u/MammothTimely9690

Ever since my mom died, my father has been seeking companionship in secret. And we have talked and open about how "men have needs" and there is nothing I can do to stop him from seeking. But lately, I have been concerned to whom he is seeing with. and as a nosy person which i'm ashamed of doing, I discovered that he might be dating someone who is married/ has a partner. after learning this, I am angry and disappointed to my father for mingling someone who is taken. another thing is, the woman has been visiting our house for a few times masking as a 'co-worker'. And obviously every time I question my father, he dismissed me. he's becoming slowly distant and secretive. I fear he will eventually leave us over that woman and even mentioned about how he can't wait till me and my sister graduate. I fear that him involving himself in that type of situation would result to threats and might harm our family. I want him to open up soon because it's been bothering me for months now. and i also feel hatred against the woman because why would she keep pretending/ It's so low of her for settling on situations like that. I feel sorry for her because i know my father is a narcissist, egoistic, does not hold himself accountable, is also an asshole. i don't know why his treatment is so different to what i've heard from relatives and his friends. they know nothing about him at all. my father was a seaman and still stuck to his belief that 'being emotional is weak' mindset and is a misogynist.

I always feel guilty of wanting to leave my family behind , like being far far away from them. ever since my mom died, my immediate family (4 of us) haven't been the same since. I feel trapped, empty, because I've always tried to keep this family together. My father and my sister are not close and not always in good terms. I have a younger sister who is intellectually disabled. and I have a hard time keeping a good relationship between my father and my sister. and every time there's an argument between my sister and my father, I tried to mend it and become their peacemaker. and now, I noticed my family is drifting apart. we don't go out every Sunday for church, my sister would decline our family outings, I'm always left with my sister while my father wanders off and just drop us off anywhere when we go out and I was left to babysit my younger sister. another is my father secretly seeing someone, sneaks out and make excuses. I'm feeling so depressed that I wanted to escape from my situation.

nobody wants to get along, and I'm tired pretending like there's nothing wrong. we're literally like co-existing in this house at this point. Me and my sister don't even bond very well because we felt distant to one another. there are times i feel guilty if she ever wants to hang out when i don't want to because i'm still upset with her. i feel like my family is breaking apart and we just pretend like nothing happened. I think it's just me sinking into my thoughts and because I envy those who are closely bonded with their families. I hate this feeling.

Ever since my mom had passed, it was still hard for me to cope an adjust to all these changes. I also noticed that my father is already seeing someone and I remember asking him a question if he'll ever marry again and obviously it was still fresh, he would say no or deny ever doing that. and last new years, I asked him if he was seeing someone, to which he vaguely responded that people come and go and blah blah blah, not really answering yes or no. and recently, he's secretly seeing someone which I've met before but he introduced me to the girl as his "co-worker" thinking I'd buy that shit. and ever since then, he's been talking to that same girl for months now. idk why he'd ever hide that from me because it's becoming too obvious. to the point that it seems like he's not hiding anymore because he'd sneak out , comes home very late, oftentimes makes excuses and buys food or snacks as a compensation and a "distraction" to question his whereabouts. it's really hard for me to pretend that I don't feel certain anger, betrayal and annoyance between him and the girl he's seeing.

last week, he got into an accident because he went out by riding a motorcycle on the way to "work related stuff (obviously to see that woman) and I feel guilty of feeling happy it happened but sad at the same time. but even after that, that woman went to visit him (which i saw from our home cctv) and as soon as i came down they left just in time and i asked him 'who were they' and he said his "workers". and you know what irritates me more? I can still hear their conversations during calls which are inappropriate as if the walls are sound proof and i'm fucking traumatized. like it's disgusting to me because it's my own father. and it still haunts me and pains me so much that I'm so conflicted of my feelings. I just wanna know if anyone here also went through this situation and how they dealt with it.