Raising 2 young Neurotypical children with an autistic brother
Hello parents of multiple kiddos. First I want to thank you all if you stick around to read my full post. I have a level 2 autistic kiddo who is 5. He has a 3 yr old sister and we have another baby girl due soon. Aside from his autism diagnosis our little man has gone through a lot. He was born with a cleft hard palet. He has had multiple surgeries since birth starting with ear tubes at 5 months. This had played a huge downside to his development. We had him in speech and occupational therapy starting before his 2nd birthday. This past January we made the decision to pull him from therapy temporarily. This was due to a move and me being pregnant. I honestly feel horrible that it's been so long a break. His therapists had plans for a break anyway because he hadn't had one since starting. We found a clinic near by and plan to try to get him back on track after baby is born. We even got his IEP and he'll be starting school next fall.
My biggest reason for making this post though has more to do with his sister and sister to be. I'll be calling them girl 1 and girl 2. Girl 1 the 3 yr old is very loving but also due to her age has little boundaries and is very high energy. Lately it's been really difficult to get her to give him the space he needs and constantly is taking everything from him. She'll take toys from him that she had no interest in. Including ones that we bought specifically for him. It's been a huge challenge and I'll admit I'll lose my patience when trying to teach her that it's wrong and hurtful to take things. We resorted to exchange, for example we ask brother if we can trade a toy. If he doesn't want to he doesn't need to. For awhile this worked wonders but all of a sudden it's like it never happened. She's been having melt downs and tantrums that will last hours if she doesn't get what she wants. I've gotten to the point where I lose my own temper (I have adult ADHD) so regulation for all of us can be pretty hard. So there's been times I give in and just ask him to give up his toys and even one on one time with me just to calm her. I have so much guilt doing this but honestly I'm at my wits end. I want to be fair to both of them. With girl 2 on the way I just really need and want a system that's fair to all kiddos. My momma heart hurts so bad. I welcome any words of encouragement and any positive advice or feedback.
I've scoured the web trying to find any similar stories or advice... But the only thing I seem to find are those struggling to give the Neurotypical kiddo/kiddos as much attention as their autistic kiddo. This is definitely a big concern of mine but for me right now it's overall balance. ATM I feel my Neurotypical kiddo (girl 1) is getting more of my attention. I want to strengthen my sons development and I can't do that when I'm constantly focused on his sisters behaviors or giving her attention so he doesn't get overwhelmed and overstimulated.
Sincerely, a struggling pregnant momma