How not to feel angry/hurt/sad and where to go from here?
My husband set a couple of boundaries with MIL for the first time. She reacted poorly. A week later they had a conversation - MIL was calm and mostly worried about her relationship with our children without caring to reconcile with my husband (she said some very hurtful things to him initially but seemed to have no memory of that and took no responsibility).
During the emotionally charged conversation she said ‘my family is you (husband), child 1 and child 2.’ Ouch. I wasn’t on the list. I always felt this from her, like I was never accepted or included. But I tried to give the benefit of the doubt, didn’t react to passive aggressive comments and so on. Without going too deep into specifics I think this has made me finally just face the truth. It’s not worth my energy to continue to try so hard, it’s just not going to happen. She has a lot of narcissistic traits and is definitely emotionally immature - my husband has a lot of healing to do at the moment as he’s just only realised all this and the negative effects it’s had on him.
I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m sad. She just want access on her terms to our kids and every visit exhausts me and I get such anxiety in the lead up. They live interstate so when they visit (usually monthly) they have to stay at our place. They can’t afford a hotel.
I don’t know how to process this and still facilitate a relationship with the kids - they aren’t terrible people so I don’t think cutting them off is the way. The kids enjoy their relationship with them… any advice or similar situations?