I just found this subreddit and it feels surreal
For almost 30 years I was suffering when trying to find the right words to describe how I feel and how I remember. I always told people that I don't remember the scenes, but I remember facts about these scenes. Like, I don't remember being in England as a child, but judging by what I know, I've been there 3 times.
And it always pained me that I could remember events that should have been important to me. How I first met my husband and how we had our first date, how I got a cat I dreamed of, how I got my degree - nothing, simply nothing.
I have short pictures in my head sometimes, but always the scenery, not the people in it. And it's like one photo, not a scene or something. I just don't remember what I felt, how I felt at all. I usually have a short summary of what happened in my head, so I think I know what I should have felt, but that's it.
And now, all of this has a name. From one hand, I am heartbroken to find out that I can't "fix" my memory and things which are lost are most likely lost forever. But now that I know the name, I think I can try to look at the tools which helped someone else, and maybe in the end, I'll stop feeling like a stranger in my own life.
I never knew I needed a name this much. But now at least I don't feel that lonely anymore.