r/twoxindiamums

Long Post!

I don't even know if this is about my baby's looks anymore. I think it's about how invisible I've started feeling.

I'm 7 months postpartum, working from home while taking care of my baby almost entirely on my own. I don't have a nanny, family nearby, or any real support system. My husband and I live together, but most of the responsibility of raising our baby falls on me.

Ever since my baby was born, I've heard the same comments over and over again.

"He looks exactly like his father."
"He has his grandfather's eyes."
"He looks like his grandmother."
"He even resembles his grandfather's sister."

Basically, everyone from my husband's side of the family.
Not once—not even once—has anyone said he looks like me or anyone from my side.

Logically, I know babies inherit features from both parents, and I know they change as they grow. I also know people probably don't mean any harm.

But emotionally... it hurts.

I carried him for nine months. I gave birth to him. I'm the one breastfeeding him, waking up at night, working from home while caring for him all day, and trying my best every single day. Yet every conversation about my baby somehow becomes about my husband's family.

What makes this even harder is the change I've seen in my husband. During my pregnancy, he wasn't very involved. He would often tell me that he didn't really feel like he was going to become a father because life hadn't changed for him. He continued going to work, meeting friends, partying, and living life as usual, while my entire life, body, and identity changed.

Now that our baby is here, I feel like his confidence has changed in a way that hurts me. He has even said, "Our baby exists because of me. You only gave birth to him."
That sentence has stayed with me.

If I "only gave birth," then what was my role? I carried our baby for nine months. I went through childbirth. I'm still recovering, breastfeeding, and raising him every single day. Was all of that so insignificant?

Sometimes I also feel that because everyone says the baby is adorable (touchwood) and looks like him, he sees it as validation of himself. Whether that's actually true or just how I perceive it now, I honestly don't know. But it has left me feeling like I'm somehow the "lesser" parent—as if all the good genes came from him and I barely matter.
Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, and emotional exhaustion are making everything feel bigger than it is.

But after hearing these comments for seven straight months, and feeling so emotionally unsupported, I genuinely don't know anymore.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Did comments about your baby's resemblance affect you this much? Am I being overly sensitive, or are these feelings understandable?

I genuinely want honest advice because I don't like feeling this way, but I also don't know how to stop.

P.S. I wrote this with the help of ChatGPT because my thoughts and feelings were all over the place, and it helped me articulate them better.

You guys! I hired a nanny and today was her first day. She's a 40 year old, traditional Nepali woman who has handled small babies. My five month old baby girl kept screaming in her arms and refused to settle with her. Baby girl played with her on the mat though. Here are The red flags/ annoying things the nanny said: and I quote:

1. Your baby cries too often. I think your milk is not sufficient enough for and she's crying so frequently because she's hungry. Pls squeeze your breasts and check if milk is coming and start formula.

2. You got her used to just your arms and now she won't come to anyone except you.

3. You got her used to nursing to sleep so now no one can put her to sleep. You should have rocked her to sleep. You need to start doing it now only after that can I try.

Today was first day and it was just me showing her a day in the life. She couldn't handle the baby patiently was just fault finding either with me or baby each time my baby cried. I'm wondering if I'm paying 16k per month to just listen to stuff my MIL would tell me for free? Do all nannies give this much unsolicited advice and crib about everything so much? First baby, first time even speaking to a nanny so I'm super clueless. What do you guys think? Should I keep her or look for someone else?

Hi, I am planning to buy a baby carrier. Wanted suggestions on reliable brands by age group.

Has anyone tried the Infantino carrier?

the other day my son fell asleep on my shoulder after fighting his nap for almost an hour. i remember standing there for way longer than I needed to because I knew one day he'd be too big to fall asleep like that. It wasn't a milestone or anything special, but I have a feeling I'll remember that moment forever.

After recent daycare fiasco funny how the whole of Instagram has reached 2 conclusions :

1st conclusion :

Blame working mothers
Don’t have kids if you don’t have time
Parents are finding easy way out to get rid of kids
Modern women don’t want to look after their baby
Work is more important than baby

2nd conclusion: (by men who want financial contribution by women)

Modern women don’t want to stay with in-laws
In-laws would happily take care of babies
Working women deserve this for choosing a nuclear setup
Some men bashing their own wives saying “my wife doesn’t get along with my mother and i don’t have any option”

There is clearly no winning here for women.

Ever since becoming a parent I’ve noticed moms are somehow expected to remember EVERYTHING, feeds, appointments, clothes, medicine, routines, milestones, while everyone else just “helps.” it's so ingrained in our minds, my husband shouldnt be "helping" ME with the kid as if its my job in reality. does anybody else relate?

FTM here and my baby is 7 days old. He has slight jaundice.

2 days back we saw some orange stains in his diaper and today his urine colour has been rustic/orange in colour since last 2 diaper change.

Perplexity says this is normal urate crystals which is there in new borns but not sure.

