r/blendedfamilies

A girl who we will call Trish was dating a man who we will call Dell who she said was controlling for 12 years, dumped him and less than a month later dated a guy who we will call Hoodie. Hoodie has a child from another woman.
4 months later Trish gets fired from her job and gets pregnant, so she gets engaged to Hoodie.

Trish claims she’s bipolar and her mother has said before that she was moving too fast with her new man.

She’s due in October, but had her baby shower in July.

have been dating my BF for 4years and I introduced my child to him about a year after. I’m a solo parent as I’m a widow (my child was 8 at the time). Last few years, my bf has been a supportive, and consistent presence in my child’s life. He is excellent at being in the background without forcing his presence on others. He went on a few college tours with us, always talked to my child about his career (he is in finance), was there for my child’s prom, graduation, and other social events. My child adores him and looks up-to him; and even decided to attend his Alma Mater this fall to study Finance.

BF shares custody of 2 kids similar in age to mine, and it’s an extremely difficult co-parenting situation. He is an excellent, devoted father to his kids, and 100% financially supports them and his ex-wife. His ex manipulates the kids, and the courts have warned her multiple times for parental alienation when they were younger. I met him 6 years after their divorce.

His kids are respectful when we are together, but I can see that they are hesitant to form a bond with me out of loyalty to their mother (which I understand). Couple of weeks ago they found out where my child will be attending university (it’s an extremely hard business school to get into), and got visibly upset thinking that their dad helped my child- which isn’t the case. Now, his ex wife is making the kids feel worse, and telling them their father has moved on and left them behind.

We don’t live together, and not planning to do so until his youngest graduate high school. I have worked my ass off to get me and my child to where we are today financially, emotionally and socially. I’m not sure how to deal with his ex and the kids. Obviously I don’t want to cause any drama between him and his kids. It makes me sad for him, and myself because I’m hesitant to continue the relationship if his kids are not on board. We are extremely compatible in most of the other things, and we love each other. Any insight on what to do here?

For some background, I am 24 years old now and my parents divorced when I was 17. Admittedly I am still pretty upset about the whole situation because I feel it really divided my family and put a strain on my relationships with both of my parents and my two younger sisters (they are 20 now). My mother remarried and moved to another state and my dad is still in the same area with a now long-term partner (soon to be married). I have never, throughout these past 7 years, had any desire whatsoever to establish a connection to their new partners. I have made attempts to have a good attitude and attend gatherings, but I still feel the same way. I am never explicitly rude, but do think I come off cold towards them. This has upset my mother a lot, since she has tried (and forced me at times) to make a connection with her new husband and his family. My dad doesn’t seem too bothered with it and he has never tried to force things in the same way my mom has. I just can’t bring myself to fake being interested in these people. I didn’t get to choose my family being destroyed, so why am I obligated to just accept these people as my new family and treat them as such? I want my parents to be happy and I’m glad they found people, but I just don’t care to make a connection with their new partners/family. There’s a lot more info here that I could sit and explain but it would take forever. The main point of this is to ask: Am I being childish and or selfish by being cold towards my “step family”?

Husband is a widower, with 2 teenage kids. About 9 months ago I moved into their family home, pending the purchase of a new home. It's mostly gone very well. But sometimes I still feel like the odd one out. I try to be a female figure to the children, not encroaching too much but enforcing certain rules related with tidiness and cleanliness of the house, and with their laziness when it comes to studying. Such a fine line to be treading. Your experiences are welcome.

Anyone added a baby to an already hectic blended family dynamic? I think we moved too fast moving in with the kids. I have one son who is 8 and my partner has 3 - 3 5 7. It’s hectic but he only has his every second weekend and my son is with my 50/50

The discipline differences are frustrating but I understand why he doesn’t want to be too hard as he doesn’t see them often.

Recently found out I’m pregnant - I’m 41 years old and it came as a surprise. I’m unsure what to do - is this going to create even more stress or will it be the thing that binds us and the kids will love!

For context the kids don’t exactly love each other all the time but they get along for most of it.

Anyway have a similar story?

As titled this post is about my fiancé’s dad. My fiance (25 M), and I (23 F) live with his dad (53 m) and my sister (21 F). It’s very important to note my sister and I are American born and raised, my fiance and his father are Cuban but my fiance is American raised (he moved here at age 2).

