I’m (33f) just so fucking exhausted all the time
I’m exhausted by being chronically single and alone. I’m exhausted from carrying all this emotional weight alone. I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD and starting to understand how emotionally neglected I was. I never got the ramp for development that a person needs. Never got the emotional attunement either. I’m estranged from my family. I see friends occasionally but everyone is busy with their own lives.
I’m exhausted by the normie advice of “just join a club!” “Volunteer!!” I’m exhausted by having to generate and propel everything on my own. I’m exhausted what all advice given pretty much boils down to “optimize!!”
I don’t have an expansive social circle that could’ve introduced me to someone. Never having anyone to come home to, talk to about your day with, share “boring” moments with, someone hold your inner world, touch you takes a heavy toll on you eventually.
I’m trying to grieve my lack of connection but it is hard. My therapist (3rd therapist I had) ended our relationship because she thinks I need a different modality. Yes I take meds and go to the gym blah blah but at the end of the day they can’t make you less lonely.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.. everything seems like a dead end.