u/LutherTHX

Newlywed here. My wife and I are devoted Christians, and we genuinely love each other and love Jesus.

Since we started dating, our biggest point of contention has been church and worship style. One of our spiritual mentors has joked, “You know what a relief it is to have that be your biggest argument over some of the other stuff I’ve seen?!” We laugh about that, but six months into marriage, it’s still a very real source of tension.

I tend to gravitate toward smaller, intimate churches (50–200 people). My wife is more drawn toward larger churches (1,000+). I tend to feel most spiritually nourished by preaching and teaching; she feels most nourished by worship.

When we got married, my wife graciously agreed to attend my church for a season because I have a deep history with it: I’ve been a member there for seven years. My pastor has walked with me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. He genuinely loves Jesus, loves his congregation, and has been an incredible shepherd to me personally. I have often said, "Before this church I had great preachers, but never a true shepherd until him."

But our church is now very small - around 40 people - and has been shrinking for the last couple of years. We inherited a building from a neighboring church in our denomination that closed, but rather than seeing growth after obtaining our own space, we've continued losing families as people have moved away, without many new families coming in.

And, honestly, I understand many of my wife's concerns.

My pastor is exceptionally gifted at pastoral care, but he also does almost everything else: preaching, leading worship, coordinating services, etc. As a result, the service can sometimes feel pretty clunky.

We advertise a 10:00 start but routinely begin 5-15 minutes late. The worship team is filled by non-members who only rehearse 30 minutes before each service, and IMO it feels they treat it like they're there for a gig than to worship Jehovah. IMO, sermons can be scattered, particularly when the pastor has been doing pastoral crisis and hasn't had as much time to prepare. When he's absent, things can become even more chaotic.

I want to be careful here because I don't think my pastor is a bad pastor. Quite the opposite. Some of the very things that make the church struggle organizationally are connected to how much he cares for people personally. He's trying to be pastor, worship leader, administrator. Everyone (including my wife) see his greatest gift as pastoral care. But we fear it is actually getting crowded out by all the other responsibilities.

And that's where I'm torn.

I have a church that has deeply loved and cared for me, but also has some very noticeable weaknesses.

And I have a wife who loves me and is genuinely trying to devote herself to this church, but who comes away most weeks feeling discouraged rather than spiritually nourished.

Neither of us want to treat church like we're shopping for a product. I also don't want to dismiss my wife's experience simply because this church has sentimental and spiritual significance to me.

At the same time, I feel a real sense of loyalty to the people who have invested in me for seven years. Leaving feels, in some sense, like abandoning people who have loved me.

How do you discern when you should stay and work through the weaknesses of a church versus recognizing that it may simply no longer be the right church for your family?

I know this topic has been discussed many times, but it's still relatively new territory for me. I'm genuinely open to honest, brotherly feedback if you think I'm missing something.

I've been Reformed for decades, but I've also apparently been bad at paying attention to music labels, artists, or who wrote a particular song.

Over the years, Spotify has recommended various worship songs to me, and I've heard many songs at different churches. If I liked a song, I added it to a playlist without much thought. As it turns out, many of them were Bethel/Elevation songs. I truly had no idea what Bethel was and didn't really care: I never paid attention to the label. I simply evaluated the songs based on their lyrics and artistry. A few of them became tremendous encouragements to me during seasons of depression; one of them was my most-played song on Spotify for two straight years.

A couple of weeks ago, I casually mentioned one of those songs to a pastor at my PCA church. His face kind of went white, and he responded, "Don't you know that's a Bethel song?!" He then proceeded to explain the various theological concerns surrounding Bethel Church.

After doing some reading, I find myself somewhat conflicted.

On one hand, I wholeheartedly agree with many of the concerns about Bethel's theology. I'm also sympathetic to the argument that Reformed churches should avoid using Bethel music in corporate worship, since doing so would financially support the organization through licensing and royalties.

What I struggle with is the stronger claim that no Christian should listen to any Bethel music whatsoever. That feels to me like a kind of Reformed purity test that raises more questions than it answers about ALL music, not just Bethel.

Bethel Music partners with dozens of artists. Where exactly is the theological line? If a song's lyrics are lifted almost entirely from Scripture, on what basis do we call the song itself heretical? Or, to take the logic a step further, if a record label were theologically sound but the drummer happened to be a Modalist, would that make the music off-limits? Or if a Christian artist partnered with a secular music label, would that be off-limits?

I also find the standard a bit inconsistent. I've been in many Reformed churches that have sung It Is Well With My Soul or used the story of its writing as a sermon illustration, despite the fact that Horatio Spafford was a committed Universalist.

Right now I lean heavily on judging each song by its own merits. But am I thinking about this incorrectly? Is there a biblical principle or distinction that I'm overlooking? I'd sincerely appreciate thoughtful pushback if you think my reasoning is flawed; I want my convictions to be shaped by Scripture rather than by personal preference or reaction.

This is a time sensitive decision and may resolve before I get any responses, but I figured I'd try my luck.

PATIENT: Domestic Short-haired,
WEIGHT: 5.2KG
AGE: 5yo
CLINICAL SIGNS: Witnessed digestion.
LENGTH: 1hr
LOCATION: California

My wife witnessed our cat eat a 6" foil streamer 60 minutes ago. Think the type of material you would see on a foil party balloon (not a rubber balloon; thin foil)

He ended up vomiting 5 minutes after eating it; clear vomit. But otherwise, no behavioral changes and was ready for dinner (this happened right before dinner time). We did not feed him.

I do not want to violate rule #2 so will leave his current vet status vague. Let me just say we are not opposed to the cost of an endoscopy if we absolutely have to.

But from my reading, is the endoscopy ABSOLUTELY necessary? Or is there any wisdom waiting to see if this can pass on its own?