, tons and tons and tons of trinkets, toy trash that he wants to keep, toys he doesn't play with or display (still keeping), outside crap, and a shitload of cheap toys and other doodads.

I try to be sharper on donating things because they are incredibly lax. My mom will go through donate bins and pick stuff back out. My other siblings wanted to donate a toy that they didn't want, but mom told them to keep it because it was new. It had sat in the package for several months at this point.

Yes, he has gone into my room to take toys for himself, despite having this massive amount of toys that, crucially, he doesn't have space for.

He doesn't want to get rid of most of his toys, despite them causing an issue.

I went into his room to grab old clothes to wash from the two dirty clothes bins he has in there, he complained to mom that I was going in there. I was literally cleaning his room by giving him a space to put dirty clothes. Some of these items are 3, 4, 5 sizes too small.

His room and spaces are easily the worst regularly used rooms in the house.

I want to be sure before I'm posting here a bunch more.

I feel a bit like an imposter since some of y'alls stories are a lot worse than mine.

House conditions:

Garage is unusable. Covered in empty cardboard boxes, 3/4 to the ceiling in place. Was cleared out halfway several years ago, but has since been filled with furniture. Only accessable thing is the lawnmower.

Toy room has toys covering the floor and every spot.

Parents room has clothes piles from knee to chest high with paths sometimes showing the floor. Walk in closet has knee high clothes, old clothes, shelves, miscellaneous items, shoes.

Hallway always covered in clean clothes unless I fold them.

No pet fur at any point due to no pets in the house.

One HP has Macross modeling kits, likely 10k+ worth retail. A lot of these are unbuilt. They cover 1 room, chest high storage and a full shelf and table, with one spot open for assembly. The basement is about halfway full of these kits. Same HP also has partially filled the office space with these same kits.

Difficult to access office printer due to objects in the way.

Attic is completely empty.

Basement is unfinished.

Several unfinished projects (basement, setting up game console for playroom, moving dresser for Jane, fixing closet to hang clothes, unfinished crafts, building street fighter arcade machine)

Basement used to be a lot more cluttered, I partially cleared it out a few years ago. Currently being restuffed with camping supplies, chairs, and other items.

A lot of DVDs that we use on occasion. Dozens of them, yet we only use around 10 of them consistently (holiday movies.) At least 3 copies of Elf. Neither will get rid of the vast majority / any of these DVDs.

1 shower and 1 toilet have been unusable for over a decade and a few years respectively.

Parents bathroom counter had not been cleared in so long there was green stuff growing on it. Nasty. Took me and a sibling a few hours to clear a counter. Is slowly being brought back to it's old state.

We have a dresser that has sat in the garage for years. Jane has had a dresser that has been broken for longer. The closet hanger is supposedly broken as well. When folding clothes for Jane, clothes is put in a pile in front of the dresser. This pile is about 1/3 to 1/2 the size of the dresser.

Had 4 broken lawn mowers at one point. These have since been trashed.

Laundry room is covered in clothes. Has been cleared at least two times from what I remember, has gone back to the way it was.

Several bins of dirty clothes around the second floor.

More books than can fit on the bookshelves we own on the house.

There is working water, HVAC, and electricity. House does not have termites, roaches, mice, rats, etc.

Possible HPs John and Jane

John has all of the toy kits and hobby things.

Takes only a little time to mess up often used spaces (leaving trash around, papers, etc.) Takes years to fully ruin large cleanings (like basement and garage clear out.)

No significant attachment to obvious trash.

HPs will joke about cardboard boxes in garage.

Jane has a hard time letting go of food. Does not like being asked about donating food pantry stuff (has used Covid as an excuse for why keeping all the food is a good idea.) Pantry, extra shelf to right of pantry, identical shelf outside of pantry, fridge and freezer are not enough space to hold all of the food. There are 6 of us.

Jane does not like being asked to donate things. Too tiring / annoying. Has consistently disliked this for several years.

John will not get rid of his old college textbooks for his medical degree because he might need the information in them one day.

Downstairs closet is currently unusable. Filled knee to hip high with new paper towels, camping items, and coats. Has been cleaned to emptiness before.

Jane will leave trash in random places, even disgusting trash that does not belong on countertops.

Jane wanted to keep party hats and streamers for another party, despite us not really having space for it. These supplies ended up being cut up by a sibling for crafts.

John grew up with a things hoarder father.

Jane grew up with an extreme minimalist (threw good things away when angry) animal hoarder.

There is a large, stressful clean before holidays that we host. Lots of cleaning before Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes Easter.

John will occasionally trash a lot of things in a space, usually during a big clean. These items are actually thrown away.

Jane claims that we have more hobbies than her and other people have more crafts than she does, comparing herself to people who have rooms upon rooms of fabric, acting as if this is the baseline for fabric crafters.

Each blame the other and the kids for the house not being clean.

Neither parent has been diagnosed with BPD or NPD, nor do I suspect them of having these conditions. Jane had depression and ADHD.

Please help me not feel crazy / overreacting.

Ask for more details if you need clarification.

I'm nowhere near this time in life, but when it comes time for my parents to need caregivers, they are never going to live with me. I don't trust either of them to not hoard out my space.

They can ask to live with my siblings or some other relative. If they need more than that, they can go to a nursing home.

