r/Widow

I have been a widow for a year and a half. My husband missed being 58 and a half by one day. I just became 58 and a half this past week. I am now officially older than my husband ever got to be. Somehow, this mathematical fact hurts worse than passing two of our wedding anniversaries without him. I think about him every day, and I miss him every day, but I finally had reached a point where I wasn't crying every day. But this week has just hurt so much. A year and a half ago, my world was turned upside down and shaken.

At first, I just wanted to die, too. I couldn't have me killing myself be part of his legacy. I've spent my time since that realization trying to grab back the pieces of my life. I' ve tried to figure out who I am without him. He was a year and half older than me and now I will always be older than him. I guess it just reminds me that I'm always going to be without him now.

On July 11, it will be his third death anniversary.
Three years have passed, yet I still miss him every single day. I’m 39 now, and I truly want to move forward, but I feel stuck. It’s as if time has moved on, but a part of me hasn’t.
I’ve been procrastinating in almost every area of my life, and some days it feels difficult to find the motivation to take the next step.
I’m sharing this not for sympathy, but because I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. If you’ve found a way to cope, heal, or slowly move forward while still holding on to the memories of someone you loved, I’d be grateful to hear your thoughts.

I posted the other day about rehoming my XXXXL dog and my two cats. I have one amazing 7 month old dog. I’m moving back to my home town to be with my parents and my 13 month old daughter…

Am I actually insane that I want another dog??? Dogs are my security blanket so I understand the response that I am having due to all the change. I know I am capable but EVERYONE is telling me not to…

Maybe it helps me feel secure and in control of my life when everything else feels insecure…or at least against my will.

I feel so stable otherwise.

And I want another one…a little lap dog.

Uhhh….i may have made a deposit on a dog…

I lost my husband in April. I just finished the book Widowed as F### by Rosie Moss. It was a fantastic book and I highly recommend it when/if you’re ready to read a book written by a widow. She is spot on with grief and shares her own first hand account as well as stories from other widows. There are chapters on widows fire and helping children through the loss of a parent. She has a podcast too but I haven’t listened to that yet.

I had a dream about him last night… It wasn’t anything shocking or odd, it was just us together and happy. And when I woke up, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep for as long as I possibly could to get back to that feeling.

I don’t dream about him as often as I would like… But that doesn’t stop me from trying and sleeping probably way too much … but it’s as close as I can get.

It’s been 10 years since my husband passed away from cancer. He was my high school sweetheart, my best friend, moved countries together, & built a happy home. He was 37 & I was 35 when he passed. I met my current partner about 3 years ago. He is a wonderful man- kind, caring, gorgeous and we love each other. But, I have this nagging feeling that he would never know me the way my late husband did.

Our 18 year old son is a spitting image of his father. My heart aches every time I look at my beautiful child.

Yesterday, someone asked me what was the best ordinary day of my life so far. I immediately thought about a random Sunday in 2015. I woke up to the smell of coffee and snow outside. We have newly moved into this amazing apartment with lots of windows, and when walked into the living room, my husband and our then 7 year old son was on the couch leaning against each other and reading New York Times. I remember thinking in that moment, how lucky I am. Few months later my husband was diagnosed with cancer and he was gone by the next year.

If you have found a new partner after your loss, how much do you share? Do they ever get to know you fully?

Any life experiences or advice or something to console your heart any different approach towards life when its completely upside down and changed and hopeless and empty without that person!

I lost my husband to cancer 8 months ago. 5 months from diagnosis to death. Today is his 48th birthday. Happy Birthday, Johnnie!

I'm missing my husband more everyday but In different ways I miss his touch and then I remember I won't see or feel him touch me again,I won't ever feel how safe I felt in his strong arms, God I miss him holding my hand, everywhere we would go, to the store, in my car, Byron would always hold my hand and then at the end of the evening he would say a prayer and would always grab hold of my hand every time, made me feel so secure in life in our marriage, I just wanted to say I'm missing you Byron, I wanted someone to know I'm missing my husband my best friend tonight, hold everyone you love close, always check on them, if they need someone to talk to be that person even though it may not be your thing to be a listener try just for a few minutes if that's all you have it might be all they need today.

