I think I need help
(This is a new account for privacy reasons, also this is my first time writing a post in English so I might miss a word or two)
Im 18m and I’ve been struggling with porn sissy/femboy/futa etc for two years now. I know I’m not gay. It’s like I’m two different people I’m not one of those fat people that fap all day. At day I workout read books I train 10 times per week I go out with friends I don’t even think about it. but every time I try to sleep or it’s just late and everybody asleep it’s like I can’t control it I did for so long I couldn’t sleep without it I tried to quit so many times but I just crave the feeling of calm after.
It’s so crazy to me because when I look at the mirror I see “Alfa male” but in my head I feel like I’m so weak. I have tried to quit so many times I have no idea why I like sissy porn so much I don’t even remember the last time I watched regular porn. The thing is I can go weeks without doing it as long as I’m not in my home like on vacation and stuff.
I saw a lot of people saying that watching sissy porn has a connection to a traumatic event let’s just say I went through a lot growing up. Does anybody relate? I need someone to talk to.
That is my deepest secret I never told anyone I think I need Sirius help I don’t know what to do.(sry for my bad grammar I really need to fix that to)