r/HSVpositive

I (F30) haven't been dating in a while, not for any particular reason, I just ditched the dating apps and focused on living my life and letting opportunities and people come to me. I started seeing someone a couple weeks ago and felt like everything was going so well. Our conversations were really stimulating, he was romantic and was really pursuing me.

On the 3rd date while talking generally about sexually compatibility, I disclosed GHSV2. In hindsight, in the anxiety of the moment, I think I focused too much on the negatives, and didn't reiterate how much I feel like I have a normal life with this virus. I did mention that I took suppressive therapy and that my outbreaks are mild and not very often. He said he didn't judge me and we continued our date as usual, but he broke up with over the phone a couple days later. HSV is 99% of the reason why.

It's hard for me to not be disappointed and upset, even though I can understand and empathize why he does not want to sign up for the exposure risk. This is my first time disclosing to a romantic partner, and I'm sad to think that this is only the first of many instances to come my way. But this is the hand I was dealt and I have no choice but to move forward. It just hurts. I'm letting myself cry today.

How do you all date? I haven’t seen anyone since the guy who gave me GHSV2 over two years ago.

I don’t know the success rate and I’m honestly to scared to find out myself (25F FYI)

I want to believe that I’ll meet someone who is genuinely interested in me, and my status won’t run them off. It’s been six years now since my relationship, and 3 since the diagnosis. Perhaps I’m in my feelings, as my ex(giver) got married this weekend.

Finding people that are initially interested is never the problem. It’s the rejection after disclosure. Some people say it’s time, some say it’s proximity. It’s absolutely disheartening, though.

I also understand I can’t make people stay, nor should I want to change anyone’s mind. But I will say this: The reality of finding someone that genuinely sees you as a whole individual is starting to become grim.

I don’t know If this is the right place to post this but I need to get this off my chest,

I’m GHSV1 positive and have been for 3 years, and last night my parter said something that made me feel weird…I’ve only had one outbreak 3 years ago and at the moment I’m very sick and I think I’m having my second outbreak (I’m not 100% sure but I feel burning and tingling so I’m treating it as such) and he wanted to have sex, I explained to him that I don’t feel comfortable doing it as I think I may be having the start of a outbreak, he hugs me and tells me it’s ok, (he knows how anxious I am about accidentally giving it to him), when we were in bed cuddling he said “you know I don’t care if I catch it, I love you no matter what” and started trying to touch me, I sat up and said “it makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to risk it”, he sits up and says “I won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable and I’m sorry”, we lay back down and he says “haha at least if I catch it you can’t leave me, sometimes I hope I catch it”, and it felt like a punch in the gut, I know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but it made me feel awful, he’s never said anything like that before to me, I think he was trying to make me feel better but I don’t know how I should feel about it, how would other feel if your partner said this to you?, I don’t know if I’m over thinking or if what he said was wrong

Hey so i'm on this, and I have like every bad symptoms, brain fog, headaches, random dizziness, depression, fatigue, loss of appetite. But one thing i dont seen anyonoe mention is, other than loss of appetite, I am dealing with food tasting so weird, like unpleasant and different. Its like its affecting my taste buds. Is anyone else having this symptom? It's pretty horrible because in addition to having no real normal excitement to eat, just kinda making yourself do it, foods you like taste so different and unpleasant.

I've been HSV-2 positive for over 15 years, contracted from a sexual assault experience. I (40sF) met my spouse not long after that and disclosed and we moved forward with a relationship, had two kids....the whole thing. So... It's possible and real to do for those who are wanting that.

But 15+ yrs later I'm getting a divorce and have started dating a little. Everyone's advice is go out and enjoy yourself, be sexy etc. okay but.... I can't. I haven't had an outbreak in 10+ years and have started on antivirals daily but... I can't just go pick up dates for an evening etc.

So far I've disclosed to 3 men. 2 were okay with it but they were really just interested in sex anyway...just as a type. Neither were mature people IMO in retrospect. Disclosed to a 3rd guy this weekend after the best first date of my life maybe (butterflies with the first kiss and all) and he took some time to think and then rejected me. He was the first actual non man-child I've gone on a date within 6+ months and of course he's the one who thought HELL NO.

It makes me feel like that's the sane choice. That's the choice I would probably make for me. Why should I expect anyone I actually want to spend time getting to know make a different choice?

I just want to crawl in a hole right now honestly.

Looking for experiences with intraoral herpes outbreaks

Hi everyone. I’m hoping to hear from people who experience herpes outbreaks inside the mouth and/or throat.

