r/blendedfamilies

Unfortunately, our blended family didn’t make it. Together since October 2020 and married since November 2022. Five kiddos - three his and two mine. It’s been such a stressful roller coaster ride. But he and I were and are deeply in love. But there’s too much baggage too much stress from high conflict exes. Alienated kids who make it very difficult for us to have a successful and happy home. We had to call it. It’s amicable but bittersweet. My heart is breaking.

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who blended families with teenagers. When did the stepparent feel like they were a true member of the family? When did the kids see the step parent as an equal member of the family as well? How long after blending? Is this even a realistic goal?

I (50M) have 50% parenting time with my kids (13F, 13M, and 16F). My partner (50F) of 4 months has nearly 100% parenting time with hers (14M, 17M). It's still early days in our relationship, but of course talks about where the relationship is going have led to questions about how on earth you blend families when there are so many kids and so much logistics to be considered. I'm curious to hear the experiences of others who have attempted something like this.

I’m struggling with this. How do we save our children’s photos, memories etc when our family lives in different countries and are quite split?

I (26f) am in a relationship with my boyfriend (27m) who has a 3 year old from his previous relationship. I know the ex (29f) and I won’t be friends, however, I want to do everything to make sure the child’s life is easy and that we at least have an amicable relationship.
We all participate in the same theater and the ex and I are currently in our first show together. Before rehearsals began, I reached out to her letting her know I’d be happy to meet with her if she wanted to discuss any boundaries or concerns she had. She seemed open to it and appreciative but, never set up a time and I didn’t want to push it further.
Fast forward to now, she often has to figure out childcare for the kid during rehearsals. Sometimes that’s asking my bf, his mom, a sitter, and even recently she asked me (which I was thrilled by since I took it as an indication she trusts me with them).
Yesterday she had a sitter at the theater, and because the child knows and is comfortable with me, they did come up to me. One of the times, they wanted to be held and I obliged for a few minutes before returning them to their mom once I saw she was free.
I received a text from the mom today saying “I wanted to let you know that if (child) is with a sitter or other childcare, then they need to stay with that person unless I'm around or aware of the change”.
Fair enough. I replied, “For sure! Sorry, I didn't mean to impede on that, they had just come up to me when they were with the sitter and then she wandered away. I'll make sure that they stay with who they’re supposed to in the future”
Final response from her is “Thanks!” Followed by “All adults shouldn't really encourage a child to be without their childcare without their parents knowledge and approval”
……right. I don’t even necessarily disagree but can’t help but feel I’m being talked down to like she knows better and that I am stupid. I haven’t responded and am not sure if I should. I don’t want to set the precedent it’s okay to speak to me that way but I also don’t want to stir the pot for me or my bf! Any advice on how to navigate this??

My (31F) boyfriend (33M), have 3 kids between us, we have lived together for almost 1 year. I have an 8 year old and he has a 3 year old and an 8 year old.

We are planning and to book a trip to Orlando (from UK) and do all the parks. The cost is quite significant and this will be our first abroad holiday as a family. It was my idea to go. He wouldn't have suggested Florida but I have an illness which will affect me in my 40s/50s so I want to start giving my child good memories. I did offer to go by myself with my son but my boyfriend said that he wants to come with us and his kids are keen to go.

Just wondering how everyone splits these kinds of events?

Do you split it 50/50 down the middle or do you pay for yourself and your children, while your partner covers the cost of his kids?

My husband (41m) and I (30f) have been blended for nearly 3.5 years now. I have always been on board with the fact that neither of us wanted more children, until about a year and a half ago. Our blending has been overall decent between his 12 year old and my 6 and 4 year old. There are the expected bumps in the road but is had been smooth for the most part.

When I finally wanted children in my life, I always dreamed of more than two bio kids. Unfortunately, I was in an abusive relationship and felt I was done having children so I had a tubal ligation at age 25, which seemed like a smart decision at the time. I have been okay with this, but recently the desire to have another baby has come back so strong and I do not know how to handle it. Not just another baby; everything. Pregnancy, birth, newborn stage, toddler, childhood, teen years and beyond. It's been almost two years now and I seriously cannot get over the fact that I truly regret tying my tubes and I would do anything to do IVF and have another baby.

