23F , how to deal with this
Hi , So I live separately from my parents place , and I had to stay over for 2 days since they were out of town and my siblings who are still in school would be alone , I had drank half a glass of coke that evening with dinner and didn’t go to pee my mistake ik and wet the bed , I was sleeping in my parents room 💀🤡 I got terrified , somehow I managed to dry it and wash the bedsheet and put it back , ive had this since a long time it got weird for me because it carried on till my teens , my mom back then didn’t really understand the implications or mental health effects or that it wasn’t in my hands , she used to beat me up every time Ive got trauma still from it and also my dad making a laugh out of it I didnt know it affected me this bad till I cried while talking about this in therapy 🤡💀 but we visited A big hospital in another city where we went to the doctor and basically my parents got to know it’s kind of genetic and not my fault And that I had a mild case of UTI as well and the doctor was kind of an asshole he also made a joke which didn’t sit right with me . My mom did improve after that like I didnt get beat up and my relationship with her also has improved quite a lot since I turned 18 , maybe if I do tell her that this has continued she’ll understand or maybe even worry a lot , she doesn’t know that this has continued ever since (I don’t clearly remember if it stopped for a year or more Like back when I was 15-16) but during that phase I feel like I felt it had genuinely stopped I would wake up feeling very uncomfortable but then I went to college I used to live in a hostel it continued there (not everyday but maybe like once a week) which made me really distrubed tbh because at that time I was dealing with an extremely toxic relationship which was like a cycle and when I shifted to a pg also it did happen sometimes there then it stopped for a couple of months and suddenly it would happen when maybe I would have drank a little more water than usual . and also I dream of washroom or bathrooms everytime when I wake up and realise I’ve wet the bed , I’ve read online also about it .
Sometimes I wake up uncomfortable with a bladder full and accidents don’t happen then I gain a little assurance and don’t really like follow the no drinking water rule then again it happens and I wet the bed . And restricting myself water makes me more thirsty in the evening and my mouth dries up so I just take small sips .
Now after the recent one I realised how terrified I am for my mom finding out and also my self esteem takes a dip like really low dips after episodes of this I go As far as to sleeping really late or setting up alarms at 3 am 4 am to ensure I wake up to go pee , and also it makes me question whether I’ll want to get married or not in the future , my love life has been terrible and I’ve been traumatised and my self worth has been taking enough dips after that awful relationship .
Also at dinner parties I avoid drinking cocktails or juice etc. and sometimes in social settings or dinners people invite there will be food with water like noodle soup etc. can’t avoid that which creates paranoia . I already have a hard time falling asleep plus that and I even HAVE TMJ (my jaw locks and cracks when I yawn) my dentist said it’s because I grind my teeth at night and what I’ve read online it’s mostly because of stress , do you think it’s because of the wetting episodes and my mom beating me up .
idk what to do anymore how do I deal with this.
- I would be grateful if you could give your advice or suggestions or anthing you’d like say about this