Insecure about wanting bottom surgery because of something my partner and roommate said (18+)
So my partner (23nb) my roommate (20nb) and I (20m) were on the way to pick up some fast food the other night and I had mentioned how I don’t have bottom dysphoria (that i notice anyway) but i have rlly bad penis envy. I would be completely fine if i never got bottom surgery it affects my daily life none and i would not be upset by the fact, but having a penis would be so gender affirming for me. I want to be able to stand when i piss or get a hardon. I get major gender envy from cis femboy for example.
After saying this my partner brought up the fact that I’m a bottom and my roommate had made a joke about if i got a penis i wouldn’t actually use it. After them saying this my partner kind of agreed and told me i shouldn’t get a dick if i’m not even gonna use it. after i argued that I would use it and I actually do get the urge to top sometimes im just insecure and overthink everything, topping ends up overwhelming me. They just kept kinda laughing and telling me that I was a bottom
My partner is a switch and they sometimes bring up how they wished they had someone to dominate them because they sometimes wanna bottom and i totally get that but now feel really insecure for being a bottom and feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to have a penis because i’m not even gonna fuck anybody with it. And some days feel like i’m not even a real man i just present masculinely. i still act feminine and follow my feminine roots but that’s just bc that’s who I am i don’t want to change my personality to fit in.
I don’t know what to do, i haven’t told them what they said upset me but it’s all i’ve been able to think about since the conversation happened.
EDIT: A lot of people have seemed to think that my partner thinks you can’t bottom w a penis. They are amab and a switch ofc they know you can bottom with one, they used to bottom a lot more when they were younger. They also do support me and respect me, i love my partner v much and we both support each others transitions and other things in life. I personally think it was a joke brought up by my roommate that my partner took a little too far. Me and them have talked and they have apologized stating that’s not the way they meant it but they’re going to not make jokes about my transition anymore.