I've now had HSV1 for 10 months. During my last two outbreaks I’ve noticed that my throat has also been sore. I can feel some mild pain or tenderness when swallowing, especially when I'm eating.

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this during their outbreaks? Is a sore throat or discomfort when swallowing something normal during an oral outbreak?

I’m already taking daily suppressive treatment, but unfortunately I’m still getting fairly frequent outbreaks.

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences - especially:

Do you get a sore or tender throat during outbreaks- especially when swallowing?

Can you get herpes sores down your throat ?

Has this improved over time as your body has adjusted to the virus?

Have you found anything that helps reduce the frequency or severity of outbreaks despite being on suppressive treatment?

I know everyone’s experience is different. I’d just really like to hear from others who have been through something similar. Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

I told him I’m getting outbreaks more while being on suppressive then when I wasn’t taking nothing but lysine

Doctor: What type of outbreaks are you having? Where at? And do you have any pictures? That is pretty uncommon to have so many outbreaks on suppressive therapy.

Me: It starts this way in my lower back and then it progress to blisters

Doctor: When ever you start to teel the tingling before the blisters erupt, start taking two of the tablets every 12 hours for 1 day and then drop back down to 1 tablet daily.

Me: This in the picture is how it's starts a dry itchy patch to a bump to blisters

But ever since being on valacyclovir I only get a patch and itchy the blisters don't come out anymore
And as before without valacyclovir for it to heal it would take 7-10 days
It would start as a pinch/tingle sensation on that are to then a dry itchy patch to then blisters forming to the blisters being fluid filled to then them drying out on its own and creating a scab

And now I just get a itchy patch that when I double in dose for 3 days it disappears within 3 days

So when I got into Reddit I kind of posted my story on there and someone told me that some people valacyclovir 500 does work only as far as not allowing blisters to form

And for some people when they take 1g they just don't get any symptoms

But I know valacyclovir has really been helping and making a difference

Doctor: Okay. I got you. You can start taking two tablets per day in the morning or spread the dose over the day, taking one tablet twice per day. Just be aware, when taking this medication at this dose for long term
it can cause issues with fighting off certain illnesses.

Me: Ah no I don't want to risk it then I will just stay as you stated before I will only double up when I have a active outbreak

Doctor: I would just say that if you didn't have to go to the 1g daily long term, I wouldn't.

Bro the one thing that kills me about having Herpes is the fucking asymptomatic shedding dude. Like fuck man. You’re telling me even when you’re not having an outbreak, there’s still a chance that you might be passing it?? So you just never know?? You could be contagious at any moment?? Like what the fuck. So I have to use condoms forever?? Or never have unprotected oral again?? Like what? The fact that it can shed without showing any symptoms is like, so fucking cruel. Life is so fucking cruel. Idk where to go from here.

So I (m26) had to do my 3rd disclosure ever. The first two were fine and we continued to have protected sex after this is the first one where someone showed a bit of hesitancy on moving forward nothing too crazy tho. I’d say this one was halfway successful. The girl still likes me and wants a relationship with me but she did say she’s afraid of having sex and eventually trying for kids if she wants them. Currently she has stated that she doesn’t want to have sex and we’re pretty much gonna have to take care of our sexual needs by masturbating, and things that are contactless. This makes me nervous because we’re both attracted to eachother with high sex drives and i feel like she’s going to eventually get frustrated with the fact that our sex ljves is limited to contactless acts. Who knows maybe she’ll eventually feel more comfortable/open to doing stuff with protection or maybe this will be more fun than i imagine.

I really would like to find my person but it’s really hard. I just wanted to know what’s your experiences with dating someone who’s reluctant to having sex with contact. How’d it go were you frustrated were they frustrated. I really like this girl and i want things to work out but honestly im not optimistic and hearing your stories as hypotheticals would help me determine what i COULD experience. Thank you all good luck on your journey 👍🏾✊🏾

the only time i ever had “sex” was when i was raped. he gave me hsv2. not saying anyone deserves hsv, but it’s so frustrating that one encounter (which I didn’t even consent to) has changed my life forever. a few hours ago I had a guy cut me off because he told me he wanted children and just couldn’t get past the fact I had hsv. and I feel so hurt right now and angry. im not mad at him - i understand where he’s coming from completely, I am just a boiling pot of so many emotions right now. kind words, good facts, or even acknowledgment right now would help me so so so much

I just wanted some non judgmental advice about what to do, I was diagnosed with GHSV2 about 2 years ago now. First outbreak was actually horrendous and luckily I’ve not had it so bad since. During the ovulation stage of my cycle I get a flair up so pretty much once a month. It’s manageable, but uncomfortable. My partner is also positive. I wanted to know about suppressive daily medication- what are the requirements for getting prescribed it? Is it effective? Will it potentially stop my partner from flaring up? TIA

Does anyone else get outbreaks on their hands and or fingers?
I work in food service and had to disclose to my work. They now require me to wear gloves at all times.
I follow the rules bc, well, that’s who I am.
However I wonder how common this is? Feeling kind of alone.

