Failed my 4th Year and have to repeat it.
I have just found out that I failed my 4th year, while I am incredibly upset about it. I just really want to offload and dump everything thats being going on somewhere without having to look at someones face. I feel so many different things even if it's not my first time failing. I feel like I am being punished for something I have done in my life, also feeling like I am completely useless and just a fraud who somehow got lucky for the past 5 years (I am in 4th year, but a direct entry student, its weird) and constantly reinforced by my tutors who keep saying that I am up to scratch with my knowledge I been doing this degree. In 3rd year, I joined the current university I am at and felt completely isolated, it felt like I couldn't engage with anyone or make any friends because it feels like I can't connect with people or even hold a conversation about anything for the fear of being judged. I signed up to my GP and admitted to having suicidal thoughts and feeling psychotic over this at my signup checkup with one of the nurses who then sent me to the GP and who then sent me for an emergency psych appointment because they thought I was having an psychotic event and was a danger to myself. They came to the conclusion that its depression with psychotic symptoms but I believe they put it on record that is a major depressive episode and told the GP to prescribe me medication and refer to talking therapies. The GP also said that the psychiatrist recommended an autism referral which he didn't mention but the waiting list for that was 3 years lol. I just generally found the talking therapies unhelpful, I just couldn't engage with them for some reason, maybe I am just really unwilling to change for some reason. The medication had no noticeable benefit and I just stopped taking it which I maybe shouldn't have done. I passed 3rd year, and then I failed my first 4th year exam, I just felt even more suicidal, this time, my student support felt like I was a danger to myself and sent me to A&E, and after being seen there by the mental health nurse, she just recommended talking therapies even when I told her that I just find them unhelpful. She also booked me an appointment with the pharmacist to discuss my right to choice regarding my autism referral. There is just too much to talk about and rant. I just can't even organise my thoughts anymore.