Choosing Abortion After Traumatic Birth
I (30F) have decided to terminate my pregnancy due to a traumatic birth experience with my daughter 9 years ago.
My husband (33M) and I found out we were pregnant a week ago and unfortunately my reaction to it was not your expected “oh my gosh, we’re having a baby!”. Instead, I was instantly flooded with memories of the birth of our daughter, lead by a panic attack with me screaming, “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it!”. Although 30% of me wants this baby due to being in a good place financially, my husband being a wonderful father, and having a stable, loving relationship, I cannot get over the trauma I endured with our daughter. This decision has been eating me alive. My husband has been a great support system and believes that it is 100% my decision as this is my body. And I honestly hate that I have to make this choice.
Doing research about abortion care in OH in itself was stressful. Abortion was available, yet it was hard to obtain, so I ended up requesting the abortion pill from HeyJane instead. 2 days later, it was on my front porch and I’m a mess. Last night, I started the process despite that 30% gnawing at me. But, I know in the end this is what I needed to do. I just can’t help but think about all of the what ifs if we never went this route. Knowing me, I will probably feel guilt the rest of my life, but, as I tell my daughter, our bodies and our mental health always comes first, no matter what. I think I just need to heavily remind myself that every day.