u/Mammoth-Pop-6486

I’m a medical student and have always been interest in neuro. Today I saw a young girl with a new cervical spinal cord injury from a sledding accident. She has some sensation and had so much pain trying to change her suprapubic catheter, and was leaking during the visit and wetting herself which frustrated her and made her cry and get very upset. All the stories they told of her were about her being an active kid and sneakily picking tomatoes from someone’s garden my the handful and walking around plopping them in her mouth and busting her chin open falling down as a rambunctious kid and my heart was just breaking for her over and over and over. I had to come home and cry for like 45 minutes about the visit because it’s just so horrible that she has to face all of these challenges and it’s so unfair and her life is so difficult. I’m just feeling so distressed and sad for her but I also just love neuro bc I feel very moved by the patients and feel like they have some of the realest worst problems which motivates me to want to spend my life helping. I just need to get past the sadness. Does anyone else relate or deal with this?

I obscured my living situation… we immediately will have to do distance

I was in a new, bigger city 2 hours from where I live for a 6 week internship, which I’m coming back to for 3 more weeks in October. I wanted to give dating a chance mostly just to lighten my spirits and get me out of the house, since I don’t have a ton of friends over here. I met this guy and actually really liked him but kind of was obscure and maybe slightly dishonest/ misleading about my true living situation: that this is temporary and that I actually live 2 hours away (1:30 by train).

I wasn’t thinking I’d like anyone I met or take them seriously, then I sort of had a genuinely good first date which never happens for me. He was showing signs of kindness and accommodation on the second date. Then I cuddled him on the third date. I was extremely touch starved and felt a huge rush of oxytocin being held, and told him I really like him and I never really find people for me. Then we had relations on the 4th date and I stsyed the night.

He knows I’ll be around for 2 more weekends, and then I’m going back to my town for \~2 months after that for my next rotation, but I’ll actually probably be there for close to 4 months (til October) bc my next 2 rotations actually are down there which I didn’t really specify I just only talked about the next immediate one and also after those 3 weeks in October then I wont rly be back up here again for any more rotations. I’d have a 2 month chunk from October to December with more free time, to come and stay with him but I wont have my own place up here and if he wanted to stay with me, it would be that \~2 hour trip to see each other.

His work hours are such that he has 3 or 4 day weekends every other week. I’m not sure how to even proceed either way… I don’t want to cut it off but it’s just alot to ask to do distance when we don’t wven really know each other that well and I am not sure what to say for myself for why I started this in the first place and how not to lose his trust. Another problem is that I ront really see an end in sight for the distance situation. He’s just getting established at this job and forsees upward mobility. I have a another 2 years of school in the smaller town and wouldn’t really be able to relocate… the October thing is a small islands of time… i have some more flexibility starting in January with ability to take time off, but we just wouldn’t be able to live in the same city or same area. I also will have to move in 2 years somewhere that I font get a choice in the matter because of my career in medicine but let’s not think that far ahead.

I want it to last beyond these 6 weeks I’ve known him… I’m still having fun and am willing to let it be what it is and I was just taking it one step at a time and ignoring that it might not work bc I just need someone in my life and I NEVER like people and it’s been over 2 years since I’ve been with anyone.

I keep telling myself how my friends have situations where she worked with this guy for several months and then only kissed on the last day and then did long distance to Australia or how some of my classmates drive back and forth the 2 hours but all of those partnerships were more established and also built on more honestly about the situation…. I feel really awful for doing this to him. I’m extremely sad to lose him or end things here before they even really get started. I am so happy when I’m with him. He would be a great partner for me and he is a really kind person. We have a lot of rare things in common and I know it’s ridiculous but I love looking at little signs and his bday is +1 month and +1 day away from mine… I feel like he’s my “plus one.”

I still want to try for a little and see how it goes and I don’t want to end it here. I know I’ve only seen him 5-6 times before the move back/ distance but yea. We lived \~40 minutes away from each other as it was up here, and the Amtrak down to my other city is 1 hour 40 minutes which I know is rly bad but yea. What would you say to him to explain and do you think I should give up on it?