Now I am in an amazing marriage with the most perfect man and the instinct to have a baby with him is so strong it's overwhelming. He straight up doesn't want to. I have asked him. And I respect that so much. But our marriage is worth so much to me, I won't leave over this. While I see all of his reasoning, I can't make it go away no matter what.

My best friend is pregnant and I get to pretend to be a perfect auntie to her baby and toddler, I cry myself to sleep most nights knowing I'll never get to experience this again. I'm jealous, but in a sad way. I wish in the deepest of my hearts that it could be me.

No matter what, at the end of the day I choose us. I know I need to get back into therapy, especially now. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I know it's a lot. Also, please be nice because I am hurting and I know there's a lot to unpack here.

me and my husband have been married just over a year. my daughter is four years old. this is his stepdaughter. we got into a fight and when i came home, he had taken all the picture off the wall and scraped everybody’s face out. that’s including my family members, my pets and my four-year-old daughter. It was very shocking and scary to come home to. he ripped up all the pictures of me and him too. do you think this is disturbing or is it just me? he says he did it because he was angry. i’m very concerned.

Are my feelings valid? My future husband has an ex-partner and they have a 9-year-old child together. Of course, I understand that he needs to support his child, but what if it feels like he’s still responsible not only for his child, but also for his ex and her other children that is not even his own? His ex’s daughter, who isn’t his biological child, is even living with him. Are my feelings of jealousy valid, or am I just being selfish? What should I do or say to him without coming across as a bad person?

PS. Stepdaughter is likely on her 20s. His biological child is living with the mother and the step daughter is with him.

The other night my husband got upset at my son(his step son). We had a disagreement over a punishment, then all of a sudden my husband said he was going to give my son 4 licks with the paddle and grabbed him angrily. I stepped between them and said no, you’re not doing that then he said he was going to give us both licks, then the next thing I know he grabs us both and says we have to leave and tries yo take us to the front door. I am screaming no, and he grabs my son and shoved him out the front door, then tried to push me out the door, but I refuse and lock it so my son can’t come in, then he starts going around the house grabbing my stuff and throwing it and telling me I have 10 minutes to get out. I keep grabbing my things back trying to gather them quickly and telling him I need more than 10 minutes, I’m screaming desperately. He then goes upstairs and starts to throw my son’s belongings down the stairs and I yell at him to stop because I am in absolute disbelief. I go into my son’s room to get some stuff for him and he is grabbing stuff and throwing it out the window. I am screaming at him to stop, every time he comes close to me I shove him away. He picks up a bat, I get it from him and slam it on the floor and tell him to stop. He then goes back downstairs and it’s all a blur. I told him I was going to call the police, and he said go ahead, so I did, then he stopped. My son and I went to my car to wait for the deputies. He grabbed his things and left before they got there.
Now I am questioning myself. Should I have called the police? I stepped in because I was afraid he was going to hurt my son. But now I know he feels deeply violated that I called the police and he will never speak to me again. I keep questioning myself decision.

I was divorced in 2017, met new partner in 2021, and we blended in 2024: 14 yr old, two 17 yr olds, 19 yr old, and 22 yr old, all girls. Though there are no big fights, the kids haven't really blended, and primarily I don't think my kids feel comfortable here. My partner is the big breadwinner, and he alone bought the new house we all moved into. I am of moderate means but make it work. My partner's relationship with his two younger kids was never great, but has gotten worse; he thinks it's all because his ex-wife has been alienating them against him. But he's been divorced for 15 years, he had another live-in girlfriend before me, for 7 years, and his kids are adults now, so I'm not sure why his ex would even care anymore to "poison the well," as he says.

I feel like since we've gotten together, my relationship with my kids has gotten worse. We used to be a close trio, and now my kids sequester in their rooms and refuse my attempts to do things together, even eating dinner with me. They have told me and my mom that my partner is "fine," but it seems they tolerate him and don't really like him. I am learning, too, that he is not really family-oriented. He "can't wait" for all the kids to leave for college so we can have romantic time again. (I have full custody of my kids because my ex moved out of state).

I am beginning to think that I may never feel at ease with my kids in my own home again--it feels like it will always be his home, and we're just living in it. My kids and I are more warm and open, and his kids are a bit more cool and entitled. I know it will be easier when we're empty nesters, but I also feel like then my kids will never want to come home or feel like they have a warm home that is theirs alone. I am honestly thinking I want to unblend, get my own place, and continue to date my partner, but not blend families. Is it crazy to want to do that right when we'll become empty nesters anyway?