My fiance has been trying to have his dad come live with us in America the last four years and he just got the green light to come in December (we specifically waited to get all his paperwork in before he could come not just an approval for him to be here). About two weeks after moving in he started begging for work, trying to learn how to drive, trying to cook the way he does at home. Trying to learn the area, ofc We were understanding and patient because it’s a whole new life basically.

We explained we would like him to learn a little more English before doing any work or driving however with his constant asking my fiance gave in and got him a job, shortly after starting we learned just how set in his ways he is. Every little thing he’s done has been a safety hazard for himself if not everyone. Cooking he’s familiar with but he cooks at high temperatures with lots and lots of oil, he’s left the stove on a few times if we called him from the kitchen not realizing he was cooking instead of turning the stove off or explaining that he was cooking, when we go to pick him up or drop him off he will walk directly in front of the cars while they’re moving, not wait in areas that we need him too and much others. As well as walk off and completely disappear/ get lost while we are shopping.

We’ve tried explaining how safety here is seen, what we do to stay safe, and continue asking him to work on his English and in return I will also continue working on my Spanish. He agrees however we still have to go behind him and turn down the stove (for context our burners go up to 9 and he will cook spaghetti sauce and beef on 7.5), we got him a job he lost in three weeks because most of the crew couldn’t work to keep themselves as well as him safe because he was blatantly ignoring all precautions the company had in place (he was working in roadside construction) and he speaks the same amount of English he did when he got her in December (roughly one full sentence? Or about six words realistically)

I guess my main issue is we aren’t sure how to get through to him? We want him to continue thriving here, he tells me daily how much he’s missed out on his son’s life because he wanted him to move to America with his mom, that he wasn’t there for him growing up as much as he would like to be. But in that he’s driving his own son away because he’s trying to make up for lost time, he only wants to work to send money and a car back to the rest of the family still living in Cuba, and he doesn’t understand me when I try to talk to him nor can I understand when he talks to me in Spanish.

Is there anything we can try to encourage him to learn how to live here basically? How American culture and safety works? We’ve tried talking to him, letting him just learn at his last job what happens with ignoring those around you and even at his current job where he’s with other Spanish speakers but injuring himself often.

TLDR; My F.I.L is a menace to try and teach/ guide due to being so hard headed and stuck in his ways. I’m looking for any way to try and get through to him how culture and life here works due to his Son being at his limit with trying to talk/ explain/ do stuff for him after so many times explaining.

I’m looking for advice, support, or even just to hear from people who’ve been through something similar because I feel like I’m drowning.

I’m struggling with my co-parenting situation with my son’s father, and emotionally I don’t know how to keep doing this.

For some background, my son’s father wasn’t involved until our son was about 2.5 years old. He’s 4 now. We started with mediation, where I had primary care and his dad slowly worked up from short visits to longer stays. Eventually he decided he didn’t want to continue mediation, so everything went through lawyers instead.

I want to be completely honest because I know my past matters in this story.

Last summer, my son went on the longest visit he’d ever had with his dad. I had spent the first 2.5 years of his life as a single mom, and my entire identity revolved around being his mom. Being away from him that long absolutely broke me. During that time I started using drugs. I recognized I had a problem, admitted it to everyone, and checked myself into rehab. I got sober, completed treatment, and since then I’ve taken weekly drug tests. I have never failed one.

Despite staying sober and doing everything I possibly can to prove that, my past addiction became a major factor in our custody case.

Now we have joint legal custody, but his dad has primary physical custody.

Until school starts, I get two weeks with my son every 60 days. We alternate holidays, and I get seven weeks in the summer. Because he’ll be starting kindergarten, I won’t have more than those two-week visits until 2028.

It’s devastating.

I’m staying sober because my son deserves that, and I’m proud of that. But every day feels like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.

I only get two FaceTime calls each week. Lately those calls have become really difficult. His dad now has a wife another young child. During our calls the younger child often grabs the phone or iPad and runs away, making it almost impossible to have a conversation. I politely asked if they could help minimize those interruptions, but they became defensive and basically told me no. They also refuse to be flexible with the call schedule, even when work occasionally makes it impossible for me to make the exact time they chose.

What scares me most is that if I have to miss a call because of work, I worry they’re telling my son that I just didn’t call. I never want him to think I don’t want to talk to him.

Recently my son has also started having significant behavioral problems at daycare. He’s apparently being sent home multiple times a week, is close to being expelled, and is on a behavioral contract.

The heartbreaking part is that he’s reportedly told adults that he acts out because he wants to go to my house or to my parents’ house.

