my mom is cheating and idk what to do
i found out when i was 16yo, she was helping me straighten my hair while she was on a call, she talked in such an ambiguous way i didn’t put much attention to it thinking it was one of her friends but after a while i noticed that she was talking to a guy from the voice, i thought it was my dad but i paused and asked myself “why is she talking to him as a she ?” i felt my heart sink in and i didn’t know what to do, i started noticing more stuff and how much she would be on her phone 24/7 and other things until one day i gained the courage to talk to my older brother, he texted her immediately to asl her when she was out and she laughed it off and said that i am imagining it and she was talking to a delivery guy, she called me after crying telling me that if my dad hear about it its all gonna be over and that she was only helping a friend to “test” her husband for her and the dumb 16yo me believed her and cried so hard because i just wanted anything to believe but the fact that my mom is cheating on my dad, they both love each other dearly and my dad is the best dad i could ever have.. i used to cry so hard at school from the thought of her leaving so i just believed her and i was so happy until one day i noticed the same patterns on her again, i didn’t know how to confront her myself, now my brother thinks i am a sensitive crybaby who imagined stuff because of her lie and i know if i told him again he wont do good or believe me because he still jokes about it till this day, i just held it all in me and now i am almost 22, the same cycle the same patterns same everything, now i am suspicious that she has a serious relationship outside the marriage and that she go out with him and he knows us all, she talk to him so freely around us thinking nobody would notice cuz who would think about that ? but i know, i am not a kid anymore i know when someone does that and acts like a teenager, i know his name i know everything but i just dont know how to talk to her, i still love her to death and sometimes i totally forgot myself and have good time with her but the moment she just holds her phone next to me i feel repulsive and i cant bring myself to look at her. i dont trust her anymore, when she kisses my dad or when they spend time in front of me i feel like i wanna pluck my eyes out, i start sweating and crying uncontrollably under the shower thinking about it.. today i went out with her and my little sister but she ended up chatting with him right next to me and my eyes fell on their chat and my face literally turned completely and i felt like puking, i had to walk out and breathe and i acted natural after.
i cant live like this anymore so i thought about asking one of my friends to drive me to my relatives house tomorrow and i will send her a long message to confront her and to explain that i wont be back home until she does something about what she is doing, i am done and sick acting like i am the parent and i am so over putting her first just because she is my mother and i believe its my time to act and do whats best for me, idc what she does wether to tell my dad or break up with her lover and stop doing it. even if she cries and tells me that she will stop i dont think i will trust her and all of this will still be graved in me till the day i die..