u/Mango1Carrot3

TW: sub-pregnancy I read so many inspiring stories here on other posts of people having a perfect pregnancy and healthy baby right after TFMR. The day has finally come, and according to my last period, I am roughly 6 weeks pregnant, and also in full-blown panic mode. My partner is beyond ecstatic, but my very first worry is if I am having an ectopic pregnancy or not because the left side is experiencing random feelings of dull pain. This did not happen during my first pregnancy, and I know that every pregnancy is different, but I can never feel bliss about a pregnancy ever again. My OB is out of town and can’t see me until the 22nd, and because of the traumatic experience I had with my previous pregnancy, I have a hard time trusting seeing anyone else with my care. I know no one here can give any advice on if it is or isn’t ectopic pregnancy, but it would really help to hear peoples’ concerns that they had that ended up being nothing and just simply a pregnancy symptom of the uterus stretching or anything else. I’m at the point where I might just call P.P. and see if they can do an ultrasound just so I can have this assurance that the fetus is where it should be. Thank you for listening to me, as always. The pregnancy after TFMR group scared me with many peoples testing at home and other random things.

ETA: In my previous pregnancy that resulted in TFMR, my then OB didn’t put in the NIPT at the 11w appt like she was supposed to, did it at the 15w, and then scolded me that I was upset that the test wasn’t done at 11w, even though her receptionist assured me that the test was in. Her exact words “if you don’t like it here, you can just go somewhere else.” And every appt she tried to bully me into doing a Pap smear even though I kept telling her that I had a healthy result already for 2025 at a diff practice and she faulted me that her office hadn’t gotten those results. Lastly, when she called me to tell me the results (+ for T21), she was very cold and factual about it. I had already planned on switching because I managed to switch insurances and was with this one because of of my bad insurance at the time, but it was a rough go with her,

I know we have talked about it in this amazing community, but I need to get her off my chest as well. I’m starting to get really fed up with how many stories and reels I’m suddenly seeing of people showing how they kept their DS baby and what a blessing he/she is, while also subtly bashing the influencers for doing what they did. One that got under my skin in particular is Shannon Elliott, whose SIXTH child was born with DS and she randomly popped up onto my feed.

She is disagreeing with anybody who tells her that it was the parents choice to choose whether to terminate or keep, and justifying that you shouldn’t be a parent if you’re just going to terminate when they don’t come out perfect.

I terminated for T21. It was my first, and as of now still, only pregnancy. No regrets, just devastation for the diagnosis and the way my life changed. I always knew that I would if I had a baby like that because seeing a person with T21 fills my heart with sorrow rather than joy, especially like most cases I’ve seen which are more severe. I’m sick of the religious explanation that every child is a gift from God and that you are horrible for doing what you did. It’s pointless to explain to these people that your perspective is different and you don’t want the adult with T21 to suffer, and all of the other reasons that we have said countless times in this group. I’m not even sad anymore, just absolutely furious of what a strong voice these pro-T21 birth people have in the US, while stifling down those of us that chose to TFMR for such a hotly debated diagnosis.

I’m sorry if this triggered someone here. I just really needed to get off my chest of how downright unpleasant these self-righteous people are (who exploit their children and their privacy, especially their T21 child, who definitely cannot consent).

ETA: I think everyone should have a right to choose, regardless of the diagnosis. I can respect their decision to keep a baby, but I am disgusted that they can’t respect mine.

This was estimated to be the best weekend of my life, and instead, my period arrived. What a cruel reminder from the universe that not only am I not welcoming baby boy, but I am still not pregnant. I’m 4.5 months out from TFMR. I so desperately wanted to be by the due date to help me get through it, and I was five days late so I had hope. I also suddenly had symptoms that the last time I had were when I was pregnant….and then it just came yesterday.

I’m so sad and so mad. I looked like a vampire yesterday and just felt so awful. On top of that, it’s another cruel reminder that my SIL and BIL, who gave us zero support during this time and absolutely no empathy, will be welcoming their second healthy baby any day now. Why do they get happiness while I’m left in misery and these reminders? Just why?