When he’s with me, he gets to spend time with his grandparents because we all live close together. His dad is military, so they live far away, which is why true 50/50 custody isn’t possible.

I know four-year-olds can’t make custody decisions, and I know I have to be careful not to put words in his mouth. But hearing that absolutely shattered me because I worry he’s struggling emotionally with being away from me.

He also wouldn’t need daycare if he lived with me because my schedule is flexible enough to care for him myself.

On top of everything, his dad has started talking about ADHD and possibly medication. I understand that ADHD is real and that medication can absolutely help some children when it’s appropriate. I also know my family’s history with addiction makes me nervous about rushing into medication before he’s even had a chance to start kindergarten and receive a full evaluation. I feel like I have so little control over decisions that affect my son’s life.

I guess what I’m really need help with is this:

How do I survive this emotionally?

How do I make sure my son knows that I love him beyond words and that I’m not choosing to be away from him—that I’m simply following a court order?

If you were the child in a custody situation like this, what helped you feel loved by the parent you saw less?

If you’re a parent who’s been separated from your child because of custody, how did you cope without falling apart?

I carry so much guilt over one terrible mistake. I take full responsibility for it, and I’ve worked incredibly hard to rebuild my life and stay sober. But sometimes it feels like no matter how much I change, that mistake will define me forever.

I miss my son every single day. It honestly feels like there’s a hole in my heart where he should be.

I’m trying to use my time productively. I’m staying sober, working, and trying to build a good life so I can continue being the best mom I can be. But nothing fills the space of not getting to raise my little boy.

Another thing that’s been really painful is trying to navigate his dad’s new family. I’ve genuinely tried to be welcoming and inclusive because I know his wife is someone who spends a significant amount of time helping care for my son. I wanted us to have a respectful co-parenting relationship for his sake.

The reality is that we’ve never really had a relationship outside of a group chat with my son’s father. I don’t actually know her personally. Over time, though, she’s started making snarky comments and responding in ways that feel unnecessarily rude whenever I bring up concerns or ask for something reasonable. Every interaction leaves me feeling like I’m the enemy instead of another parent who loves this little boy. They have told me in the group chat I can't even say 'my son' I have to say our child , and I can't say as things where I refer to my self as his mother because she feels like her place is being minimized even when I've told her that I know she a parent in this situation and I respect her position and by no means would minimize that. It's nit-picky but I'm a nice person and try to make everyone feel comfortable. It's just that when I try to respectfully say that she's saying inappropriate things she just gets defensive and will not change her tone.

My son has also started calling her “Mom.” I understand that children can develop close relationships with stepparents, and I’m glad he has people who care about him, but hearing that has been incredibly painful. It makes me feel like I’m slowly being replaced in my own child’s life.

Lately I’ve also started worrying that the way they talk about me around my son may be affecting how he sees me. I can’t know exactly what’s being said, but there have been moments that make me wonder if he’s getting the impression that I don’t want to call him or don’t want to be involved, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I love him more than anything, and every day I’m simply trying to follow the custody order while staying as present as I legally can.

I’ve spent a long time trying to be the bigger person because I believed that kindness and cooperation would eventually make co-parenting easier. Right now, though, I feel exhausted. It feels like no matter how respectful or accommodating I try to be, nothing changes, and I’m left wondering how to protect my relationship with my son while still taking the high road.

If anyone has advice, encouragement, or has lived through something similar—whether as a parent or as the child—I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Thank you for reading.

This is a new account for obvious reasons. This is not something I discuss under my main account and don’t wish to have connected to it.

I am a woman in my mid 30s married to a man, 40, for 10 years. We have been together for 14 years. He has 2 daughters who are now 16 and 18 and a son who is 20. All with his ex wife. We have a 12 year old daughter together.

He left his ex when the kids were 5, 3 and 1 but they didn’t officially divorce until 3 years later. Yes we were already living together when he finally got divorced. It took as long as it did because his ex fought it every step of the way because she had a very hard time accepting that it was truly over.

For most of the last 14 years, his kids have been with us every other weekend during the school year and every other week in the summer except when his ex was having issues - there were several instances where they lived with us full time for a matter of months. But recently things have changed.

His ex ended her own life last October. She never completely recovered from the end of their marriage. She had been dealing with depression and alcohol abuse issues off and on since he left her. She had placed the blame for her problems squarely on my shoulders. Even until the end she was convinced that had I not been in the picture, they would have been able to put their family back together.

