u/Low-Estate-709

To give context for how my partner and I think. I am hopeful (kinda) and my partner is borderline nihilistic, also they kind of contradict themself, like they are sweet to me most of the time then other times they will be annoyed at me and will even say harsh things that I know they don't mean, like I hate you stuff like that. And I specifically made it so that our gender is obscure so that there is no gender bias.

My partner and I are just casually talking and they sent me a tiktok of a girl living alone and having the time of her life. They then asked me " 'what if my feelings changed', 'what if I want to live like that?' 'Like there's no us', 'I'll live independently'' then I asked them what made them think like that. They replied to me "nothing it's just we've been together since junior high school" (for context we're 23 and 22 years old we've been together since we were 16) I replied nothing to them and they said " 'I was never alone', 'what if I suddenly crave for it' " then I asked them if will they and they said "I feel so".

I told them that I know to myself that I won't feel like that because from the start they're the one I want to be with. They said sorry and I asked them "Do you honestly feel like you're missing out because of me? Like do you really feel that I'm holding you back?". They replied no and said " 'it's not about that', 'it's about independency' 'I can't, as long as I'm with you' 'I rely on you for everything' 'I'm sorry'".

I basically told them that shouldn't that be good since I'm being reliable and that's basically my job as their partner. And then I told them that I never once get jealous of those types of videos because I know to myself that I'll be lonely without them in my dream job, house, or even condo.

"It's just I'm just curious if one day I'll be able to have a stable non stressful job and I owned a condo here in the city, I'm living alone, I'm good looking, I have money, and I still have the energy to do things after my shift. Like how can you not love life"

I told them that they'll be sure to love life, it's just from the way they're talking it's like they're not including me in they're dream. They said sorry and reiterate that that's just one of their dreams. Then I said that I agree that that is their dream and we should pursue our own dreams. But for me shouldn't our dreams align with what we have and what we are currently in life? Like take me for example I dreamed that dream of them once but ever since I found them I have my dreams to be able to be married to them and do a lot of things with them in the future.

Then they told me they don't like relying on me for our future. "I don't want to be a freeloader on you". I told them "I'm not stopping you from finding your own job, I won't stop you from pursuing your goals, all I want is to be with you" (I have my own job right now and we're both finishing college, just wanna let you guys know since from the way I'm speaking to them it seems like I don't have a dream of mine and only fantasies). They replied "I get you, but I still can't help to think that I hope someday I'll be like that, I don't need to be super rich. I just want to be good looking, a non stressful job, owned condo in the city, and to always be full of energy." "The crave for independency is killing me" "Oh I know, let's live on different houses" I asked them that I can be a stay at home partner and they said "I don't want someone relying on me, I just want me myself and I, but you know, it's only a phase so let me be."

I am the kind of person who overthinks a lot, but since communication is key I always say to them what I am thinking of so I said "baby I'm so sorry if I'm overthinking this but are you saying all of that because you're bored in our relationship?". They replied "it's more boring to be alone, you don't have to overthink this cause that's just my dream it's not yours."

I keep on telling them that I have seen so many tiktoks just like that but I've never once got jealous of them because I really want to be able to be with them in the future. They replied "you don't need to understand everything, you don't know how to be a girls girl/guys guy, so I'm not forcing you to get it okay?"

Then I'm rambling on about if I said this and that without including you in it what would you feel to which they replied "your overthinking is ruining the mood, you don't need to overexplain/analyze everything, it's your problem." I told them "you said you wanted to live alone and even suggested we live on different houses, when we're dreaming of living together for such a long time." They just replied "you keep overexplaining every damn thing, like it is my dream, why are you explaining things?"

"I told you it's ONE of my dreams, sometimes let your partner daydream, you don't have to be included always, that's not how life works, and for the second time it is my dream, stop overexplaining/analyzing things."

"I will not be entertaining your overthinking right now, I'm telling you my dreams yet you're like that, why why why why, why, coz bro you are not"

"I also have a dream of us living together, what? I can't have multiple dreams? You want me to be miserable if that dream of us living together didn't work out, I'm not your life you are not my life, don't make me your life"

I asked them what do they mean by not working out "I want the best for you, for us, why would I want to make you miserable?" They replied "cause not everything in life works the way you intended to, whatever you do it won't work. OMG why you keep overexplaining/analyzing everything? It is one of my dreams OMG"

"So it is one of your dreams because you are readying yourself in case we don't work out?" They replied yes.

