u/honestly_oopsiedaisy

My ex passed away, and long story short, we never stopped loving each other, and days before he passed, I had found out he was going to call me soon. We never got to speak again before he died.

I've had a couple of good weeks recently, but that's because my brain just shuts it out. It doesn't let me feel anything about him sometimes. Sometimes there's just anger and doubt. This week is harder, which I guess is why I'm shouting into the void. I hate when people talk about him using the past tense, even though I have to do it too. I am angry with everyone. I'm angry at him for dying before we could be together again and for taking that away from me, as irrational as that may be.

I hate when people acknowledge that he is not coming back. It feels like betrayal. I know he's in a better place, whatever that may look like, but what about those of us left behind? I'm so tired.

I’ve been reading a lot about the afterlife the last two months after the loml passed. A lot of mediums and people who research NDEs say that in the afterlife, souls are interconnected beings of life.

Sorry, but I hate that. I want to see my ex again. After all, we were days away from getting back together and ready to make it work, that it is brutally unfair that I wouldn’t be able to actually see and be with him again even after I die.

I know there’s no point stressing about it but I’m angry. I want to see him, hold him, talk to him while we’re sitting in the park or on a drive. I want this life, but better. I want to have sex with him again. I want him to be him and me to be me.

I‘m not religious in the least, but I have become somewhat spiritual. Has anyone found answers? I’m not ready or able to process not seeing him again in the way I want to.

I posted nearly 2 months ago here after my ex passed away and everyone was very kind. Basically: a week before his death, after a year of being broken up, I found out he wanted to be with me again. I never stopped loving him. In fact, I never loved anyone the way I love him. I genuinely think we could have made it this time. Our relationship had been healthy, but we each had our problems, and the time apart was good for us to grow. We were ready.

Well, he died, so I don’t actually get to find out if it would have worked out not. And for the past two months, off and on, I’ve been an absolute wreck. I’ve screamed, I’ve sobbed, I’ve been unable to sleep. But then last week I stopped crying, and now I’m worried. I still think about him often, but I don’t feel that sad anymore. Maybe my brain decided to treat it like it’s not real, I don’t know. I haven’t even. written to him in a week. But I‘m stressed. What if one day I forget what he means to me? What if I don’t feel devastated again about it? I want to feel, I’m not ready for it to be over. Why do I feel almost normal?

Can anyone recommend me books about what happens after we die, please?

I saw Journey of Souls recommended, but the idea of reincarnation terrifies me, so I would like to avoid things that talk about that. I have been lucky to have been born into a time and place where I don’t have to worry too much about money, have not had a physically hard life, and have not been abused. And yet life is hard and painful. I dread to think about coming back in any life, but especially because it’s likely that life will be worse than this one. So many kids are abused, horrible things happen to women, and I’d rather there be nothing than reincarnation.

My ex passed away recently, and I’ve been an atheist for quite some time, but I’m trying to find proof that he’s out there still.

My ex partner died. A week or two before he did, I found out from a mutual friend that he regretted leaving me. I was shocked. It had been a year since we’d broken up, and I’d treated it as final. But I still love him, so I was willing to hear him out. I was just waiting for him to call.

And now he’s gone. And I feel cheated. And I have had friends say they had secretly thought that we were going to get married one day. And many people don’t understand my grief because I am an ex, and people don’t look kindly on on/off relationships. But relationships and people can be so, so complicated. And I know so many people in the world have things so much worse than I do, but I can’t help feeling that this is absurdly cruel. Other people have found their partners, and I have lost mine right when things were going to finally work. And I miss him. More than I have words to explain, I miss him.

edit - periods got erased somehow, fixed that

Every day, I see posts across Reddit and other social media that talks about things “quietly disappearing.” I feel like I’m seeing the same posts every few hours. Are we reaching dead internet soon where it’s all just posts by bots? Or are people relying that heavily on AI? Or both? What’s something that disappeared with a crash?

The love of my life died, and I don’t think people understand because we had broken up a year ago (nothing wrong happened). But a few days before he died, I had found out through a friend that he wanted to be with me again, and I had never gotten over him and had grown a lot over the year, so I was willing, I was just waiting for him to reach out. And then he died. And then I found out just how much he talked about me, and how just a couple days before he died, he said to a friend how he was ready to be his best for me. We were so close.

I feel like people don’t understand, because they think if you break up, there are irreparable problems and it could never work, but that wasn’t the case. The breakup was good for both of us to gain perspective. I really think it could have worked. And now he’s gone and I feel very alone and tired, and I explain it all to my friends over and over again, but it doesn’t matter because he is still gone, and I’ll never actually know if it would have worked out or not. And some days I really feel insane.

