u/Low_Yam1509

Hi there. Good day. I’m looking for some Christian perspective because I’ve been struggling with this mentally and spiritually.

For years I practiced Law of Assumption/LOA. I genuinely believed that my thoughts, assumptions, emotions, and beliefs could create my reality. Because of that, I became really afraid of fear itself. I was taught that doubt, negative thoughts, or fear could manifest the things I didn’t want.

Recently, I got much closer to God. A big part of that happened after I got my genetic results and it honestly felt like a stab in my heart. After years of caring for my mom, I found out I too.. have the genetic expansion associated with Spinocerebellar Ataxia Type 2 (SCA2). I know exactly how horrible it is. It’s a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects movement, coordination, speech, swallowing, etc. My mom has gotten to the point where she can’t walk, feed herself, needs help with basically everything, has a g tube, dementia and she’s in a nursing facility. She's only 43.

My repeat count is also high, and even my doctors don’t really understand how I have no symptoms. One doctor literally told me, ""oh you should have been in a wheelchair 10 years ago.”" So even though I’m asymptomatic, my results have been very confusing. Imagine hearing that..

Now I’m pregnant, and there’s a 50% chance my baby could inherit it. I had an amniocentesis specifically to find out if my baby has the gene or not, and right now I’m just in limbo waiting for the results. And this is what scares me so much. 50% feels like a LOT to me. I already feel like I got on the wrong side of the coin myself, and now I’m waiting to see if my baby did too.

And I know people might say “but even if she has it, there are treatments/research/etc.” but this disease is horrible and I can’t just pretend it isn’t. Children who develop severe/juvenile SCA2 can have devastating disease, and some affected children do not survive into adulthood. That’s something I have to sit with while waiting for my baby’s results. I’ve watched what this disease does to my own mom.

At the same time, I’m getting attached to my baby. I know she’s a girl now. I’m getting free diapers and baby girl clothes from people and I’m genuinely happy about it. I’m excited and I want to prepare for her. But then I get scared and think, “What if something happens? What if I get too attached? What if she inherited it?” And then my old LOA beliefs immediately come back. I’ll think, “I can’t think like this. Fear attracts what you fear. What if I’m manifesting it? What if I’m doubting too much?”
I practiced LOA for so long that this is genuinely ingrained in me. It’s hard to just stop thinking that way.

Getting my genetic results actually made me realize how much I had been trying to believe I was the creator of my own world and that I could control everything. When I got a result that I absolutely could not control, it felt like that belief completely fell apart. I don't know why I got this news.. but I know it actually brought me closer to God. I realized I don’t want to be responsible for controlling everything. I want to trust God.

But now I’m confused because many Christians say “do not fear,” - if you fear you're doubting God. Then, I hear people say you need faith, even faith the size of a mustard seed. So what am I supposed to do when I’m genuinely scared? Is being afraid itself a lack of faith? Is having a fearful thought a sin? Because I don’t want to keep policing every thought I have because I’m scared that one wrong thought will somehow cause something bad to happen. That feels like LOA all over again, just with God involved, and I don’t want that.

I want to actually surrender this to God instead of trying to control everything. I know I can’t control the genetic outcome. I know God isn’t a manifestation technique. But I’m still scared, and I don’t know what genuine Christian faith is supposed to look like when you’re waiting for something this serious. How do you trust God while still being afraid?

TL;DR: I practiced LOA for years and became scared of fear because I believed negative thoughts could manifest bad things. After finding out I have the SCA2 gene expansion, like my mom who is severely affected, I became much closer to God. I’m now pregnant and there’s a 50% chance my baby inherited it. I had an amnio and I’m waiting for the results. I’m terrified because I know how horrible this disease can be, but I’m also getting attached and preparing for my baby. My old LOA mindset makes me scared that even having fear or doubt could somehow cause something bad to happen. I want to trust God without turning Christianity into LOA. How do you have faith and surrender to God while still genuinely being afraid?

Hi everybody. I hope this post is okay here.

I'm just looking for some support and prayers. If you're not religious - I am sorry really any support or words are incredibly appreciated!

