How do you all date? I haven’t seen anyone since the guy who gave me GHSV2 over two years ago.
I don’t know the success rate and I’m honestly to scared to find out myself (25F FYI)
FWB from 3 years ago resurfaced — does this conversation sound like genuine interest, nostalgia, or just wanting sex? (This is long)
I need some outside perspective because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m reading this conversation objectively anymore 😭
For context: I had an FWB situation with this guy (“H”) around 3 years ago. It ended because I told him I wanted something more serious, and eventually I dated someone else. During that relationship, I contracted genital herpes.
About a year later, H contacted me again. I told him I had herpes and asked if that was something he would be okay with. He didn’t respond, so I basically decided I didn’t want to deal with the situation and stopped engaging with him whenever he contacted me/viewed my stories.
Recently, he started viewing/stalking me from another account. I asked who it was, and he eventually admitted it was him. This is basically how the conversation went. I’m translating the Korean naturally rather than literally:
H: “How have you been?”
We caught up about work, where I live, etc. Eventually he said:
H: “It would be nice if we could meet sometimes.”
I said I was scared.
H: “Why?”
Me: “Because I don’t want you to get hurt.”
He figured out I meant herpes.
H: “You still have it?”
Me: “Yeah. It’s a virus that stays with you.”
I explained that it can be managed and transmission risk can be reduced with condoms/safe sex, but nothing is 100%. I also told him that I’ve met other people with herpes who are dating happily, but I’m still scared because of the stigma.
He asked if I was scared that he might get infected.
I said yes, and then I started doing something I realize now might have been me sabotaging myself:
Me: “You’re scared too, right? You’re not even my boyfriend. What if it’s forever? What about your future girlfriend? What about marriage?”
He said, essentially, “Yeah, I guess that’s true,” and asked if it could be cured.
I explained that it can’t be cured, although it can be treated/managed.
I also told him that the worst part for me isn’t actually the infection because I don’t have symptoms and sometimes completely forget about it. It’s the stigma and the fear of dating. I told him I haven’t dated in over two years partly because of this and that I had gotten pretty depressed during those years.
Then the conversation got much more emotional.
We started talking about the last time we saw each other, which was around August/September 2023.
H: “I still think about it sometimes.”
I asked if he still thought about me.
H: “Of course.”
He asked if I missed him.
I said yes.
H: “Me too.”
I then told him that sometimes I literally look up the subway route from his area to where I live, even though I don’t actually go.
He laughed.
At one point I said:
Me: “If I tell you these things, it just makes me sad.”
Then he said:
H: “I should be sleeping, but I’m staying up because of you.”
And then:
H: “Let’s talk for five more minutes.”
Eventually I asked him directly:
Me: “You probably can’t meet me, right?”
And he said:
H: “We can meet. It just can’t be immediately. I’m busy these days, and I’ve even lost weight because of how busy I am. Where do you live?”
I told him.
H: “That’s pretty far.”
Then he joked:
H: “You really want to do it, huh?”
I said no and joked that I don’t even know what sex is anymore.
He laughed and then asked:
H: “Is your depression better now?”
I said yes, I’m doing much better.
He said:
H: “That’s good.”
I eventually told him to go to sleep.
H: “Okay, I’ll text you again.”
And that’s where the conversation ended.
Now I’m confused as hell.
Part of me thinks he genuinely still has some feelings/curiosity about me and was actually considering meeting. Another part of me thinks he was just nostalgic and/or horny and that once the herpes situation became real, he started backing away.
I also realize I may have completely fucked myself over during the disclosure. When he said he might be willing to try, instead of just letting him make his own decision, I immediately started telling him why he shouldn’t: future girlfriend, marriage, lifelong infection, etc.
So now I’m wondering whether I essentially convinced him that it wasn’t worth the risk.
I also don’t actually think I’m romantically in love with this guy or anything. I don’t want a relationship with him. But this conversation hit me really hard because he knew me before herpes, and I think a part of me desperately wanted to know whether someone who knew me before could still want me after.
So:
How do you read his behavior?
Was he genuinely interested in meeting? Was it mostly nostalgia/sexual curiosity? Did he seem to be pulling away after the herpes disclosure? And what do you make of “다시 톡할게” (“I’ll text you again”) at the end?
And honestly, please tell me if I’m projecting/reaching here. I need outside eyes because I am emotionally useless at interpreting this right now. 😭