To share or not to share finances?
Asking for some advice. Thank you in advance. I'm thinking of discussing splitting finances with my wife. Blended Christian family. I have one daughter (17). She has 2 sons and a daughter (14, 12, 9). Married 18 months ago. Before marriage, I was of the mind that we should share finances. No separation of money. She agreed. Part of that is our faith. Another part is that we believe that in marriage, it's all in. I earn about 4 times as much as her. We both have good, stable careers. We own 2 homes and have no problem paying the mortgages or expenses for them. Financially, life is comfortable. Neither of us spend wildly but there is a vast difference in normal expenses between her kids and my child. A good example would be the grocery bill. $650 at Costco is not an unusual thing. Unfortunately, much of those groceries end up being wasted (thrown away because so much is purchased and not planned for). I've begun to notice some things with our finances that are concerning. Recently, there was $10K of debit in one account and when I politely asked her about it, she became defensive and said that she didn't recall what she spent it on (it ended up being home insurance, car insurance); the issue for me was not the expense, but that she got defensive and couldn't remember spending the money. We had agreed early on to discuss large expenses for transparency but this hasn't happened. When I look at what is coming and and what is going out, her spending is significantly more than mine. Not unexpected as she does the grocery shopping and has 3 kids. However, she receives child support from her ex and that money is not deposited into the family account. We both have separate checking accounts that were preexisting. I use mine for my child support payment and an old loan (0% interest). Her child support goes in hers. So, why am I thinking of separating finances? My wife's behavior changed after we got married. She is often defensive, quietly angry with silent treatment toward me. Her silence goes on for days (usually 4-5). We've discussed this and had some counseling but nothing has changed. I never saw this when we were dating for 1.5 years. I'm feeling like I'm being taken advantage of because I contribute much to the family but am often punished for things that I haven't done. An example is that she accused me of hiding something on my phone; I unlocked it, gave it to her and told her that I would explain anything she found on the phone (there is nothing on there that is inappropriate). I'm feeling like the only thing that I'm valuable for is the resources I bring to the home. When she is stable, she is wonderful and a good partner but this pattern is happening at least every 2 weeks (it happened on my birthday, Father's Day). It's happening right now as we depart for home after what was supposed to be an amazing European vacation (she shut down 4 days ago). Do I pull back finances and reevaluate down the road?