Am I being petty?
So long story short, the relationship between SS (11) and I has deteriorated over the past year or so. I've effectively been used as the scapegoat for him not wanting to come over. We're talking very minor reasons, like once I asked him to pick a smaller pumpkin at Halloween. These issues are always relayed to DH by BM. Over time, I've felt more and more uncomfortable around him, for fear of saying/doing something that will be used against me later to the point I've totally stepped back. Every time I do start to feel more relaxed, something else gets brought up. Last weekend, DH made a joke towards SS. I had no idea there was any problem until SD tells us that SS didn't want to come because of said joke, and that it was "mainly" because of me. I made one tiny comment off the back of DH's joke. I just feel totally done. I've really tried, but at this point I don't even want to engage in conversation with SS. I don't want to go to his sports events or make him special meals or buy him thoughtful gifts. I know it might sound petty, he's a child, I'm an adult but I don't have the capacity to keep giving when it gets thrown back in my face. When I can't relax in my own home when he's here. When things like this happen with my SS I just feel deflated. DH is great, he's supportive and he has all the right conversations but SS and me just don't gel. I have two very young children myself to look after, I have a SD who I get along great with, I feel like they need to be my focus.