I have 2 kids. 12/14. (I coparent mine 50%)

My bf has 2 kids 12/15.(he has his 80%)

we’ve been together 2 years.

He has started talking about moving in together and blending

Im anxious afraid and terrified that blending will compromise my mental health, emotional stability, financial security and the current positive and peaceful environment I am living and raising my kids in!

also we have many issues with one anothers kids.

His kids hate my kids & my kids hate his kids!

Hes uncomfortable around my kids & Im very uncomfortable around his kids!

His exwife is also very High Conflict Controlling and Demanding!

Looking to hear from anyone who has blended with 2 sets of teenage kids and been able to make it successful?

or lessons, that I could learn from?

✨warning: this will absolutely trigger you if the shoe fits✨

I think it is absolutely foul that some of y’all enter relationships with single parents and then act shocked that the children exist.

“SK isn’t here very often, so why should they have their own space?”
Because children deserve to feel like they belong somewhere.

That room isn’t “sitting empty.”
It’s waiting for a child who already spends their life bouncing between homes, routines, emotions, expectations, and adult conflict. A child who deserves to walk into your home and feel like they matter there too.

Some of y’all talk about stepchildren like they’re inconvenient house guests instead of tiny humans trying to survive separation, transitions, loyalty binds, and emotional whiplash they never asked for.

“Do I really have to bring them everywhere?”
“Why are they acting out?”
“Why are they clingy?”
“Why are they emotional?”
Because their entire world got split in half and they’re children.

Separated kids are not “spoiled brats” because they struggle emotionally.
Tantrums, regressions, meltdowns, clinginess, attitude changes… those are often stress responses from children navigating adult situations with a child-sized nervous system.

And honestly? If you cannot handle the existence of someone’s children with empathy, patience, and basic respect, then you should not date parents.

You do not have to become their replacement parent.
You do not have to love every moment.
But you absolutely should be capable of treating children like human beings instead of burdens ruining your vibe. You are an adult. Act like one.

Because one day those kids will remember exactly who made them feel unwanted and who made them feel safe.

And if that reality doesn’t move you even a little, why involve yourself with a single parent in the first place?

I see a lot of venting, complaining, and general struggle in this group. And I totally get it. I’m not expecting blending families to be easy and you bet your ass I’ll be back here doing exactly that at some point.

But I’d love to hear more about the things that you did that have really worked for you as you blended families.

Things like:
-What conversations did you have with your partner and the kids (separately and/or together) prior to moving in?
-What things were done to welcome in a new family into your home to help them feel like it was now theirs too? Conversely, what did you do with your child to help them feel at home in a new house?
-What rules/expectations/boundaries did you put in place that have served you well?
-What resources have been helpful in your journey (therapy, books/workbooks, websites, articles, social media, etc)?

For context, we’re both almost 50, queer, our kids are younger teens (12-15), are friends/friendly and get along well. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years now but have known each other for about 6, as have our kids. My partner and I are currently exploring therapy to help us navigate our own issues and better prepare ourselves for this transition. I know we’re all different but I’d love to hear what’s worked for others.

