My wife regularly shouts at me (privately & in front of family). It's ruining our daily life. Need advice (38M, married 9 years, 2 kids)
Hey everyone, looking for advice on my marriage. I’m 38M, married for 9 years, with two kids.
On paper, Alhamdulillāh, many things are good. I’m an active partner—I cook, clean, care for the kids, and fully support her going on trips with her friends. When I’m upset, she tries to make amends by cooking my favorite meals.
However, there is a constant pattern of shouting and verbal taunting, both in private and in front of friends, her family, and my family.
It happens over minor, everyday things. For example, if I ask where something is, instead of a normal answer, I get hit with taunts like "Ankhain nahi hain? Hath totay huay hain?" or angry outbursts like "Why did you put this glass here?!"
When I tell her this disrespect hurts and ask her to stop, her answer is always: "It's just my nature, I cannot change."
My reaction is usually to go quiet for a day or two so she can calm down, but this cycle means** **both of our lives get heavily affected, and a dark cloud hangs over our house for days.
I need some honest feedback:
Is this normal? Do other marriages deal with this constant edge, shouting, and petty taunting?
How do I counter "it's just my nature"? How do I address sarcasm and disrespect when she refuses to take accountability?
How can we break this toxic cycle of shouting / silence / pretending everything is fine?
Thanks for reading.