I was not the other woman. I did not know him when he and his wife were together. They were separated when we met and started dating. He had no interest in being with her or fixing their marriage and he had made that very clear. He would not have reconciled with her regardless of whether he and I had never met. That relationship was over. He did not love her and he did not want to be with her.

But of course the kids now blame me for the death of their mother. Because of her words leading up to her death, they are firmly convinced that if I had just gone away their father and mother could have been together and she would not have died. He has tried to explain to them that she had emotional and mental health issues long before they were even born and that those were not caused by the end of the marriage. But of course they don’t believe him. But they don’t hate him for it. They hate me for it.

As of right now, they actually stay most of the time with his ex wife’s parents even though they are supposed to be full time here. They won’t live here as long as I am here. They do see their father. He takes them out to dinner often, visits them at their grandparents several evenings a week and has done a couple of weekends away with them over the summer so far and has a 2 week vacation in August. He plans to take them camping for a week then he is going to come back and he and I and our daughter are going to a different campground together because he feels like she has been a bit neglected through all of this.

Obviously, this isn’t sustainable. Something has to change. He can’t keep living two entirely separate lives. It’s killing him. We see him maybe 2 days a week. If we are lucky. I get it that they are going through a difficult time and I am trying to be understanding but this can’t go on indefinitely. He wants them to come home and live here and to move forward as a family. But they are so against living with me and being around me and blame me for their mother’s death.

I’m just at a loss where to go from here. I don’t want to force the issue. I know they are hurting. But it is so hard to be blamed for something that was not my fault. I just don’t know what to do. I just know that living this way is not sustainable and I’m not leaving my husband or my home to make them happy. That’s one step too far.

Edit: Y'all, I specifically said I'm NOT trying to change the plans we currently have for who gets which bedroom. I was merely asking if it made sense the other way I thought of. I'm getting some responses that come off as highly offended on behalf of my stepdaughter when I'm not even trying to give her room away. I'm on board with our current plan, I just thought the alternative would have made more sense 😂

I (35F) met my now husband (43M) about 7 years ago in the summer of 2019. We started talking and hanging out in fall of 2019 and started officially dating end of 2019 around Christmas. He has two daughters from his first marriage, aged 12 and 9 when I met them. After a short break up in spring of 2020, he and I got back together and I moved in. In January of 2021, I found out I was pregnant with our first son who made his debut fall of 2021. We live in a small 3 bedroom house, for lack of a better term, but it was never an issue as both girls had their own room and our young son stayed in our room in crib and eventually bed.

Spring of 2025, my husband i married. 3 months later I was pregnant with our second son who is now nearly 4 months old. We're in the process of finishing fixing up a 3 bedroom we purchased and spent a lot of time and money to get move in ready, and it's getting close, which I'm excited about.

Here's my issue. The now 18 year old stepdaughter is starting college in a month in a nearby city. She won't be staying with us due to the commute being too long. She's staying in the area of her college. Her whole senior year before graduating a couple months ago, she spent more time in the city than here, once you took sleep and time at school into consideration. She's barely spent a whole week put together here since summer began. But she gets a room to herself. The now 16 year old gets her own room as well. Which means our now almost 5 year old AND four month old infant are both still in our bedroom with us. When i brought up to my husband that we could have put the girls in one room with a bunk bed since the elder won't be around much and have the boys in the other, he said, "Well both girls are getting their rooms." I wasn't trying to say we should change the plan now. We do intend to build room additions, but that kind of work is pricey, even in materials alone. We're looking at a year before that happens, and more likely it will be two years or more. I love my sons, and I absolutely want my college girl to have somewhere to crash when she's down here. But.....getting to enjoy my marriage bedroom eventually is also pretty important to me. Especially understanding how important the physical aspect of marriage is for both of us and how tricky it's become to find any opportunities.

I don't know. I'm frustrated about this, but I also don't want to sound whiny. I definitely don't think that we should try changing the plans we already have set to suddenly get the girls in one room and the boys in the other to free up our master bedroom of children. But I don't quite understand why we're giving a whole bedroom to the kid who's moving on with her life as kids do around this age and keeping the younger two with us for another year or more.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that? Am I right in thinking it's silly, considering how many kids we have and how many bedrooms? What do y'all think?

do yall ever regret marrying someone with more than one kid? or even 1 kid? i feel ashamed admitting this but sometimes i feel like i settled because i never imagined i would end up with someone with 2 kids, i do have a daughter and i would have preferred someone with no more than 1 kid. english is my third language so i apologize in advance just wanted to vent because at first it didn’t bother me but after almost 1 year married to him sometimes i wonder if i would have just waited to meet someone different i do love my husband but idk 😪

English Translation

Is this a page about healthy families, or is it an echo chamber too?

