Overshoot and shame
How do you deal with the excess weight after recovery? Does it really ever get better?
I started my recovery about 2 years ago and I did it on my own. At first, I was really scared, but I went all in eventually. I was at a healthy weight last summer and even though I felt it was too much and didn't feel too confident in my body, I thought it would get better or at least that I would learn to maintain it and accept myself that way. Fast forward one year and I'm trying on my last year summer clothes that I intentionally bought as a bit too big in hopes of hiding my massive weight gain and they don't fit anymore. I didn't even notice I was still gaining weight during the past year and I feel too ashamed to even go out. I'm terrified of bumping into people I know who saw me during my skinny or "normal" phase including my friends and family and them seeing me now that I'm overweight once again. Extreme hunger is not a thing anymore but I guess I got too used to letting myself eat whatever whenever due to recovery that I still do it to some exent. I'm not binging and stuffing myself with huge amounts of food anymore, but I still don't have the discipline to stop myself from snacking and eating sweets and whatnot. I'm not too proud to admit it, but I tried relapsing too many times and I never succeeded. I tried eating less and losing in a healthier way but every single day I mess it up. I wanted to start exercising again, but I'm too ashamed to go out. Pretty much everything I tried just backfired on me and it's getting worse. I'm at a point where I'm undermining my social life on purpose out of shame and mentally at rock bottom.
Did someone here have a similar experience? Were you able to go back from this point? Most posts I see are people that have been in recovery for a few months hoping to lose the overshoot weight within a year or two. What happens when it's been more that two years and getting worse?