My husband has a daughter (7) from a previous relationship who has been over on her breaks since she lives 8 hours away and that’s the only time we can get her while she’s in school. Everytime she comes over i’m always stuck taking care of her. My husband works all day and she just stays with me all day. I didn’t have any kids myself and it was draining. My whole summer revolved around her and I really wasn’t happy. She also isn’t the easiest child. Anything you do that may be off, she will tell her mother and her mother just needs a reason to complain or take you to court even though she’s not a good mom herself. (Lots of past issues with her but I really don’t think she’s a good mother based off what her daughter says, the environment she has her in that’s unstable , her daughter explicitly saying her mother loves her boyfriend more, and she wanted to miss her daughters birthday for someone else’s ) Anyways , his daughter doesn’t really respect me. For example I like my house to be clean, i know kids are dirty but she will purposely make things dirty and laugh about it calling me a clean freak. Like crumbs everywhere, throw toys and everything everywhere. She refused to pick stuff up and will say “no you do it”. She also has called me stupid in front of her father (which he has said nothing about but “stop it”) She throws things at me like a whisk we were making cake with. She also tells me that her dad loved her mother more and first, but i’m his wife , I wasn’t just his gf and she has never said such things near him. Now I have been nice to her. I buy her a bunch of clothes since she always comes with rags, i buy her toys, any desserts, food , basically anything she wants with my own money. I cook for her and take her out to the pool or where ever i’m going and I try to make it fun for her. I play with her and the list goes on. I have never disciplined her such as yell at her or anything. I leave that for her father to do which 99% he doesn’t. Her coming over is a nightmare for me and him, but he always says he misses her and wants her. I don’t understand because i’m stuck taking care of her completely and it’s just not soemthing I signed up for. Recently I had my own daughter. Obviously newborns are tough. I won’t be able to go out much or do anything aside from taking care of my baby. He wants his daughter to come for the summer. Even offered to pay me a babysitting fee. But I’m just too stressed and tired. I want to focus on my own child and I honestly hated taking care of his. I told him to only bring her if he will have time for her and to care for her because i’ve got my hands full. He works all day , im talking 9-9. I just can’t focus on someone else’s child. I already have i guess some resentment because my baby’s always compared to her. I hate that my daughters not even her own person without living in that girls shadow. His family also brought up how we should take her in , but why? So i take care of her full time. I do think kids her age should be with their mothers. It’s only right. Plus i won’t be able to discipline her. I also can’t have the family say it’s my fault if the kid grows up any type of way. The way kids grow up is already a reflection of the parents, I can’t have someone else’s child reflecting my parenting. Especially if I can’t even parent her. I won’t have her family say that I did wrong or anything. Babysitting for a week or a month isn’t the same as her just living with me. Am i the Asshole? I just don’t need that much pressure or responsibility. It’s not even my responsibility.

Edit: My husbands job offers 0 work life balance. It is an issue and pretty sad. But in this economy, this job is the only thing that lets us have some financial freedom and we can actually save some money for our kids and let the join activities like gymnastics and and ballet

I (39F) was widowed at 23. Our daughter was 2 months old. I have been with my current partner (39M) for 11 years. Daughter is now 16 and current partner and I also have a 9 year old son.

When daughter was about 6, she asked if she could call step parent daddy. I let her make those choices. She called him daddy and her bio father dad to differentiate. Her brother was born when she was 7, and we had a little family unit. Her bio dad was always part of our family unit, my son even calls him Daddy [Name] when he talks about him.

As my daughter has gotten older, a huge rift has grown between her and step dad. She hates him. She avoids him most of the time, speaks to him only when she has to, and it's just obvious that she wants nothing to do with him. He is, of course, hurt by all of this. He's been in her life since she was 5, has been "daddy" since she was 6 (she calls him dad now as she's gotten older), and there was never an issue until recently.

Within the last year or so is when this shift has happened. Things keeo getting worse. If he tries to do any discipline or anything, she melts down. If he just asks her to do something, she acts like it's the end of the world (in talking like hey clean your room). He is not the most patient person (neither are any of the 4 of us really) and I do see some of the things that piss her off, but no one is perfect, including me, and despite the things he does that may make her irritated as a teenager, I have always seen him as a great dad.

This weekend, it came to a head, she ended up screaming at him, he tossed the clothes she was supposed to be putting away at her. I told him that was uncalled for and went upstairs with her, where she listed off everything she hates about him. She hates how he talks to me and her brother, she hates how he talks to everyone, she hates how he teased her about winning a game when she was little, she hates how he would make jokes out of her name (for example, if her name was Jennifer and she was hungry he'd say Hungryfer or grumpy would be Grumpifer or goofy would be Goofifer... You get the point. He does this with me too. I find it hilarious), she brought up tons of small things over the last 11 years that she says constantly play through her mind and are the reason she just can't stand him. She said she is also angry her dad died, she is mad at God, she is mad at him (bio dad), and she just wants HER dad. She said she's no longer calling step dad dad.

I can see her side, and while her feelings are valid, I believe a lot of her anger is misdirected at step dad.

He came up and apologized for tossing the clothes at her and for his temper. He talked to her about how they both have a temper and can both work on it. She brushed him off. Later, when I had gone outside, he tried to talk to her, to ask how he could do better, and she just shrugged him off.

