u/Lucky_Duck_5916

Basically back in January(around the 20th) I realized I liked my friend(I’m gonna call her Alana but that’s not her real name) and I think the feelings grew slowly because I didn’t realize I had romantic feelings for Alana till one day she told me she loved me(except she meant it in a friend way) and I questioned myself cause I thought I was straight. For a while I was like “do I really like Alana?”And then I ended up confessing my feelings to her. Alana told me she didn’t like me that way but she remembers at the beginning of school year she liked me romantically but I got with my boyfriend(who’s now my ex boyfriend)and she thought I was straight, so she didn’t want to suffer heartbreak so she suppressed her feelings. I was sad but I accepted it and I moved on. Or atleast I tried to move on BUT I COULDN’T. I was still in-love with her and I still am. Me and her friendship didn’t become complicated and actually became better because we got closer. And she now she calls me her sister and stuff so I lowkey faced the facts that Alana doesn’t like me cause that’s the ULTIMATE friend zone right?

But yesterday (May 15th, 2026 this is important because it’s 5 months later after I confessed my feelings to her)
It was job shadowing day and I didn’t go job shadowing cause I didn’t feel like it so I went to school and only like 10% of the grade was their. My friend Emmy was their too(not her real name) and basically a guy wanted to ask me to the dance(cause we had the dance that same day) and Emmy helped him ask me out(I said no) But after rejecting him I went up to her and she was outside the classroom she was by herself. I went to ask her why she would do that and stuff and we js had a short conversation abt it. But I told her I had something to tell her and she said “I think I know what it is” and I ask Emmy “what do u think I’m gonna say?” And she says “that ure bi or sm” and I was surprised cause it was something related to that. But anyway I told her I was inlove with Alana. Emmy said “I know” and I was like “whaa?”. But I asked her “did Alana tell u?” And she replied with a “yes”

But basically Emmy said that 2 or 3 months ago Alana told her that she was inlove with me, but she was scared cause I confessed my feelings to her and she thought I moved on(EXCEPT I DIDNT) when Emmy told me this I WAS SO MAD AT MYSELF CAUSE I MISSED MY CHANCE and during the time I was thinking that maybe js maybe she did like me, but then I brushed off cause I was like “nah she rejected me”

Emmy told me that at the dance she would ask Alana if she still liked me, but I told Emmy no cause Alana was gonna say no, but Emmy told me “you don’t know that” and I js told her “okay ask her, just know she’s most likely gonna say no”
So basically at the dance Emmy asked her if she still liked me romantically and Alana said no.
And I didn’t care cause I knew she was gonna say no.

But toward the end of the dance me and Alana went to the bathroom and we were there for like 20 minutes and it was js us too. We were talking normally and we each confessed personal stuff from home and she started crying and I kissed her on the forehead and idk why but I had the urge to confess to her that I was still Inlove with her, but I didn’t do it cause I thought, “I already know she doesn’t like me romantically so what would benefit from me telling her If already know she doesn’t like me” and I didn’t end up telling her I almost did though. Cause I said “Alana I have tell u something” “yeah?” “Never mind” “is it bad?” “No it’s nothing” but then today in the shower I was thinking about it and I wish I did tell her cause I’ve told her once before and our friendship stayed strong, so it would be okay to tell her a second time right?. But I love her so so much.

The WHOLE situation is complicated though is because she’s Christian but she’s attracted to girls and she thinks she’s not suppose to be cause she told me herself, “I’m attracted to girls but my trauma makes me scared to date them” and Alana trauma is personal, so I’m not gonna say it. But this one time one of our friends asked her “what do u think abt homosexuality as a Christian?” And I dont remember exactly what she said but It was something like, “God made man and women to be together, so they could have kids together and women and women can’t have kids neither can man and man” and that made me feel guilty for being inlove with her. She’s also the one who brought me closer to god and I’m so grateful I look up to her and I always will.

I don’t know what to do should I confess or leave it as it is? I remember I told me friend K abt the situation the first time when I first confessed me feelings to Alana and she said “Alana said she suppressed her feelings which means she pushed them down, so her feelings could always resurface” and I thought “maybe” BUTTT according to Emmy they did resurface at some point but she thought I moved on, so if confessed again would they resurface again?

Also me and Alana are SUPER flirty that everyone thought we were either dating or we liked each other(kinda the same thing) but I remember so many people asked me if me and Alana were together 😭. Even Emmy’s boyfriend asked Emmy that if we were both gay and dating.

But what should I do should I risk the friendship again?? Cause I love her so much she makes me so happy. And I always what to take care of her. I love her weirdness and how she’s herself. She defends herself and her friends. She’s funny and makes everyone laugh. She loves her family even though she says they’re too much sometimes(especially her mom) she’s so supportive and it sweet. A compliment from her means the world. I love her so much and IDKKKK I want her to be mine. I wanna hug her and kiss her, take care of her forever and give her the love that she deserves.

The thing is I fell inlove with her without realizing it cause she was my friend at first. I mean I dated a whole guy while we were friends, so my feelings for her came out of nowhere. My love for her js slowly grew ♥️.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I CANT MOVE ON.
And this is corny to say but I’m scared I’m gonna be in-love with her forever.

What should I do?? Advice??