Need Advice: I Don't Know If This Is Postpartum or Something More
Long Post!
I don't even know if this is about my baby's looks anymore. I think it's about how invisible I've started feeling.
I'm 7 months postpartum, working from home while taking care of my baby almost entirely on my own. I don't have a nanny, family nearby, or any real support system. My husband and I live together, but most of the responsibility of raising our baby falls on me.
Ever since my baby was born, I've heard the same comments over and over again.
"He looks exactly like his father."
"He has his grandfather's eyes."
"He looks like his grandmother."
"He even resembles his grandfather's sister."
Basically, everyone from my husband's side of the family.
Not once—not even once—has anyone said he looks like me or anyone from my side.
Logically, I know babies inherit features from both parents, and I know they change as they grow. I also know people probably don't mean any harm.
But emotionally... it hurts.
I carried him for nine months. I gave birth to him. I'm the one breastfeeding him, waking up at night, working from home while caring for him all day, and trying my best every single day. Yet every conversation about my baby somehow becomes about my husband's family.
What makes this even harder is the change I've seen in my husband. During my pregnancy, he wasn't very involved. He would often tell me that he didn't really feel like he was going to become a father because life hadn't changed for him. He continued going to work, meeting friends, partying, and living life as usual, while my entire life, body, and identity changed.
Now that our baby is here, I feel like his confidence has changed in a way that hurts me. He has even said, "Our baby exists because of me. You only gave birth to him."
That sentence has stayed with me.
If I "only gave birth," then what was my role? I carried our baby for nine months. I went through childbirth. I'm still recovering, breastfeeding, and raising him every single day. Was all of that so insignificant?
Sometimes I also feel that because everyone says the baby is adorable (touchwood) and looks like him, he sees it as validation of himself. Whether that's actually true or just how I perceive it now, I honestly don't know. But it has left me feeling like I'm somehow the "lesser" parent—as if all the good genes came from him and I barely matter.
Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, and emotional exhaustion are making everything feel bigger than it is.
But after hearing these comments for seven straight months, and feeling so emotionally unsupported, I genuinely don't know anymore.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? Did comments about your baby's resemblance affect you this much? Am I being overly sensitive, or are these feelings understandable?
I genuinely want honest advice because I don't like feeling this way, but I also don't know how to stop.
P.S. I wrote this with the help of ChatGPT because my thoughts and feelings were all over the place, and it helped me articulate them better.