Don't want my friend's toxic fiancé at my wedding... don't know what to do
I looked through this sub and can't really find a post that fits this situation, so here I am. I'm honestly at a loss for what to do here.
A friend of mine has been with her partner (now fiancé) for about a decade, and he's horrible. Without getting into TOO much detail, he is an alcoholic, treats her like absolute garbage, is very controlling, and has been mooching off of her to varying degrees the entire time they've been together. He drags her down with him into this codependency spiral that she cannot dig herself out of. She's almost left him a few times over the years, and each time my other friends and I have jumped into action mode to help her get out, only to have her ultimately stay with him. She knows we don't like him, not just from these near-breakup times, but also because when she used to bring him around, he would get drunk and be a surly assh*le. She would get embarrassed and apologize for him, and eventually she stopped bringing him around. There's this sort-of tacit understanding that we don't like him, he in turn doesn't like us, she knows this and understands why we don't like him, and we just... don't really talk about it anymore.
My fiancé and I don't want him at our wedding, and I'm sure she knows this, but I'm not sure what to do because this is her partner and they're technically engaged (although she has implied that it's more "engaged to be engaged," claiming that he needs to prove that he can change before they start wedding planning -- this has been the situation for about three years). I go back and forth between only inviting her and not putting his name on the invite, or inviting them both as a formality and keeping my fingers crossed that this continued unspoken agreement holds and she just doesn't bring him. If I go with the first option, I can't decide whether I need to talk to her about it or not. As for the second option, I don't particularly want to take that gamble (and my fiancé definitely doesn't).
And then there's this third option I guess, where we invite them both, he comes, I don't actually interact with him outside of niceties when necessary, and then if he gets hammered and/or rude, we can just have our on-site coordinator kick him out. Like is it worth resurfacing all of this awkwardness around her relationship just to put my foot down or whatever? But then at the same time, he'll have to be at the table with our other friends, none of whom want to talk to him, so it affects their night as well.
Anyone been in a situation like this? What did you do? What should I do?
TL;DR - Everyone agrees my friend's fiancé is toxic, and honestly, my friend knows it too — how should we approach the decision of whether to invite him to our wedding?