I'm asking sincerely, because when I visit pages for stepparents, all I find are people saying they hate their stepchildren, that they can't stand them anymore—often children who are seven or eight years old, teenagers, and so on. People saying they hate these kids and their mothers, many times simply because they exist. These children already come from dysfunctional families, and then they're hated even more. And that's somehow considered acceptable in those groups.

But when someone comes along and says, "Hey, if you're a stepparent and you want to have a healthy partnership with your spouse or partner, maybe it's worth considering whether it's really a good idea to stay completely detached from their children," they're punished for it. That's what I said, and I was banned.

I said, "When you're a real partner, you help your partner with their mother if they need it, with their pet, and with their children." And when I said help, I meant exactly that: help.

I was talking about situations like an emergency. For example, your husband or wife is stuck in traffic after work and calls you saying, "The school is about to close. Could you please pick up my child? I can't make it in time."

I said that the right response would be, "Yes, I can go get them."

That isn't taking on the role of a mother or a father. It's simply doing someone a favor—the same kind of favor you might do for a friend, a sister, or an aunt.

My grandmother once traveled with a lifelong friend so that her friend could have surgery in the capital city. She could have said no, but she cared about her friend and wanted to help. That's altruism.

Then a stepmother commented that what I was describing was sexism. She claimed that the kind of altruism I was talking about somehow meant that a stepmother should become the child's actual mother.

My goodness, where do people come up with these interpretations?

Certainly from frustrated minds that feed on even more frustration in groups that function as nothing more than echo chambers.

And I'm not even going to talk about the groups exclusively for stepmothers, because those are somehow even worse.

We’re not in a rush to move in, but we’d like to start preparing now. We each have children and want to set everyone up for success. His is younger and seem to be easily adjusting to changes so far but my kids are a bit older and are having a harder time with the changes. We want to make the next transition as easy on them as possible. What conversations, routines, or boundaries did you establish before blending households? How did you help your kids with jealousy and feeling like they still had their own place in the family?

Sorry, this will probably be a long rant. If you don’t want to read, a TLDR is that religious differences are starting to negatively affect my bio kids and I’d like advice how to separate religion brought in by my step kids from my bio kids while also giving my step kids as much freedom as possible with their relationship with God. Also, I say “I” a lot, I promise my husband is also here with me 100% and we handle these things together. It’s just how I’m talking and my feelings.

Want to preface this by saying a few things. First, that I am a step parent. Second, when my husband and I first got together, his ex was not religious so this was not an issue. Third, I support anyones journey with religion, no matter what or how that looks like as long as it isn’t negatively affecting them or the people around them.

They have 2 children together, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. All of the children are 7 and younger. My husband shares 50/50 with his ex, so their kids are here quite a bit.

Within the last 6 months or so, my husbands ex has jumped head first into religion and has brought their two children along. Our household isn’t religious, the most religion we have here is a Catholic cross that was given to me by my grandfather before he passed that is hanging above the doorway in my room so they never even see it, and I wanted my children to be older to better comprehend religion before them digging into it.

These last 2 months, I have been asked the question “if I do XYZ, will I go to hell?” approximately 104,926 times by all 4 children. The first time I was asked was by my oldest and I was absolutely bewildered that she knew what Hell was and that if you do bad things, thats where you end up. I have never said anything like that to any of the kids, and I have been adamant that being scared into submission in any form isn’t something I will subject my children to.

Accountability has almost completely gone out the window with his children, also. If they do something they shouldn’t, they say the Devil whispered in their ear to do it and that they listened. And this one is just an eye roll, but I am so tired of them requesting to listen to the same 3 Christian songs 😭

The Hell thing, I tried to negate by saying “you’re so young, God knows this and would never punish you in that way” but their mom had previously told them that it doesn’t matter how old you are, you should just do good.

Mom also told them that everyone listens to the Devil sometimes, but as long as you repent, it’s okay. It’s actually not okay because adults don’t get to not go to prison for the bad things they did just because they believe in Jesus.

