u/More_Escape747

Any one faced this?

I have been let down and want to know what is the expectation matrix
Basically who disappointed you the most

I live with my husband in Bangalore and During my pregnancy I called my mother and father to my house at month 5 to spend some quality time with us
Without asking me my mother invited my married sister - my sister also didn’t bother to ask me
We live in a small 2 bhk. But I played along
My mother father and sister stayed with us for a month
During this time I felt like I am hosting them. I expected my mother to cook some nice things for me but as there was a cook she stayed in her room chatting with my sister
Whenever I wanted to go out my sister used to have long work calls and my mother used to tell me to dress and wait for her to finish
One day I heard them bitching about
During this time I celebrated both their birthdays - did everything I could to make their day special
But kept hearing from them that they are getting bored

Anyway I had multiple fights with my sister too
But I let go for the sake of my pregnancy

Then my husband threw my baby shower and I literally begged my sister to come but she refused saying that she has to celebrate karwa chauth
The issue was not her not coming but it was her not even calling and telling me that she felt bad for not coming
Apart from this she kept attending shadis of her friends

Throughout pregnancy she didn’t bother to check on me
And mother justified it saying “ Married ppl are very busy”
Then came the time of my delivery
My husband knew that I was very hurt by my sisters behavior and was against her coming and staying at our house again
Firstly because too many ppl during postpartum can affect peace as she would be taking work calls all day , infection issues as it’s a 2 bhk and overll vibe

I called my parents 15 days before delivery and hell broke out when I told my parents that I don’t want my sister here
They totally disregarded my request and called her here and when I didn’t speak to her
They threatened me that they would leave the house and got ready
At this point I was 38 weeks pregnant and working

Despite my request and crying for hours they didn’t budge.

It was a very stressful last few weeks
My in-laws came later but my husband handled them

Then came postpartum
My mother insisted I hire Jappa - so now there was me my husband baby father mother sister and Jappa in the house while I was freshly postpartam
My mother was only interested in playing with the baby
Not even one day in that one month pp when they were there - my mother helped me at night

All they did was sit their room and chit chat
No nutritious meal was prepared for me by my mother
Literally the day I came back from hospital my father tells my mother that why are you tiring yourself in making hot chappatis ( all the other food was made by the cook)

When I questioned my mother she told me that she is not healthy enough to do anything
Anyways my parents left 30 days post partam as they had yo attend a wedding
Then they went only multiple trips while I was struggling

The thing is that I hear how parents help so much in postpartum but here I’m so hurt
Am I alone?
I can’t move on from this
This has ruined the image of my parents in my mind and now I see a pattern that my mother has been emotionally immature and has been creating ruckus before all important milestones of my life.

Kindly do not suggest therapy as I have tried and it doesn’t work for me

Has anyone realised that their parents are not what you thought they were during pregnancy and postpartam?

Hi all
I need to know if I am not alone this
For context before my delivery and after my mil and mother made things very difficult for me
My parents fought with me at 38 week because they wanted my sister to live with us in our 2 bhk and I didn’t as she did not check on me as often through pregnancy and missed my baby shower dispite me literally begging her to come!
I had called my parents at 5th month of pregnancy and my sister visited uninvited and stayed for month - during this time she worked from home and destroy my peace whenever I wanted to sleep and used to get annoyed if I didn’t serve her food on time 😅very funny expectation from a pregnant lady
She fought me at multiple occasions and my parents took her side
I also overheard them talking about me behind my back in my own house- and very mean stuff like that” how will we know how to treat a pregnant lady”

So at 38 weeks I made if very clear to my mother that I don’t want any one but you to visit and help as I don’t need a crowd when I am healing and my father and sister don’t particularly help with anything
She insisted that my father has to come and I gave in
It was my first baby I was terrified that how will I manage so after all the drama at 5th month
I was very sceptical to call them but my mother kept insisting as “relatives were questioning why even at 38 weeks she is not with me helping me”
They came and I told me mother not to call my sister
She called her anyway and said we are family
I was so annoyed that I didn’t speak to her when she came and my mother made such a big deal about it for almost till I delivered
All three of them used to sit in there room and chit chat while I struggled in postpartam
The three of them even planned a trip to Mysore as they were bored and were sick of sitting at home.
My mother didn’t bother to make any nutritious food for me as the cook was there apparently
I couldn’t wait for them to leave me alone.

Whenever a relative called my mother kept saying @ oh with baby there is so much work” eventhough there was a cook cleaning person and a nanny( which my mother insisted I hire)
When I confronted her she said that her health doesn’t allow her to take care of me or the baby

But after they left ( 20 days postpartam) they visited a family wedding in a different state the. Went on a trip to Vietnam when I was struggling at 2 month pp

Basically I want to know if anyone has had expectations which were not met and your relationship with your parents completely changed?

Anyone regretted calling their own mother postpartam for help?

Hi
I have some major resentments towards my mother and need advice or want to know if I am alone in this!

I’m a mom to a 8 month old FTM.
I live with my husband separately in Bangalore
In-laws and parents live in other city.
I have been out doing my own thing since 15 years and have not stayed at my parents home since I left for college.
I have had a fairly good relationship with my mother up until the below happened .

My parents came to live with me 15 days before my delivery to “help” which I thought would be very essential as my husband is wfo 5 days but unfortunately we had many disagreement’s and fights- the fights were majorly on the topic around having my sister stay in this 2 bhk along with me my husband my father and mother - I was against over crowding as the baby would get infected- but my mother wanted “togetherness “
There was another reason why I didn’t want my sister to stay with me is that she never bothered to check on me through pregnancy , skipped my godhbharai and was rude to me throughout. My mothers point was “how will it look if she lives in the hotel”

My mother along with my father stayed for a month postpartum and insisted that I hire help for baby. Basically she wanted to be a “supervisor” and was more interested in visiting Mysore, shopping and saying that they are getting bored and don’t get to go anywhere. I had heard that moms make nutritious meals for daughters but in my case as I had a cook my mother didn’t bother to go to the kitchen! Amidst all this my sister had also visited and my mother was annoyed that why am I not inviting her for dinner etc
At one point there my father my mother the 24hr nanny and my husband in the house but no one woke up when the baby cried not even my mother - which was the primary reason for her to be here.
So basically there was chaos and crowd but absolutely no help when I needed it!
After those tough night - When I used to get up in the morning and wanted to have breakfast in peace - I used to get my mother father and the nanny chit chatting away and giving me gyan on “eating healthy”
I literally used to go to the kitchen and serve my own food which the my cook had made in the morning.
Basically I had heard so much about mom’s taking care of daughters but my mother was only here to play with the baby
One day I put the baby to sleep somehow - 5 days postpartum and despite me saying that he is asleep - my mother insisted I get him for her to play with him
On top of this whenever a relative called she used to brag that she did this she did that and that with a small baby it’s so difficult to manage everything 😅

The one month was very taxing for me emotionally.
I keep replaying this in my head and I don’t feel like talking to my mother anymore!
She has let me down

At the end of it when I confronted her she said that we are getting old and can’t help much my health doesn’t allow and that she did her “duty” by staying for one month
I tried to understand that!
Buts then - when they left my home on 26th Jan a -just the next month they attended a wedding and then went to Singapore.
Everyone has the right to enjoy but
It’s hurtful because my mother was enjoying international trip when I was struggling 2 and 4 month postpartum and the reason for her to not being able to help me was “health”

This has totally ruined the image of my mother in my mind
When I spoke about this on the group chat my father my mother and my sister ganged up on my saying that I am keeping “unrealistic expectations”
And over reacting!