I feel so put in the middle and I just don't know what to do. She's mad about things I thought were a family joke. She's mad about things I had completely forgotten about because I thought they were just a blip, not a huge deal to be mad at someone. She's mad about everything. I can't give her her dad, obviously. Step dad is a good guy. Does he screw up sometimes? Yup. So do I and so do the kids. But he is overall a great dad, in my opinion. He tries to be involved in their lives (she has pushed him out and doesn't tell him anything anymore which is why I say try), he volunteered at both their schools, he offers to help when she's struggling be it at school or cleaning her room, they used to be really close and would play together and team up against me to pick on me as a joke (another reason I was shocked the things I thought were jokes are things that are pissing her off), he offers advice, he helps them do anything, he always tries to teach them something new whether it's facts or skills, he goes out of his way to make us laugh. He is the one who taught her to ride a bike and taught her video games and did homework with her every day after school. He's been a stay at home dad the majority of our relationship, so it's not like he's been absent.

She is in therapy now. I have said I'd like a chance to speak to her therapist, and I believe we need some family therapy, but at this point, what else can we do? I don't want to force her to spend time with him, but I also don't want to be the messenger (She'll ask me stuff like "can you tell [Name] not to throw my stuff on the counter away." Or asking for a ride home from school when she knows step dad is the one is who is available but won't ask him so I have to ask him for her). We have a ton of family events planned over the summer - big out of country vacation, family camp, smaller trips - and at this point I'm getting nervous that navigating their relationship is going to make these things so damn stressful especially during family trips. Besides that, the day to day is just so tense. He has even asked if he should just leave. What do we do? I can't fix this and I feel like it's getting worse and worse and if something doesn't give, I'm either going to lose him or as soon as she turns 18 I'll lose her (and slowly lose her in the process as she pulls away).

I'm posting this because I recently saw a real-life situation like this play out, and I'm honestly having a hard time processing the human and psychological side of it.

​Imagine a couple divorces, and the mom remarries and has a huge new family—like 4 or 5 kids—with the new husband.

​From the mom’s side, does her actual love for her first child decrease, or is she just completely drained by the new babies? Does she subconsciously start viewing the oldest kid as just a reminder of her past life?

​From the first kid's perspective, how do you handle the mental strain of watching your mom build a brand-new family unit from scratch with a stranger? Do these kids just emotionally detach or become hyper-independent to cope with feeling replaced?

How do you live with a Partner who you love but dislike his kids.

His kids are both special needs and very Challenging Behaviourally . (12&15)

I have compassion for his situation but i lack the patience to support him with his kids!
I have 2 of my own kids, but Me nor my Kids what to be around His kids.

How do you navigate this?

I'm looking for opinions on a situation between my fiance and his ex wife. Recently they were texting in a way that seemed flirtatious. My fiance shared a story with his wife of something their daughter said about at her mom's house the order of the people's bedrooms. It just doesn't seem like an important conversation that requires sharing. And then when his ex wife was picking up his daughters he made a comment about hoping the youngest poops for her. Later she texted him saying the youngest was pooping and blaming him in a playful way. In my opinion their interactions were coming off flirtatious. I shared with him how I was feeling and it gets turned around on me that he's just being friendly with the mother of his daughters. And I understand being friendly with her. She's been over to our house for dinner and walked through our home. I do feel we are friendly with her I just think there should be boundaries out of respect for his and I relationship. Now he's calling me master, and asking if he's allowed to reply to her. I'm not trying to dictate his interactions with her. I just want to feel respected. Any thoughts?

My partner and I are (39f 43M) are expecting this December. We have been together around 3 years and each have 2 children from our previous marriages (7F 8M 10F 12M). We recently got engaged last fall and were excited to tell the kids however both of the younger ones were upset.

They had similar feelings, mostly concerned about the other parent feeling left out, I suspect a final loss of their 'old family'. Both of our ex spouses left us, one to party, the other to 'find themselves'. Both are single but have dated others on and off.

Now with the new baby, we are both concerned about the reaction from the kids. Will they not be excited? Will they be upset?

They have gone to counseling through school and private. The other parents (far as we know) didn't spur these feelings or anything, I think they mostly ignore talking about us to the children.

I was thinking maybe it's best to set each set down individually and break the news, however my partner wants to tell all of them at once. What could we do to help the feelings of the kids though? I don't want them to feel like they're being replaced, I want them to be happy for a new sibling.