u/MamaSmAsh5

I had this hysterectomy scheduled since earlier this year and I’ve been looking forward to it yet, nervous because I’ve had bad surgery experiences. Having my husband by my side and there for support gave me comfort. Then he passed unexpectedly a month ago. I’m almost positive I will have to be opened up and possibly a hospital stay due to bowel involvement. It was scary for me to think about when he was alive and now I’m on the verge of tears just writing this. I’m now terrified. How will I manage my 4 (of our 5) kids who will be in school? How do I do this if I’m in the hospital? Idk, I want to do it because I’m so hopeful for relief but it is now something I’m afraid of doing alone…god. I don’t want to do it alone…

and no way could I have been prepared for how odd that felt. Now he sits, in a box, until we sort it all out so our kids can get their customized pieces they want. I just sit here glancing at this box that contains the man I was with for 20 years, made 5 babies with, had a life with. This really is not the grief I expected to show up.

I feel like I’ve made myself completely numb, trying to just pretend and idk, forget. It’s too hard to keep up with all the life stuff with our 5 kids that’s happening (all important and happy moments we should be celebrating together) trying to be happy if I let myself even think about him. It doesn’t feel right. I hurt so much thinking that I’m betraying him by not being emotionally wrecked right now. I just hate this. I hate how it all feels. I hate that we had so much happening we were looking forward to and now he’s just gone and these things will still happen, without him now.

Because what I just read, it's uncanny how true it feels for my life, but I want to know more. Anyone interested? I'm new to numerology, but blown away by it

how has it already been two weeks since I woke up to him already gone? I graduated today, and I hated it. I hated being there. I hated feeling happy. I hated that he wasn't in the crowd cheering for me after all this time supporting me. I hate how I have to keep going and feel like I have to hide my tears from my little ones because they worry about me when they see me cry. Our oldest graduates from high school in about 3 weeks, and I hate that she will probably feel some of these feelings I felt today. I hate how I have to just not think about him, so I don't just fall apart. I need space, I need silence, I need to be alone.

My husband just passed away, and my 3 teenage daughters and I would like to get his fingerprint tattooed. It would be black greyscale or whatever and small, but I want it to look amazing. Any recommendations? I'm in Hammond, but we can travel some.