u/Lushemet

My baby was born weighting 4.130kg (yeah I have two tears). He’s five days old now. We formula fed from the start, I also gave him some colostrum but it was too much for me, emotionally and physically, to keep pumping, I also have low supply so now he’s just on formula. He seems to be tolerating it very well, he’s not gassy, poop looks good, he doesn’t vomit just spits up milk often.

But we’ve been getting conflicting advice on how we should be feeding him. Two nurses said we’re overfeeding him, one doctor said it’s impossible to overfeed a newborn. But he is not a fussy baby, he never cries for no reason- he either wants his diaper changed, eat, be burped or have his nose cleaned, and then he’s happy and goes to sleep. Should I deny him food and sleep worse? Idk it feels wrong, but I’ve also read that you can overfeed formula fed babies. And also how do I know we’re overfeeding?

I’m 5 days post partum, first time mom. I never wanted to breastfeed, I always had problems with my nipples being sensitive, but my plan was to at least give the baby colostrum. I also had a breast reduction so my chances of having enough supply were always super low.

I didn’t want to hate my baby for touching my nipples so first I expressed milk with my hand and then I pumped. I think I got more or less 30ml in total. I hated pumping from the start, and it didn’t get any less uncomfortable, in fact it only got worse and my supply also got worse. Then today I started having some physical symptoms while pumping- nausea, ringing in my ears, worsened bleeding. I’ve read that oxytocin can cause all of that, and it can last for weeks while you‚re breastfeeding, or even longer. So now I’m not only I’m having those psychological issues related to breastfeeding, but physical ones too.

Like I said before, my plan was to supply the baby with colostrum and then stop. And I fulfilled that plan. But now that I’m actually a mother and the hormones and anxiety are kicking in, I’m starting to have overwhelming thoughts that I’m ruining my child’s development. And that colostrum doesn’t even have any real benefits and I’m just trying to make myself feel good ab not breastfeeding. And the funny part is that my mother mostly formula fed me, and I’m 5’10” and 134 IQ. I know that my decision to stop makes sense, my husband wants me to stop and focus on the baby, but I just feel so bad. I also know that I’m not the first person on this sub feeling guilty, and I would tell anyone else that formula is okay and fed is best, but for some reason I just can’t give myself this grace.

EDIT: Thanks everyone, I’m making a decision to be a more involved mom and I’m stopping pumping. (Also my husband already threw out the pump for me lol.) My baby has no issues with digesting formula, and I am a happier and better mom when I’m more focused on my cute baby instead of my sore tits.

My baby is formula fed, he’s also in the 99th percentile (4.130kg at birth). I had no ambition of exclusively breastfeeding, he eats a LOT, my milk supply doesn’t seem to be there, I always had sensitive nipples and pumping makes me squeamish, but I still wanted to provide him with some antibodies. Extracting colostrum by hand doesn’t bother me, but I only get very little amounts. I gave birth on Wednesday so maybe my supply will still increase with time, but I’m just wondering if there are still any benefits in feeding him 1ml per feed in case my supply doesn’t increase? I just want to give him whatever I can.

I woke up early morning on Monday with a dull but strong back ache. After few hours I lost the mucus plug. I thought my body was just preparing for labour, but after a few hours I realized that my back pain is pulsating and it might be contractions. I googled back labour and it made sense, so I went to check in at the hospital. They confirmed I was 1cm dilated and sent me home. Overnight my contractions got worse, I was bleeding, but I thought it was because my cervical exam. The entire night I couldn't sit still or lie down, because lying down made contractions unbearable. In the early morning I decided to check in because of bad bleeding, and to everyone's surprise I was 6cm dilated already- surprised because I was handling it so well (pain at 6cm, back labour and all) and because labour was progressing so fast. I was in pain but I was able to talk and joke around, and my contractions were irregular, also still only in my lower back, so it was all different than what Google would make you think 6cm contractions are like.

They got me admitted and asked me if I wanted an epidural. I said yes please, it took them 3 attempts to get it right because of my scoliosis, but it was painless. I was then able to relax and lie down and close my eyes for a bit, something I wasn't able to do all night before. It was a walking epidural, I could walk to the bathroom and pee, the only side effects I had was some mild itchiness and numb-ish skin on my legs. I didn't feel most of the contractors at this point, until I was around 8cm. At this stage my labour also slowed down and contractions got more far apart.

But the problem was that my back labour pain was caused by my baby being sunny side up and being unable to progress. We had to break the waters manually and get me started on oxytocin (which I admit I delayed for a bit because I had a small meltdown- I was overwhelmed by the idea of becoming a mother soon). I got on all fours and tried to rotate the baby myself. It turned out later that he did rotate, but to his side. I agreed to the doctor rotating the baby for me. He succeeded, but I tore a bit because of this intervention.

At this point my contractions were frequent and strong, painful like the 6cm contractions I had before I got the epidural, but I didn't feel the pain "inside". But I was pushing for 4hours (!) and my 99th percentile baby was still stuck in one spot (pelvic bone I think?) and unable to progress. They started discussing the possibility of the C section with me, and I was devastated. I already tore and invested so much pain and effort into this labour, and I was about to have a C section? I was also terrified of having a major surgery after 2 nights of no sleep and not eating for 30h (I couldn't eat before the epidural, the contractions were too much for me to have an appetite) I was refusing to give up, but I almost did at one point, until a doctor checked on me, told me that the baby has progressed to the point where they will be able to assist me with a vacuum. With just a few pushes (and another tear, 2nd degree, minimized by an incision) my 4.130kg baby boy was out.

Baby was perfectly healthy, for the entire labour his vitals were perfect and we had a lot of time to make every decision. And here's the thing. I don't think I would be able to have most of the interventions I had without an epidural. I'm almost certain it would have ended with a C section and much much much worse experience. There was a woman giving birth in a room next to me and screaming like crazy, and my husband overheard a nurse saying that she refused to have her baby manually rotated- which I can actually understand, if she didn't have an epidural to numb her down. I also heard another woman yelling in such pain, as if they were literally sewing her arms off. When I asked what was wrong, they just said that she didn't want an epidural.

And you know what, I also understand the appeal of a home birth. I liked that night when I was home with our cats and having contractions, it felt very cosy and nice with our pets. But I also was in pain and didn't know why I was bleeding, I didn't know if the baby was okay, so I wouldn't call it a relaxing experience. Maybe it can be one when you're having your second or third baby and everything goes perfectly smooth. But usually at least one thing goes wrong. And remember, before modern medicine 1 in 10 women used to die in childbirth.

I tell other people my story and they get teary eyed and feel so bad for me suffering so much. And yeah, it was very hard. But I'm not traumatized, my baby is healthy, I'm just sore and tired. But if I didn't get an epidural or agreed to the interventions I think I would have been traumatized, and I don't know how the labour would have progressed. I think it's safe to bet I would have ended up having that C section.

(I know that these days you also have to add: This is just my story and my opinion and you are allowed to have a different one, but please be respectful.)