I've had sexual thoughts about a girl I deemed unattractive.
I've had sexual thoughts about a girl I deemed unattractive. These thoughts suddenly started appearing when she tried to tie her pinky finger with mine. I honestly thought it was weird at first, then she suddenly said how nervous she was and that the only way she could fix it was by doing this cute, foolish stuff. Then I started noticing more about her, and suddenly, all the flaws I perceived in her before are the only things that keep me alive each day. Unfortunately, these horrid thoughts keep appearing. I can't even focus on lectures or while driving, and I don't want to write my sexual thoughts in full detail because I do not want anyone to imagine her in that position. I literally need help to stop this. I feel so ashamed and guilty. Side note: I'm starting to find her attractive too. Whenever she smiles at me, I just can't control myself. I even masturbate just because she touches my knees. Plus, I'm ashamed to admit I'm part of a friend group that heavily focuses on looksmaxing, and those friends of mine are probably the ones who will shame her just because she does not fit this foolish patriarchal standard. But who cares? I like her, or probably I love her. She's gorgeous, kind, smart, blunt, etc. And I'm sick of having these thoughts, even though she literally just passes by and my whole body flinches. I just need some constructive feedback on how to get this over with.