I'm 21 years old and recently found out I tested positive for SCA2, which I inherited from my mom. It's been a really hard thing to process.

To make it even more overwhelming, I found out I was pregnant the exact same day I got my results.

This Monday l'Il be having an amniocentesis to see if my baby inherited the SCA2 gene. I'm incredibly nervous and scared, so if you could keep me and my baby in your prayers, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

I’m completely new to all of this, but I would really like to start building a relationship with Santa Muerte and I’m looking for genuine advice from people who are experienced. Please be kind because this is extremely personal to me.

Recently, I got genetic testing done because my mother has SCA2, a very serious neurodegenerative disease. The test was done through saliva and I found out in a really cold and honestly incorrect-feeling way. For example, the foundation for this disease offers the free testing -> you go through company for genetic testing / counseling -> they order the test, you test at home -> send to a lab. But in my case, i waited WEEKS and nothing. I called the genetic testing / counseling company they tell me they don't have the results but to call the lab. I called the lab they say the results were posted weeks ago and sent to the foundation. WTF? Like why didn't i get them first? anyways.. they send me the results it says im a carrier.

My family and even my heart are telling me to retest through blood later on because usually diagnosing things like this involves multiple MRIs, neurologists, etc. The test I took was mostly to see if I’m a carrier, but I seriously doubt everything right now and feel confused and devastated. I’m only 20 years old.

I should probably explain why I feel drawn toward Santa Muerte specifically. When I was around 14-16, I became heavily interested in spirituality, deities, tarot, manifestation, white magic, etc. I worked with Aphrodite and Maa Kali especially. I genuinely believe the mind is powerful and that thoughts can shape reality in ways people underestimate.

During that time, I was going through horrible things. Covid happened, I didn’t even get to finish a full normal year of high school, I was being cyberbullied, depressed, suicidal, and I was also caregiving for my very sick mother. Despite everything, I tried really hard to mature emotionally. I would tell myself things like people hurting you is a reflection of them, not you and I would focus on self--improvement and spirituality.

Around that time, I started having random dreams involving skulls and owls. Eventually, I began dreaming about Santísima Muerte herself. I remember explaining these dreams to a friend whose mother is a devotee, and she told me that she's calling out to me. But honestly, I got scared.

I had heard terrifying stories online like sacrificing babies or loved ones, and as a kid that pushed me away completely. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.

Then when I turned 20, my life turned so upside down.

My mother was put on hospice even though she wasn’t actively dying at the time. My family didn’t really understand what hospice actually meant. My dad genuinely thought it just meant nurses helping care for her at home. My mom weighed under 80 pounds at this point. Before hospice she was not bedridden, but afterward she became bedridden and was given doses of morphine. When we questioned it, they told us it was basically a watered down version and not strong like surgery morphine.
Then my mom stopped talking.. stopped recognizing me.

This destroyed me because she used to call me “mama” since I took care of her so much. Suddenly she didn’t know who I was anymore.

Another thing that deeply affected me was that my mom would randomly tell me, La calavera.. ahí está detrás de ti” the skull behind you " but only when we were alone together. I would get really unsettled but part of me was like she's already having memory loss maybe she's imagining things.

I miss my mom so much. I’ve spent most of my life longing for a mother figure and I genuinely have a deep mother wound. That’s part of why this feels so emotional and serious to me.

The night before I got my genetic results, I had a dream that I was drowning, but I felt peaceful. But... this l especially shook me because when I was around 12 years old, I actually drowned in real life. I was underwater for a long time. There was no lifeguard around and a janitor cleaning nearby ended up saving me. I’m still grateful to him to this day.

At first drowning hurt horribly. Your lungs burn and you panic thinking I’m going to die.. you fight to get up.. But eventually something changed. I stopped fighting it and suddenly it felt peaceful. I remember hearing my grandfather’s voice in Spanish saying, It’s not your time yet. I KNOW it was him instantly because I couldn't remember his voice.. he passed when I was 4. It was also dark outside already, around 6 PM, but I swear I saw light. Then suddenly I felt pain in my lungs again and realized I was back near the shallow side of the pool.