My oldest told me last night at bed time that they were scared of hell and that they wouldn’t ever do anything bad ever again because they didn’t want to go there forever. They had a hard time sleeping last night because they kept having nightmares of being in Hell. I’m just not sure how someone can hear their young child say that and not think it’s messed up that they’re being scared into doing what they think is the right thing. I want my kids to be good because they’re actively choosing to be good, not because they’re scared that their soul will be damned for all eternity if they aren’t.

I support my step kids relationship with God even though I don’t have one. I talk to them about God, I pray with them before bed time, I sing hymns with them, I even take them to Wednesday evening church every time they’re with us because they enjoy going. My husband has a lot of religious trauma so these things can be quite difficult for him to do with them, but I am okay with picking up the slack in that department. He does all these things with them as well except take them to evening church.

Anyway, how do I go about separating their religious beliefs as much as possible from my bio kids while still giving them as much freedom as possible to continue to build the relationship they want with God? Can I even do that at all? How do I handle comforting my own children with their fears of Hell when they’re being told by my step kids that what my husband and I say isn’t right because their mom has said differently? How can I start a healthy conversation with my step kids and ask them to tone the religious talk down some?

I tried explaining to them all that everyone has their own beliefs and that it’s okay if they don’t align as long as you’re respectful to each other about it, and I have had to stop at least 2 serious fights about it, but they still constantly argue and bicker about it and the fear of eternal damnation is taking over my bio kids, especially my oldest.

I don’t want to ban religion from our house, I don’t want my step kids to feel like they have to choose us or religion, but the fear mongering is getting to be too much for me and my husband to handle.

Ive (M35) been dating this amazing woman (F30) for two years. We were very slow and intentional with introducing our young kids. But for the past year we’ve done everything together, and she has become integral to my son’s (M7) life.

She has decided we’re incompatible and wants a break. No idea for how long. Obviously I’m devastated, but now I’m faced with this challenge: how do I tell my son? How do I tell him the woman he fantasized about me marrying so her daughter could be his sister is gone? That one of his best friends is out of his life forever now?

It’s been about a month, and he asks if we’re going to their house soon and I steer the conversation away. But I think it’s time.

I’d really love some advice, thank you.

I see a lot of podcasts and blogs out there written by stepmoms. I also see some stuff by stepdads who seem to promote mysogynist ideas or stereotypes. My partner’s son was just over 2 years old when we moved in together after going ahead with a surprise pregnancy. I love this child and I also have a hard time meeting my partner’s expectations about how to be with him — she is a beloved kindergarten teacher and highly trained in child development. She also has a lot of trauma from her own childhood, and anxiety about the safety of her son in navigating two households. Plus we have a one-year-old together, so everything’s changing all the time for all of us. It’s complex ! I’m looking for good advice not only from stepdads but from couples who have found alignment over time or can speak to common dynamics that emerge for blended families, and how to heal them. Any advice for books, podcasts, or other resources?

Ik this may sound rude but she just doesn’t understand that words effect people and to keep opinions to herself. she ALWAYS finds ways to criticize me for being lazy and not doing anything. OR complains about my temper that yes I need to control but holy fuck. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE GETS THE CHANCE TO SHE JUST GOSE FOR IT. Then she gets mad that I don’t do what she asked EVEN THO, I am someone who can’t do shit when am emotional.

OR tells my dad I want to drag her out of the house so I can control him, you don’t know my intentions. I learned to just agree with everything and just let it go past but then she uses it against me TO my dad.

I am not a perfect daughter by any means I get that I am rude and my temper gets the best of me and I just want to stay all day in my room and not do shit and get a job. But it’s hard getting motivation when everything I do, she just craps on. Am not saying she’s a horrible person, she’s very sweet and thoughtful but can she just keep her options to herself. I don’t need to be shitted on every single day and she expect me to just be motivated. KNOWING AM SENSITIVE AND MY DAD TO. My dad can’t do nice things without me needing to do something in return… so your saying my dad driving me to a place but me not doing nice things for him is selfish… even tho I do when giving the opportunity????

An other example is she works with my uncle, and sweet guy, but he can be a real bitch to work with and WHILE MY DAD WAS IN SPEAKER PHONE WITH HIM IN THE SAME ROOM, she just goes off about how horrible he is and shits talks and then says “ well he’s like you, can be a very nice individual but can be a real bitch“ and its just… I feel like such an ass all the time and I am someone that shuts down when emotions because I feel things HARD, and plus am lit a sponge that socked up feelings form everyone by just a look.

