Any virtual support groups or therapy circles for wives of mother enmeshed husbands ?
This is brutal, miserable and depressing and unless you’ve been in it you don’t know how much an absolute long term mindf**** it is.. especially to try to describe what’s “wrong”..
It’s death by a thousand paper cuts and after almost 19 years (been togther since 21 and have 3 kids).. the betrayal and resentment I just cannot cope with. What hurts worse is we did 8 years of marriage therapy and became a united front and he halfway broke out of it.. set boundaries,. Etc,, then we had a trauma and wow.. it’s a 180 I cannot even describe and like his mom hijacked his brain.
I feel sorry for him because he’s not a narcissist and is a fearful avoidant who has been ruined by his mother,. And whatever insane regression has been triggered I cannot seem to bring him out of. Marriage therapist privately eluded to CPTSD but it’s weird because he functions normal at work and stuff.
This dynamic is so devastating I’d rather have been with a husband who cheated on me and divorced that way.
I want nothing more than to divorce these disgusting dynamics and I’m so angry I’ve wasted my precious lfie being stuck in this and there is NO rationalizing, understanding or logic with these people.. you either accept being treated like a sidekick surrogate and hand over your kids to be sucked into this cult and just lie down and take being mistreated OR you’re the bad guy and going to be painted as such.
It doesn’t make sense. Enmeshment doesn’t make sense. No matter how much of a bigger person you are, how much therapy you do, how much you strive to understand.. when you’ve got a jealous and passive aggressive MIL she makes sure she has already pitted everyone against you including the husband you have your kids with.. the worst is when they’re a vulnerable narcissists ..
God id give anything to have messed up marrying into anything else.. and i dont want to sound like im minimizing cheating.. I know that deeply hurts (been cheated on by exes) but somehow for me would feel much more cut and dry than dealing with this and would not destroy my mind and physical health.. if that makes sense at all.
The part that really hurts is I’ve seen him start turning into the man he was meant to be thru the years in therapy.. he cried and said he was sorry for not prioritizing me, for not always being there for me and that he always would.. NEVER in my life did I know this scenario exists where they can literally after 16 years just regress.. sooooo badly that their baseline is even worse than it was when you started therapy.. by 3x.. its like watching an addict relapse ..
I think I need to start doing individual groups or therapy for myself so this doesn’t continue to eat at me while I decide what to do with the life I have left now that I’m 41..
As a wife it’s the most degrading and demeaning thing to be with these men.. you have sex with me and I almost died having our 3 kids.. I do everything for you but it’s like I’m the side chick and the mom is the wife,. And the insanity of trying to get him to see
How screwed up this is is like too much for me.
I understand the neuroscience of how and why this happens but I’m struggling still thinking about my kids and how this emotional abuse is sooooo subtle it’s hard to see and how it can damage them