u/LtoloxaAxolotl

Requesting $50 today, will pay back $60 Friday evening. Message for venmo

You've been gone nearly 3 months, and I still can't find the balance between the anger at everything you did and the grief that you're not here anymore. I wanted to be able to make things right, to see you get better. But now I just have to sit in this mess that was left behind.

I hate when I'm angry

I hate when I'm not

I hate that I can't

Just give up on these thoughts

I hate what you did

I hate that you're gone

I mostly just hate

I can't fix what is wrong

"In sickness and health"

Meant nothing to you

So I hate it's ingrained

In all that I do

You may be gone now

But one thing rings true

It's obvious I cared

A lot more than you

Be it physical, mental, emotional, etc

If I'm in pain, my brain sits outside of it. It's why I never react appropriately to broken bones or illness or breakups.

And I think it's why I haven't properly grieved my husband.

And I hate it so much, but I don't know how to fix it.