u/MK1_Scirocco

Been dealing with depression and isolation and abuse my whole life (male, late 30s). Still single and unmarried. Tried to discern priesthood, didn't pan out.

Now I'm facing family members with big illnesses, and my many church friends are moving away. I still have Catholic male friends, now than ever before. Many are single.
One friend in particular is very similar to me; we have the exact same interests. We have similar mannerisms and hobbies, our sense of humor is similar and our politics, religion and even style is the same. We both were into these hobbies and interests long before we met each other as well.

I find myself spending a lot of time with him, but usually in small group outings. I sometimes drop what I'm doing to hang with him over other people, I genuinely have more fun with him than other people. I think about him a lot and fun activities we could do. I also get extremely nervous inside around him too.

I wonder, am I getting attached to this friend instead of prayer? Am I deflecting the negativity of my life by constantly going out and wanting to be around others? A wife to love has also been my goal but lately I feel comforted by male friends. Is this not a Catholic way of life? Am I a failure?

I have been undergoing therapy for a few years and realize my SSA is just a small part of me; I actually may be asexual more than SSA.
I have had few deep male friendships in my formative years and now I'm an older millennial, I have more male friends now than ever before. Most are Christian, many are single.
One friend in particular is very similar to me; we have the exact same interests. We have similar mannerisms and hobbies, our sense of humor is similar and our politics, religion and even style is the same. We both were into these hobbies and interests long before we met each other as well.

I find myself spending a lot of time with him, but usually in small group outings. I sometimes drop what I'm doing to hang with him over other people, I genuinely have more fun with him than other people. I think about him a lot and fun activities we could do. I also get extremely nervous inside around him too. I always am thinking about what he's up to, or where he's at, or who's he's with.

I wonder, am I getting attached? Am I suppressing an unrecognized SSA for him? Is he getting tired of me? Do I reach-out too much? Is my behavior being possessive or annoying?