Just FYI - He is exclusively BF with 8-10 wet diapers as of now.

The Capegemini incident has shook me to depth. I was planning to put my kid in Daycare bt now I'm having second thoughts. My kid is too tiny and he might not be able to have words to explain if something is wrong. I'm just soo confused and scared now.

Anyone has any alternate options or recommendations??

So I got a new nanny. My baby is 10 months old, he got quickly friendly with her.

Now it's just been 10 days and she touches her face to his and today kissed his cheek infront of me.

I know that she needs to be affectionate because she stays with him all day but I think it is ok to create a boundary here.

Hi guys, my baby's hair has grown out enough that falls on her eyes. I want to start making a fountain ponytail but no hair ties sit well on her silky, fine hair. How are you guys tying up your babies' hair? Any recommendations for hair ties or elastics will be super useful, thanks!

How in the world does my Instagram algo knows that I am in my first trimester, second then third and now facing gas issues, baby is grunting and so many more details! I am on iphone and not even on Android. I am not researching gas issues or grunting issues on google or on Instagram.

It's alarming and sick!

Hi, I’m 6 months PP and returning to work in another month. My baby has been EBF so far. I am hoping to put my baby in the office crèche and looking to pump for the times I will be away in meetings etc. I still want to continue to breastfeed while I’m at home with the baby and 2 or 3 times during office hours at the crèche. So it’s really only for backup that I’m looking to pump (yet I guess I’ll have to do it everyday for at least 1 or 2 feeds coz I never know when will be a busy day at work). We have started solids recently but I really wish to breastfeed in a truly baby led weaning way (as long as my baby wants, and not replace with solids). I am looking to pump at office also if needed, so something portable and handy. Please suggest if a wearable pump will be a good idea. Suggest brands please.

After seeing some disturbing visuals of CapGemini Daycare child abuse I couldn’t sleep last night

My company has day care facility at office too which I thought was a huge advantage. Turns out it’s not

I wanted to have a discussion with my husband on this topic but he was too tired after work and fell asleep without listening to me

I don’t think i would have guts to put my child in a daycare now after this . Don’t know what’s going to happen in the future

Also I’ve noticed that the financial gap between poor and rich is only widening and this is frustrating the poor people more and more and they take their frustration out on tax paying middle class people wherever possible , be it maids , nannies , delivery boys , cab drivers . Hiring these people have only increased our tensions more than getting relief, God bless all of us working mums .

For context , i have a nearly 10 month old who is on 3 solid meals and a fruit . He is exclusively breast fed.My paediatrician advised 2 to 3 hour gap between milk and solids. However in this approach either milk is skipped or solids are skipped during the day . If the gap is less he tends to eat less solids or vomit a bit . He is growing good on scale and have seemed to not ask for milk during day time. Night time he feeds every 3 to 4 hours. Was wondering is it normal for babies to drop daytime feeds or should i offer even if he doesn’t demand?

We have a nanny to take care of our little one, and while we always have either one of the parent or grandparent at home, I feel incidents can happen in a brief second itself.

Can you please recommend a good camera with memory card? We do have baby monitors but it has live recording. So we would like to completely install cameras and then go through the recording later as well to be completely thorough. If possible, can you share the links?

I’m 2.5m pp, my babies were premature and had latch issues. They were started on top feed at hospital itself. Initially I did struggle a lot with latching and also supply…somewhere around 3-4 weeks they started latching better but my supply remained low. I understand they are twins and that’s why I continued top feed and later changed to alternating between breast feed and formula feed. But babies would be still hungry after breastfeed which resulted in me again giving formula.
Ive noticed leaking of milk when I don’t breast feed for more than 6 hours. And when expressed manually it varies from 60-90 mL on each side. I’ve been thinking of buying a breast pump hoping that it would ? Increase my supply and also for the fact that I’ll be going back to work in a month or two so babies won’t be deprived of breast milk (I know there’s nothing wrong in FF but I just want to breast feed as much as possible?)

Moms who have used breast pumps, please give me realistic insights and do you think I should start pumping? If so, please suggest one that’s not pricey like spectra or momcozy and one that’s wearable.

Thanks in advance Moms!!

I've been told at 31 weeks that my blood flow to the placenta has dropped to 8th percentile from 49th percentile (2 weeks before). Has anyone here gone through the same?

Doctor has suggested Doppler every 3 days and I'm at loss on what to do next...

Are there any support groups or parent groups for this? Or any suggestions would be helpful

I’m looking for suggestions, ideas on how I can include exercise in my life. My LO is one week shy of turning 10 MO. I don’t have a nanny (could be the main reason) but I have my parents for support. Yet I get barely any time in the day to dedicate a considerable duration for exercise!
I am between jobs so any significant time I get, goes into job hunting but that’s also mostly 1-1.5 hrs. Rest of the day just flies away.
How do you guys manage? How do you plan your day so you can have some time for yourself? Pls share some tips.