Am I being crazy or no?

TLDR: Having a hard time accepting new gf and my mom now won’t be around her. I want to mend all the relationships, but don’t know how to.

Reddit told me to post here too, I’m getting a lot of comments on /relationshipadvice that it’s weird/unhealthy my ex husband and I maintained a friendship and spent holidays together until very recently. Would like blended family perspectives.
I have had a rocky relationship with my ex husband since he started dating a girl about 9 months ago because he spends less time with our son. Before this gf we got along great, spent every holiday together since our divorce 6 years ago with my parents and his mom and my new partner of 4 years, and had all our family traditions the last 13 years all turned upside down because of this new gf not wanting him to spend anytime with me. For reference, I am not at all a threat, but when I was 24 and dating the same man, I also was insecure and jealous, lol. I liked his last gf, who was around his age, with 3 of her own children, also was divorced and lots of life experience, as us middle aged folks tend to have. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out long term. Anyways, in January he stopped coming to all our family functions and that broke mine, our kids, and my parents’ heart. He missed my parents birthdays and Easter the first time in 13 years.

Anyways, I realize the only thing I can control is me and my behavior so I’m trying REALLY hard to like this girl, find common ground, and accept her- and I need advice on how to get over some mental block obstacles. So I invited her to my 15 year old daughter’s birthday dinner think that would help. My daughter was upset with me and said “she’s weird and Dads weird around her,” (he’s her step dad and he spends a lot less time with her now too, so she’s hurt). Trying to allow room for feelings. This was the first time my mom met gf, and I was hopeful this could be a bridge to ex husband rejoining us for holidays again. I thought if she got to know us, things would get better and I’d be able to “humanize” her more and be kinder in my head about my issues. My ex was shocked- an olive branch. I was so trying to make things better between all of us and it seems like I’m making it worse and can use advise on what not to do. Like do I just accept that my family is torn apart and my kids won’t get to spend time with both their parents anymore? I know our arrangement is abnormal to lots of folks.

Long story short after the dinner my effort to fix things, my mom \*\*really\*\* doesn’t like the gf. She ranted a lot and said she didn’t want to be around her again, that she ruined the party (I think that’s a bit of a dramatization), but it was indeed awkward for the rest of us. Even my MIL didn’t get a word in. I defended gf and tried to convince my mom she’s not that bad (I was lying to myself but mind over matter, right? I’m working on mindfulness lol).

Fast forward a month and it’s my son’s birthday. My mom is stoked to celebrate with us, texting about it for weeks about the perfect gift she had express shipped to get there for his dinner…and then she asks if gf will be there and I admit that I wasn’t told specifically, but I assumed so. The next thing I know she’s not coming last minute. Like an hour before she cancels. I think an important side note is that in between these two dinners, my ex lied to me all in an effort to take my son to his gfs dads house on Fathers Day instead of taking him to my dads house like we have always done. My dad was hurt and my mom furious. My ex doesn’t have a dad in his life and my dad IS his dad as calls him son, and they talk on the regular (albeit a lot less recently since gf). We are having a “friend party” for my son over the weekend and I invited my mom to that and she refused to come. I said me and ex can come this weekend with kids to their house without the gf and she only wants to visit when my ex is not there…

So I drafted a calm, non accusatory (as possible) text explaining why my mom is not coming, the specific issues she (and I and others) have with gf and her behavior and asked to please have a convo with gf that there are boundaries that we have in place that she needs to follow- that at this party she is a guest, not a host, not a parent. At his dinner she made my son stop taking a bite of his cake so she could flip the cake around and get a “perfect” picture when me and his dad already had pictures covered. This was after she did not greet me or my daughter, did not speak to me or even look at me for about 20 minutes when I got fed up being uncomfortable and smiled and nicely asked engaging questions it would be very clear she wasn’t answering. Do I just accept the silent treatment? I can admit my faults in this situation, but my father’s child and I always put on a face, be cordial and pleasant when the kids are around. The silent treatment in front of my children hinders me to access being empathetic and understanding and I’m looking for tips if that’s what I should do. But is this thinking not helpful? I do not accept lying and before her, by ex never lied to me. I point out when he lies, and I admit I get heated. Is letting it go or confronting it a better way? Then again, she snaps at waitresses, so I’m not the only one that display being upset. My new therapist told me to talk shit in my head and then go home and rant to my partner, she said if I didn’t I’d explode….and I feel close to that. My old mental health practitioner and I focused on being non judgmental and understanding and always choosing kindness….and I feel like I can’t right now. Please help