"You want me to be lovey dovey, but that is not how life works, you need to be prepared for everything."

I am talking to them: "I get that it is your dream I really do, and I believe you, it's just when you suggested that we live in different houses, I'd get it if it was your past dream, but you are telling it to me because that's what you are thinking of right now, not what you WERE thinking back then"

"Yes, I am telling it to you in terms of what I think of right now, and it is one of my dreams to be independent and single, you get it?"

I said to them "there's preparedness and there's ready to leave at a moments notice"

To which they replied "end of conversation, I don't care about your dream, it is my dream, let me freaking dream, I know sooner or later I'll forget about this."

I'm talking to them: "Yes I get that, but don't you get how it affects your partner?"

"IT IS MY DREAMS, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH MY DREAMS, BRO YOU CAN DREAM ALONE IF YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE"

To which I said to them "Imagine your friend who is in a relationship told you that one of their dreams is to be single and independent. Wouldn't you feel iffy about that statement made by your friend?"

They replied "I'm not going to say it if I can't face it, omg, why do you love to argue? I'M JUST TELLING YOU ONE OF MY DREAMS. OMG IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR DREAM"

I replied "I find it hard to believe that why you couldn't see my point of view, like you are in a relationship and one of your dreams is to be single and successful."

"CAUSE I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT IS NOT MY ONLY DREAM, are you dumb or what? I don't live like your fantasy world. You're like an out of touch person. You expect relationships to last. Even if we got married, do you think that I'll forever think of you that you're my endgame? I'm not like that. I'm not shit like you."

So I replied "did you just date me for the experience? You're not dating me because you really want to be with me? Why couldn't you understand where I'm coming from?"

"I'M DATING YOU BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD WANTS, DATE, GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS, BUILD A FAMILY, DIE, DONE"

I replied to them "Baby I know we're in a relationship but ONE OF MY DREAMS is to live a successful and single life. Don't you feel anything in that statement?"

They replied "I still stand on my point. Even if we got married, I will never think of you as my endgame" I cried a little bit after reading that, because wdym? Maybe they don't mean it but still it hurt.

"I don't believe in endgame shit"

They then replied to what I said to them earlier about me asking them if they don't feel anything in that statement "YESSSSS, YESSSSSSSS UGGGGHHH, I WANT TO BE SINGLE AND RICH"

I asked them "why do you always want to be single?"

"I'M FREE AND I DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, I MEAN EVER SINCE BACK THEN SOOOOO...... It just kept on going (our relationship) but it's fine. I don't care. It's either rich and single or to live with you.... choices choices choices. If one won't work I have another one yes" (I know at that point they are in their attitude where they are trying to hurt me with their words because they know I'm sensitive around them)

I then replied to them "Never once in our relationship did I thought about leaving you just to live alone and be rich and successful. I've always included you in my dreams because YOU'RE my dream. Why couldn't you understand that you saying "it's one of my dreams to be a successful single individual", hurts me not because it is one of your dreams but because you thought of it right now, while you're in a relationship with me"

They just replied "I'm not going to read that. It's a lot. My dreams are my dreams. Your dreams are yours. It's that simple. To be single and rich or to be with you lol. Either way I don't care"

They then read what they said they wouldn't and replied "Bro like I said, don't make me your dream, cause you are not my dream, the way you think is shit, you need to change that, life is too harsh for you to think like that. Good night, luvyaaaa. Change your mindset. Make good choices" (like I said earlier at that point I know they are in their attitude where they are extra harsh towards me because they're just annoyed at me and want to end the conversation)

It is very long because I don't want for you guys to misinterpret anything, If it is on capslock that is how we typed it in chat.

Now that you know the full context I just wanna know if me being sad at their dream is me being an asshole because I do get that it is their dream, I just hoped that I am a part of it since we've been together for 7 years.

tldr: my partner watched a tiktok of a girl enjoying her life as a successful single woman and said one of their dreams is to live independently and be rich, I got sad because they suggested for us to live in different houses and one of our dreams is to live together.