u/Majestic_Owl_9060

Ok so husband and I have been together four years, share a 2 yr old. He has a 24/20/16/13 yr old with his ex. I have a 8/11 yr old I share with my ex.

We are at the stage where we are going to one of his son’s wedding this weekend. And next week his other son is going into the navy so my husband is heading to see him get sworn in. Only he and ex wife will be there and then we are heading to Illinois for a Navy event in December.

Please don’t attack me.

I feel anxious bc we will be around HCBM. She has threatened us legally. Abused us. Been hateful about my kids, me, threatened our finances, made her daughter take videos that husband was abusing her and said she’s taking kids from him etc. it’s been awful. She’s said hateful stuff about me that husband hides from me and deletes messages. I’m so over all the drama.

So at these events, I’m sure and it would make sense that the kids would want a pic with mom and dad. Some of the navy events they give you limited tickets. So only husband and ex can go. I’m not going to the one next week but will be at the wedding and at the navy event in December (providing we get tickets). At minimum I’m heading up and my toddler and I will enjoy a hotel stay, pool etc while he goes to the navy events.

How do I not be anxious, and particularly feel wierd about him and her taking solo photos with their kids. I GET IT, the KIDS WOUOD PROBABLY LIKE A PIC WITH MOM AND DAD.

I’m tryin to work through this issue on my own so I’m not struggling or feeling wierd or off in the moment, or if the kids post pics of them with mom and dad like they’re a family again.

I’ve voiced my anxiety to my husband and he just got mad at me. So that didn’t help.

\*sigh\*

Any advice ?

So my stepdaughters come over every other weekend Friday and Saturday nights, sometimes less.

We get them 48 days a year- if even.

We tried buying clothes and keeping at our house but every time we bought anything they took it to their moms bc they want to have it there. Then they’d come back and we’d have to buy more clothes. They also outgrew anything at ours due to the limited time they are there.

They don’t bring their clothes to us to wash if they have them at our house, and I’d be fine if they did. they pack a bag with clothes and shoes for the two days from their moms and then take them back to their moms.

I bought them dressers, we remodeled their whole closet and put in storage racks, shelves, clothes hanging bars etc. they don’t use any of it. The dressers just had trash stuffed inside the drawers.

My husband and I have a small closet in our bedroom and struggle with our clothes. It’s a tiny shared closet, and our bonus kids closet is actually twice the depth of ours.

In our bedroom we have my husband, myself and our two year old son’s crib. My bio daughter has a bedroom with no closet, just a dresser.

My bio son has a bedroom with a closet, which I have some of my items in and some of my daughters items in, and all the household shoes, and my sons stuff. I use my son’s closet in his room for my coats, his sisters coats, sports item, excess shoes and he’s fine with it.

We have my bio kids more (week on week off) and even then often more on their dads week and they’re ok us using their space if needed.

I think it would be worthwhile for husband to use the unused closet his bio daughters have and don’t use for his clothes so we don’t have them straggling everywhere in our bedroom 🫤 I’m just worried how they will feel but they don’t use it. He said he knows they want their space and like to protect it, but it’s not being used.

I just worry bc it’s my step kids… anyone else have any advice or similar situation?