My (F26) 9-year-old boy cousin came to stay with us in our city during his school break. He’s such a polite and shy little boy. Spending time with him and seeing the world through a child’s eyes again has been so heartwarming.

​One night, after I tucked him into bed, we started talking about the books he’s been reading. He mentioned how much he loves The Little Prince and pointed out a line from it—how adults seem to completely forget what it was like to be a child.

​That hit home for me because I used to think about the exact same thing when I was younger. I could never make sense of why adults struggled so much to understand kids. My childhood logic was simple: I’ve never been an adult, but they used to be children, so why don't they get it?

​When I told him I completely agreed with him, he looked at me and said, "Well, you haven't forgotten how to be a child."

​My heart melted right then and there. I’m still thinking about that moment, and honestly, I feel a genuine sense of pride knowing I haven't lost touch with that part of myself.

Hello my loves! Just warning you in advance: this is going to be a LONG one. But if you’re like Queen Charlotte herself and you like them long, you like them chunky… grab a snack and settle in because I have been emotionally haunted by this friendship for THREE YEARS.

I'll try to include all the details I remember because I feel like I am missing something and someone might point it out 😕

I (26F) had a friend, let’s call her Zelda (26F), who has basically been ghosting me for the last three years, and I still can’t fully let it go.

We first met in middle school as part of the same large friend group. We liked each other and got along well, but we drifted apart in high school and completely lost contact.

Years later, when we were both 19, we randomly reconnected at a mutual friend’s birthday party. A few days later, Zelda, our mutual friend Hayley, and I met up at a café. Right before leaving, Zelda asked me about some difficult things she had heard I was going through and asked how I was doing.

That question caught me off guard because nobody had sincerely asked me that in a long time. I started crying while talking about it, and Zelda cried with me. She told me she wanted us to see each other more often, and we actually did. During one of the worst periods of my life, we rebuilt our friendship. For the next five years, we stayed in touch consistently and met up at least a few times every year.

She did make a few mistakes during that time. For example, she shared some private things I had told her, which then spread further through other people. But I never held it against her. Partly because I genuinely cared about her, and partly because I felt grateful for how supportive she had been during my difficult period.

Also at one point when I was struggling financially, she also lent me a small amount of money (around $100), and when I tried to pay her back, she refused to take it.

Now to the more recent part.

About 3.5 years ago, after dating someone for only three months, Zelda got engaged. I come from a fairly conservative culture (not the entire country necessarily, but the region we live in is heavily religious and conservative. The closest comparison I can think of for Americans would probably be an Islamic version of the Bible Belt 😂) and since she’s very integrated into that lifestyle, this wasn’t considered unusual. She invited me to the family introduction event, but I couldn’t attend. I did attend the engagement celebration with my boyfriend, though.

I’m interested in makeup, so for this engagement party (around 100 guests), I actually did Zelda’s bridal makeup myself. We even practiced at my house beforehand.

At the event, I met her fiancé. I never said this out loud, but I found him cold and rude. At the time, I assumed it was because he was conservative and kept a certain distance from women socially or maybe he was prejudiced against me because my appearance/personality didn’t exactly fit conservative expectations.

Later came the henna night (a traditional pre-wedding celebration). I should mention that I absolutely hate loud, crowded social environments because of my social anxiety. I’ve never been to clubs, I usually skip concerts, live musical events etc. But because she was my friend, I attended with my sister. I stayed for two or three hours, let Zelda know I was leaving, and left relatively early.

A few days before the wedding, she called and asked if I wanted to join the wedding photoshoot because one of her friends might cancel. I honestly told her I wasn’t feeling up to it. I know myself, and when I’m not mentally prepared, being thrown into a group full of strangers can become really overwhelming for me.

Then came the wedding itself.

This part is important: because I had known Zelda since middle school, I didn’t really fit into any of her newer friend groups at the wedding, and there wasn’t assigned seating.

Also as far as I understand both Zelda’s father and the groom’s father are active in local politics, so the entire wedding was full of middle-aged men and boomers in suits. The bride and groom probably only knew like 10% of the guests themselves. There was no alcohol or music obviously. At one point, an ex-member of parliament even gave a speech. Honestly, it felt more like a political gathering than a wedding.

I spent most of the wedding awkwardly wandering around or sitting alone in corners. At one point I was basically mentally counting down how long I needed to stay before it would be considered rude to quietly disappear. I know I am the asshole but you need to know that I can not even go to the malls on busy days.

Then came the gift ceremony. In our culture, guests usually give gold or money to the bride and groom publicly. The problem was: I had absolutely no money at the time. I was still a student and struggling financially, so I came empty-handed.

Before the wedding, I had handmade and embroidered a decorative pillow with Zelda’s name on it as a personal gift, but during the ceremony itself, everyone else publicly gave jewelry or money while offering congratulations. I just congratulated her verbally and felt deeply embarrassed.

I remember silently promising myself that someday, when I was financially stable, I would buy her a proper wedding gift.

Three months later, on Zelda’s birthday, we had our last real conversation.

I got her address from a mutual acquaintance and sent flowers to her house. That evening she called me, we talked for a long time, and because she was now married and seemingly slightly more open-minded than before, I decided to be honest about parts of my own relationship. Specifically, I talked about having a sexual relationship before marriage, which is pretty taboo in our culture.

She didn’t judge me at all during the conversation. Everything seemed warm and normal.

But after that, something changed completely.

She slowly stopped replying to my messages, or only gave short, cold responses. Once I found out she had visited my city without even telling me. I asked if something was wrong between us, and she said “no” and nothing else. After that, the distancing continued until I realized I was basically being ghosted.

Now it’s been three years.

Maybe I should have let this go already. But this month, for the first time in my life, I finally started earning enough money that I could actually afford the gold gift I once promised myself I would give her. And suddenly all these feelings resurfaced.

What makes this so difficult is that I still don’t understand WHY she cut me off.

Part of me wonders if she was secretly offended that I left her henna night and wedding relatively early, even though I attended both despite my social anxiety.

Another part of me wonders if not giving money/gold at the wedding was considered deeply disrespectful, even though she knew I was a broke student and she herself had already been financially independent for years.

And then there’s the possibility that I’m overthinking everything and becoming obsessive about finding meaning where there isn’t any.

But I also can’t ignore this possibility: maybe after our final conversation, she reconsidered things or discussed me with her husband and decided I wasn’t someone they wanted in their lives because of cultural or moral differences. I genuinely think her husband disliked me from the beginning.

The friends I’ve talked to about this all tell me the same thing: “Forget her. Stop romanticizing the friendship. Don’t spend money on someone who ghosted you.”

But I’m not someone who can easily erase people without closure. Being silently cut off after years of friendship genuinely hurts.

So… am I that naive for still caring about this after three years and wanting some kind of explanation or closure? Has anyone here ever gone through something similar? What would you do in my situation?