Reposting with names removed

I have been curious about seeing a medium after a recent loss. I am generally not into any of this type of stuff, and until the loss, mostly dismissed it.

I’ve been looking into it a lot, and saw many people here/online say that people often need rest soon after their passing. Some mediums see images of this with other spirits guarding them in a sense.

However, I saw one medium‘s website, said that spirits don’t need rest right after and can be reached immediately after death. And that she has never had a reading where the desired person did not show up. I saw online many people consider this medium to be the real deal.

So which is true? I’ve been very confused about it all.

I keep seeing conflicting opinions about the afterlife in this subreddit. Which is fair, considering we can’t know concretely what there is. But I’m getting a little stressed and frustrated, especially since my ex has passed away and we were very close to getting together again. Mostly, I’m worried about two points right now.

1. Reincarnation

I don’t ever want to be reincarnated to a life like this. That idea terrifies me. But many seem convinced that we will be reincarnated.

How do our bodies look like us in the afterlife if we just keep reincarnating? Also, how do we get to spend time with people in the afterlife if everyone keeps reincarnating?

If we don’t reincarnate, and energy doesn’t get created nor destroyed, where do all the souls come from?

2. Partnership in the afterlife.

Obviously, my ex and I were not married. But we never stopped loving each other. The only thing getting me through is the idea that I’ll be with him in the afterlife, with everything relationships include here. Lots of people say that sex is a thing in the afterlife, but lots say that it’s not because it’s for procreation. Sex is an intimate form of connection and frankly, one of the best parts of being alive. I hate the idea that we won’t have it after death.

Also, I am young. What if I do get married in the future? Who will I be with after I die? What if my late loml doesn’t want to be with me when that time comes? What if he meets his soulmate up there? I know I should want that for him, but instead I feel anger that our life was taken away from me.

3. Hell

I keep seeing hell doesn’t exist, but what about for truly bad people? They get to live in happiness just like everyone else?

I have not been religious in a long time and believed after death there was nothing, but grief has changed me. While I’m not religious, I do hope to see my loved ones again. I don’t know how to live anymore without that hope.

I lost the love of my life a few weeks ago. We had been together for 3 years in the past. Only a couple weeks before he died, I found out from a mutual friend that he was realizing that I was the one for him. And of course I still love him. A childhood friend said she’s never seen me love anyone the way I have always loved him. But he died before we could do anything about it.

I had been so happy this year and now I feel lost and hollow. It’s such a sick joke that we were so close to being together again and he was ripped away from me. Every day since I had found out he still loves me, I was was waiting for a call from him. And then he died and I really don’t understand it and every day feels like hell and part of me feels dead too

(edit also I know breakups get a bad rep, but we always took very good care of each other and the breakup was amicable, we both grew a lot after)

This isn't a traditional story. He and I were together on and off for 3 years due to a few reasons. Our relationship was complicated to say the least, but it was still full of love and care. Every time we got back together was better than the last. We lived together and were happy. We broke up for good when he moved.

When we broke up last summer, I treated it as final. I grew and became more confident, healthy, and happy. He moved on with someone new. I stayed single.

Just a couple of weeks ago, his friend told me that my ex was stuck in a bad relationship that he was trying to find a way out of. That he regretted how he handled moving, and that he wished he were still with me. It threw me into shock. I agonized over whether to try again with him. I finally decided that if he called, I would hear him out, but he would need to put in a lot of effort for me to consider it. But I knew if he was coming back, that meant he was ready to go all in. I wanted him to spend some time alone between being with her and being with me. I was just waiting for the breakup, and for him to call so we could talk about what needed to happen for this to work, really work this time. I realized that I still loved him.

Instead, I got a call from his mom. There had been an accident. He had died.

Even his mother told me that he was going to call me soon. That I was his person. His best friend said he was realizing that I was the one for him, but that he was afraid to call me, afraid that I would be angry and say no. She thought we were going to get married. We were so close to getting back in touch. And I know people don't think fondly of those on/off relationships, but I swear, this was different. My cousin said she has never seen me love anyone the way I love him.

We were so close to our new future together. Instead, I am an ex. He is gone. I thought we had time. I can't breathe, I can't think about anything else. I am full of rage at him and at everyone. I sometimes look at my phone to see if he has texted. I look at the funeral preparations and feel sick that we are all just accepting that he's gone. He is gone. He loved me, and I love him, and we were just about to make it right, and he is gone, and I can't wake up from this nightmare.