I been having out breaks every other week while on valacyclovir daily 500g this barely started since starting valacyclovir 2 months ago before while not taking medication it was maybe every 3-4 months and I been having this virus 5 years

I've been getting a lot of herpes related posts on my feed recently (not surprising) and every time the comments are so fucked. Anyone defending or educating on herpes is met with countless 'keep that to yourself' 'thats nasty' comments, and the notion that STDs (even the treatable ones) are dirty or shameful is insane.

Its so silly, I feel completely normal and have next to no symptoms. If I didn't disclose (which I do) no one would ever have any idea I had this. I genuinely don't think people would care if I went to them and said 'I get cold sores' or 'hey so did you know some people get cold sores genitally?' then they actually wouldn't care, it's just the word 'herpes', but people are SOOO averse to it.

It's making me feel kinda depressed and quite nervous to bring it up even though I don't really care about it. Any advice for not being discouraged about everyones attitudes in comment sections online?

my doctor won’t prescribe me Valtrex because I am asymptomatic. I’ve tried my primary as well as my OB/GYN, and neither will prescribe without an active outbreak that they’ve seen in person. I told them separately that it’s preventative and mention shedding but they say it’s highly unlikely and won’t do it.

Is there anywhere else I can go?

Back in college, I think around 6 years ago, I was diagnosed with HSV1 genitally. I had an outbreak, went to the gynecologist, she did the PCR swab and a blood test with both coming back positive for only HSV1.

After that first outbreak I never had an issue again. From my research it seemed like that was pretty normal since type 1 doesn’t really prefer the genital area.

About 5-6 months ago I got a cold sore on my lip. But not just a cold sore, it was like an “initial” outbreak all over again. I had swollen gums and a fever alongside it. Went to two dentists initially (there were no sores at first so I really thought it was some gum infection), then when the sore showed up I went to a walk in clinic. I told the doctor that I already had HSV1 so I wanted this sore to be swabbed and a blood test to truly see what was going on. Both came back as type 1 again.

Since that initial oral outbreak I’ve had them on my lips about once a month. Actually last month I got it in my throat. Thought it was strep and went to the walk in again where they found sores on my uvula and throat. Took valtrex and all was solved.

I understand that I seem to be someone who needs to take the suppressive dose of valtrex every day. But I remember reading multiple times that you can’t get it in two places at once. If I already had it genitally, how could I have gotten it orally?

Hey y'all new to this community but not to HSV2.

Had it over 10 years now, got it early into dating a man who I ended up being married to for the last decade.

We are now separated and I'm finding myself needing to disclose for the first time in my life!

This weekend I went to a wedding. Saw a guy who had previously met at a party one time. Hit it off started dancing, vibes were vibing. He said let's get out of here, both of us were drunk but very interested in each other.

Once back at the hotel room, within maybe 3 minutes of being in the room suddenly got super overwhelmed with knowing that I needed to disclose. Just came out and said it, "this is the part where I tell you that I have herpes and hope that you're okay with that?"

His response was "you're just now telling me?"

And it made me think, I what point in the night would have been better? On the dance floor? As we were talking about getting into an Uber together? He probably would have said no then and just stayed with his friends, maybe I should have let him do that. Maybe a part of me was that if I disclosed closer to actually getting it on that I would get a yes. Amd i feel like shit for that.

I don't expect to date and get to know this man. And I totally understand that everybody does what they need to do for themselves. I just I'm rethinking the night and wondering if one night stands are just out of the question with HSV2?

I'm just at the point in time of my life where I'm hot and single, looking to just sleep around a bit with not much emotional attachment or investment into actually getting to know people. I just want to have some good fun but obviously be straight up.

For other people who are in my position, how do I do this? I don't really have a dating profile, I like to meet people in person. I'm super charismatic and sometimes things move really fast. I'm guessing the next time I should just disclose sooner before bringing somebody back to a room. I definitely felt like I put him in a position of pressure and I felt bad about that.

I've disclosed to two other people before who both said yes, one was in the heat of the moment and the other one was just earlier on in the night outside of the bedroom.

There's definitely a learning curve here. Advice needed.