My husband passed from brain cancer 2 and a half years ago and since then I have had 4 different jobs. Before this I had spent 5+ years at my jobs. My husband was diagnosed at 22 with brain cancer and fought for 10 years. I was the sole income, he stayed home with the kids. Seizures prevented him from working or driving. I even worked full time while he was at home on hospice. The jobs I have had since his passing have said I don't seem present and I don't seem to want to be there. Of course I don't want to be at work! I want to be home with my kids, i don't want them coming home from school to an empty house while I work. I've also been today I am "resistant" to people getting know me. I am by nature a quiet person and I don't socialize well. I take awhile to warm up but I do my job when I'm at work and I do it well. This most recent job fired me because they felt I am not a good "fit" for their team. I don't know where I fit in anymore. I don't want to have to tell everyone my life story if I don't want to. I don't want to be the cancer patients wife, I don't want to be the office widow. While that is part of my past it's nobodies business. I am trying to move forward and show my kids that we can still find happiness.

I wish I could be a stay at home mom but I am not in a position where that is possible. Applying for jobs brings me anxiety about having to act social and letting people into my life in anyway. I'm afraid I will never fot anywhere and I'll keep getting brushed off as a unengaged employee.

I just need to b*tch! My husband died 6 months ago tomorrow. I want & need to put my house up for sale.

My husband was the person every one went to for help. Yet here I am.... I had a whole list of people who were supposed to come help me yesterday and today. But its 730 at night not one person showed. I have cooked lunch & dinner for me and my neighbor her husband is on hospice.

I have put the door frame in. (Had to utube it)

Cleaned out 2 bedrooms. Painted a floor. Cleaned my patio. Lawn mower won't start. Cut trim for my bathroom. Still no help. My sister law barely sent me a text asking how I am. I'm like its been 2 weeks. Everyone knows my house goes on the market july 1st.

I am beyond pissed. Why do I need to ask 3,4 10 when my husband was over there immediately

It’s been 9 months without my husband. I thought I could do it—raise our baby daughter, our dogs, our cats, keep our property. All in the place we call home…which isn’t my hometown. It isn’t where my family is.

And here I am now. My beloved dog and cats need to be placed in homes where they can be properly cared for because I can barely properly care for myself.

I’m moving back home but I haven’t told anyone yet. My family will be overjoyed to help me.

It just hurts so much to go through the never ending grief after he died. Our precious cats. My sweet dog he got me…I can’t keep him because of lifestyle reasons.

It just hurts.

I want to talk myself into keeping them but I know better. I’ve thought of every scenario.

It's been 18 months since my husband of 50 years died. I've been doing pretty good but for some reason today I am just so sad. Sitting here crying and remembering. I think it is so hard for me because he had Lewy Body Dementia, I took care of him by myself, so he really was gone way before he died. I sat with him as he died, I bathed him and combed his hair, I dressed him, I helped get him on the gurney, I watched as they took him away. That was a part of my future being taken away and sometimes I feel so lost. We did everything together and now I hardly do anything. We traveled a lot and I tried taking a trip by myself but I cut it short because I was so lonely. I know I will move past all of this but I'm really feeling the loss right now.

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Thank you all for your kind comments. We are all on the same sad journey and I really appreciate having a place to express my feelings when I am feeling overwhelmed. I know we will all find some peace, at some point, in the meantime I am grateful for all of you taking the time to read my post and responding with such kindness.

Today has been almost more than I can handle. I’m fearful of calling anyone (no one is even in the same state) because I know they look at caller id and think oh no it’s the crying again so here I am connecting with others who understand.

All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. Which is exactly what I do except to care for Michael’s cats. He is such a sucker for any stray that found him.

Jedes mal, wenn eine neue Karte im Briefkasten liegt oder irgendwer reserviert "mein Beileid" sagt möchte ich am liebsten schreien. Ich weiß man macht das so, aber jedes mal denke ich dass sie mich einfach in Ruhe lassen sollen. Ich möchte keine Karten bekommen, das drängt mich jedes mal wieder in die realität rein, in der ich gerade nicht leben will.

Wie geht es euch damit?

Fühlt ihr das auch so?

I (33F) lost my husband this past March and y'all, the widow's fire has been real. I just met a guy (31M) through friends and I've been insatiable all weekend. We're freakishly compatible in bed, and he's super understanding of my situation and that I'm just looking for companionship. I feel like I'm living this weird double life now where I'm still very much in love with my husband - all the photos are still up around my house, I'm going on vacations with his family, and I'm planning on getting pregnant with his baby this fall, but I'm also totally blushing over this new guy and can't stop thinking about him. Honestly, I feel like I'm holding all of this really well and maybe I just need affirmation that this can all exist at the same time?