For years afterward I wasn’t scared of death or drowning anymore because of how peaceful it felt after acceptance.

Before my results came in, I also kept having random dreams throughout this past week involving Santa Muerte even when I wasn’t actively thinking about her. I dreamed I was visiting my mom at her nursing home. Through the window I saw darkness and smoke underneath it. I walked closer to the window like put my whole face on the window and saw Santa Muerte so clearly standing there. I gasped, backed away from the window, and woke up immediately.

That was the moment I thought: maybe I should stop ignoring this.

Between the dreams, the owls, my mom mentioning skulls behind me, and this overwhelming feeling in my heart, I finally decided I want to begin.

I really don’t believe I’m destined to suffer exactly the way my mother did. I plan to retest eventually through blood after some time has passed because emotionally this has shattered me.

But more than anything, I feel desperate for comfort, guidance, and a motherly presence in my life. I know Santa Muerte is not something to play with casually and I take this very seriously.

Does anyone have genuine advice for a complete beginner approaching respectfully? Or does anybody have any similar stories?

I truly feel in my heart that she may help mend the broken parts of me. But I also do want to petition her that I am not a carrier for this disease, I don't know a lot of her but somehow I have so much faith in her i can't explain it it's like so deep I know she can protect me and I will respect her, love her and treat her like my mother. I always thought I was going to die before 21 like an intuition. When I got the results all I thought about was that.. this is the reason i'm not making it past 21. But i'm honestly reframing this shit my old self will die before i'm 21 not my body. Idk if this is the right thinking but i'm ready to dive into this.

Please don't me mean or rude to me about this and I am so sorry if I come across as uneducated. I'm trying my best to learn.

Hi everyone, (please delete if not allowed)

I’m 20 years old and in California. Im seeking some advice because im honestly lost on what to do..

So I started at community college as a psych major and worked really hard, graduating with a 4.0 and transferring to UCLA. I received strong scholarships (Regents and Chancellor’s), and my financial aid package is around $30k and this is money I get to keep after paying for tuition etc. My original plan was to become a psychologist, and I’ve genuinely been interested in psych for a long time.

Recently, my situation at home changed a lot. My mom’s health declined. She went from hospice to being hospitalized, and now she is in a skilled nursing facility. I have been one of her main caregivers since I was young. I also have a younger brother with autism and hearing difficulties, and I have taken on a major role in caring for him. On top of that, my home life is not stable at all, and I do not have much support from my father. Right now, I am getting paid to care for my brother, but I know I need to become financially independent long term.

Because of everything going on, I had to withdraw from UCLA. There was also very limited flexibility with online options, which made it difficult to balance school with caregiving responsibilities.

Now I am rethinking everything. I still have the option to go back and finish my psych degree at UCLA, which feels hard to walk away from given the work I put in and the scholarships I received. At the same time, I am realizing that becoming a psychologist would require several more years of school, and I do not know if I can afford that timeline right now. My other plan was to go to medical school.. but honestly It's still the same timeline (if not-MORE).

The other option I am considering is going back to community college, switching to nursing prerequisites, and eventually applying to a nursing program. I have also thought about ADN or LVN programs so I can enter the workforce faster. My concern is that it might feel like I am starting over or getting stuck in the “almost there” stage again after already spending two years at community college.

To be honest, I’ve always been drawn to nursing because I’ve been in caregiving roles most of my life, and I feel like I could handle that kind of responsibility. When I first started community college, I was still caring for my mom, so I didn’t think nursing was realistic for me because of how demanding it is. Now that she’s gone, I feel this EMPTY space/void, and part of me wants to keep caring for others in that way.

I’d also be lying if I said stability isn’t a big factor for me

So... in summary I am trying to decide between finishing what I started at UCLA or pivoting to nursing. Regardless of what I choose to do, I still feel a calling to nursing.. honestly i'm super scared because i'm turning 21 soon and I feel like I'm wasting time :/

If you were in my position, what would you do?

Thank you.