Nope. No no no no no.

Just did this.

I thought about asking HP about therapy and another commenter said that it wouldn't work. I didn't believe them, or I didn't want to believe them.

I sat down HP and started conversation about another person he knows that hoards.

But they turned the conversation around on how I collect way more things than they do (I collect sports cards, comic books, PS1 games, and Macross kits). Their collection of crafts is far, faaar less that other people (they are comparing themselves to the largest collections of multiple rooms.) When I mention the basement filled with empty boxes, he gets defensive and says that he should have help from a spouse.

They were politely listening to me at first but I could tell they didn't seem fully "in it."

The issue is that I'm moving out but there are 3 younger siblings (5, 7, and 8 years younger than me.) If the hoard is the only issue (neither parent has a major personality disorder, no NPD BPD etc) what do I do?

Should I call child services in my area? I'm worried that it will ruin my relationship with my parents forever. I really want to keep this relationship.

Should I call the family friend to ask if they will take them in should services agree that this is bad? This was the plan should something ever happen to my parents. How can I get it so that my siblings never go into state care?

The info I would give social services would mostly be of inside the house(meaning how did someone else report it), and I'm not sure services would do anything other than make my parents pissed.

1 toilet and 1 shower are not used do to repair issues that have existed a few years and over a decade respectively. There are other bathrooms and showers that work. Most food is not moldy / expired. The entire basement is unusable. Completely filled with boxes.

1 kid's room is completely covered in stuff. The other two rooms are acceptable.

I realized, the more I think, our house seems more like level 3 than level 2. There are multiple unusable spots.

What do I do? Please help me.

My parents have been hoarders as long as I can remember. My mom is Level 2 and my dad is Level 1. Each blame the other and the kids for the mess. Mom has ADHD and depression.

My little brother feels like he is turning into a hoarder as well. I'll try to get him to donate toys or go through them myself and he'll complain and take things out of the box. He will freak out when you touch his toy setups even though he has left them there for months. He monopolizes shared playsets. His room is filled with trinkets and toys and rocks and dirty clothes and stuffed animals. He makes crafts out of trash, including food wrappers and paper towels. He will cut paper into a million tiny pieces. He gets upset when someone else touches this stuff.

I can count on one hand the amount of friends I've had over in my entire life. Never had a sleepover at my house.

I have autism, which makes the hoard's chaos even worse because I need structure that a hoard cannot provide.

Parents wonder why I have issues with my friends when I can literally NEVER invite them over. They'll say if we get the house clean we can invite people over but that shit's a pipe dream.

I already have few friends due to autism and locking out one of the few free ways to spend time with someone makes having friends a lot harder.

The garage is unusable. It is filled to the brim with boxes upon boxes. There are likely boxes that have been there for 20+ years. The only spot that is usable is the spot where the lawn mower is.

My mom will buy or get furniture that doesn't have a space and it just sits in the garage or the basement. We have a dresser that is just sitting there in the basement while Mom's dresser and closet are broken, so when folding clothes she just has me put it in front.

My mom will also be very against me asking her to donate things. She says it's too tiring. I'll ask her to donate my stuff and she'll go "nooo... it's nice, nooo... it's from grandma, nooo... you can still use that..." It's my shit let me get rid of it. Mom will want to keep sizes that my siblings currently fit into but won't by the next season. Mom will want to keep plus size clothes for the youngest, who isn't plus sized. They wear size 10 to 12, they are not going to fit well in a 10 to 12 plus.

My mom is starting to buy things from Temu. She doesn't see my fears. A hoarder and an app meant to addict you to shopping are absolutely terrible together.

We have tons and tons of clothes. My parents' room is covered in clothes. There are a few pathways to get around and that's it. It's about knee high to chest high, depending on the area. The hallway is usually littered with clean clothes. My clothes storage is bursting and mom is confused on why I don't want new formal wear or school clothes.

We never clean for the sake of it. It is always cleaning for dad, cleaning for relatives at Christmas, cleaning for family visits. This means that we really only clean 2 to 3 times a year and it is always so rushed and stressful.

I don't think my parents realize how much damage this has done to me. They will talk about how disappointing it is that I am going to go to college far away and tell me to go to my local community college because it has good programs and it will be far cheaper. I CAN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE.

... I feel like part of the reason they want me to stay is because they are thinking "oh shit, we have been relying on OP for chores and stuff and helping with the siblings... OP is leaving now... Fuck..."

My three siblings have disabilities that make cleaning harder but not impossible (ADHD, focus issues.) They are also 5, 7 and 8 years younger than me. I don't know if I was parentified, but they'll make a "joke" about having another boy and that really triggers something in me. I'll tell them not to joke about that and they'll say I'm sensitive, and if I do this around my friends, I won't have any. But my friends respect me if I ask them to not make a joke.

I notice how they expect far more out of me than my siblings, even when I was their age. It feels like I do things that my parents did not do for me because I am there and they do not need to get up. (Instead of mowing the whole lawn like how I did, Mom will say that me and a sibling should split it. Instead of just walking upstairs, Mom will tell me to go upstairs with my siblings because they are afraid of the dark.) They have me do these things for them because I'm there. They wouldn't do it on their own.

I hate this so much and I am so ready to leave.