Asking for some advice. Thank you in advance. I'm thinking of discussing splitting finances with my wife. Blended Christian family. I have one daughter (17). She has 2 sons and a daughter (14, 12, 9). Married 18 months ago. Before marriage, I was of the mind that we should share finances. No separation of money. She agreed. Part of that is our faith. Another part is that we believe that in marriage, it's all in. I earn about 4 times as much as her. We both have good, stable careers. We own 2 homes and have no problem paying the mortgages or expenses for them. Financially, life is comfortable. Neither of us spend wildly but there is a vast difference in normal expenses between her kids and my child. A good example would be the grocery bill. $650 at Costco is not an unusual thing. Unfortunately, much of those groceries end up being wasted (thrown away because so much is purchased and not planned for). I've begun to notice some things with our finances that are concerning. Recently, there was $10K of debit in one account and when I politely asked her about it, she became defensive and said that she didn't recall what she spent it on (it ended up being home insurance, car insurance); the issue for me was not the expense, but that she got defensive and couldn't remember spending the money. We had agreed early on to discuss large expenses for transparency but this hasn't happened. When I look at what is coming and and what is going out, her spending is significantly more than mine. Not unexpected as she does the grocery shopping and has 3 kids. However, she receives child support from her ex and that money is not deposited into the family account. We both have separate checking accounts that were preexisting. I use mine for my child support payment and an old loan (0% interest). Her child support goes in hers. So, why am I thinking of separating finances? My wife's behavior changed after we got married. She is often defensive, quietly angry with silent treatment toward me. Her silence goes on for days (usually 4-5). We've discussed this and had some counseling but nothing has changed. I never saw this when we were dating for 1.5 years. I'm feeling like I'm being taken advantage of because I contribute much to the family but am often punished for things that I haven't done. An example is that she accused me of hiding something on my phone; I unlocked it, gave it to her and told her that I would explain anything she found on the phone (there is nothing on there that is inappropriate). I'm feeling like the only thing that I'm valuable for is the resources I bring to the home. When she is stable, she is wonderful and a good partner but this pattern is happening at least every 2 weeks (it happened on my birthday, Father's Day). It's happening right now as we depart for home after what was supposed to be an amazing European vacation (she shut down 4 days ago). Do I pull back finances and reevaluate down the road?

A bit of background; SO is 56 with an adult daughter who is only 9 years younger than I am (I’m 42, she is 32). We get along extremely well and are looking forward to being family. With the closeness in age and the fact that I am not really a “mother-figure”, (I don’t do discipline, actual mothering, etc) I am unsure that the term mother-in-law/daughter-in-law or even MIL/DIL sounds like something we want to use. It sounds old and not accurate to our relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions?

**Edit note- I’m not actually changing the post, just aging a note that I DO realize that I misspoke/mistyped by saying “in-law” and that I realize that isn’t the correct relationship. That was my fault. I obviously meant STEP parent.

My husband’s ex wife works at a local hospital as a nurse practitioner there. Even before she works there, I have been a patient there for many years. It’s the best hospital in our region.

After we got married, she tried to approach me “discussing a cordial relationship.” I said No. It’s my boundary. My husband told her not to approach to his partner, which is even written in their divorce decree (lol we both know her controlling behavior pattern.)

Then I am pregnant, and I have to go to the hospital, unfortunately the clinic where she works. I always ask the front desk to avoid her. There are probably 20 different doctors in the team. Sometimes she saw me there. Anytime she saw me, she would text my husband how sad she was because I am pregnant, asking for some form of validation for their previous marriage. We just laughed and ignored her texts.

Yesterday we ran into each other at a grocery store, I nodded and smiled. Then she started to harass me, again, “a talk.” I replied, no, I don’t want any direct contact. Then she texted, “And since you prefer things this way, I thought I’d pass on my work schedule for your information as well. I’ve told you but you all still came to my clinic the day I was working there.”

She wants me to make appointments around her schedule. If I cannot avoid her working schedule, I need to inform her about my appointment time. She worked there four days and I can only pick Friday?

I think it’s ridiculous request. It’s a large hospital. Also, her feeling is none of my business. My concern is, does she have access to my medical information? (Literally she is in the clinic team.) Should I change to a new clinic? I don’t want to. Because It’s the only hospital with NICU and I have a complicated pregnancy.