FIL is hardheaded and my fiance is at his wits end
As titled this post is about my fiancé’s dad. My fiance (25 M), and I (23 F) live with his dad (53 m) and my sister (21 F). It’s very important to note my sister and I are American born and raised, my fiance and his father are Cuban but my fiance is American raised (he moved here at age 2).
My fiance has been trying to have his dad come live with us in America the last four years and he just got the green light to come in December (we specifically waited to get all his paperwork in before he could come not just an approval for him to be here). About two weeks after moving in he started begging for work, trying to learn how to drive, trying to cook the way he does at home. Trying to learn the area, ofc We were understanding and patient because it’s a whole new life basically.
We explained we would like him to learn a little more English before doing any work or driving however with his constant asking my fiance gave in and got him a job, shortly after starting we learned just how set in his ways he is. Every little thing he’s done has been a safety hazard for himself if not everyone. Cooking he’s familiar with but he cooks at high temperatures with lots and lots of oil, he’s left the stove on a few times if we called him from the kitchen not realizing he was cooking instead of turning the stove off or explaining that he was cooking, when we go to pick him up or drop him off he will walk directly in front of the cars while they’re moving, not wait in areas that we need him too and much others. As well as walk off and completely disappear/ get lost while we are shopping.
We’ve tried explaining how safety here is seen, what we do to stay safe, and continue asking him to work on his English and in return I will also continue working on my Spanish. He agrees however we still have to go behind him and turn down the stove (for context our burners go up to 9 and he will cook spaghetti sauce and beef on 7.5), we got him a job he lost in three weeks because most of the crew couldn’t work to keep themselves as well as him safe because he was blatantly ignoring all precautions the company had in place (he was working in roadside construction) and he speaks the same amount of English he did when he got her in December (roughly one full sentence? Or about six words realistically)
I guess my main issue is we aren’t sure how to get through to him? We want him to continue thriving here, he tells me daily how much he’s missed out on his son’s life because he wanted him to move to America with his mom, that he wasn’t there for him growing up as much as he would like to be. But in that he’s driving his own son away because he’s trying to make up for lost time, he only wants to work to send money and a car back to the rest of the family still living in Cuba, and he doesn’t understand me when I try to talk to him nor can I understand when he talks to me in Spanish.
Is there anything we can try to encourage him to learn how to live here basically? How American culture and safety works? We’ve tried talking to him, letting him just learn at his last job what happens with ignoring those around you and even at his current job where he’s with other Spanish speakers but injuring himself often.
TLDR; My F.I.L is a menace to try and teach/ guide due to being so hard headed and stuck in his ways. I’m looking for any way to try and get through to him how culture and life here works due to his Son being at his limit with trying to talk/ explain/ do stuff for him after so many times explaining.