u/ManufacturerLiving54

My buddy boy died back in October 2024. First dog as an adult, guided me through my 20s, by me thick and thin, you know the story. Coming up on 18 months since he passed and it doesn’t shatter me the way it used to.

I know how endless and unbearable the grief can be, and how it feels like nothing can help. Looking back, though, these are the things that eventually, compounded together, made it easier to move forward (though he will always be part of me).

1. Time. The rest of this list needed time to work. Only way out was through.
2. This subreddit. People in my life were like “aw, bummer :(“ but here I could see and relate to people who were going through it (or worse) just like me. It helped me feel not alone and gave me a place to offer some of that displaced love where it was needed. Lots of thoughtful perspective and support. When a friend’s pet dies, this is the place I point them to for when they’re ready. So if you’re here, welcome.
3. Saying it out loud. “I miss Broccoli.” That was his name, haha. But keeping it inside of me hurt so much and it boiled over in tears, pain in chest, etc. little by little speaking it relieved some of that pressure.
4. Looking for reminders of him in the world. Maybe it was a dog with red fur like his, or a park we used to go to. Not shying from those turned them from painful memories into fond ones.
5. Music. There are songs that remind me of him, or of losing loved ones in general, or beautiful music that helped me connect that spot of sadness in me back to the world. Buddy by Willy Nelson. Lulu by Mrs green apple. So many others. It will be different for everyone.
6. Dreams. The first few times I dreamed of Broccolj I woke up crying and full of longing. But now when I see him it’s such a joy. Whether he’s young or old my dream self seems to understand how fleeting the encounter is and I wake up full of appreciation.
7. Other animals. Not to replace him but to honor him by treating other pets and animals I meet with love and respect. So it’s like his influence persists long after he is gone.
8. Accepting myself and dogs as part of my identity. What it means to be a pet person isn’t just the walks or the lint rollers or any of that. We are people that have chosen to love these amazing beings that live such short lives, because of the joy and meaning they give us during that time. The suffering was always part of the plan, but we chose it, and choose it again, because the pain is worth it.

Not gonna lie, that’s pretty fuckin tuff if you ask me.

EDIT 9. Someone reminded me, I also went through all of phone and insta photos and added his to a dedicated album that I could look through to remember him.

(TW) Something that was really hard was the image of his last moments as he was euthanized—that horrible syringe of tan liquid, then the pink, going as I hurriedly tried to say goodbye— well, that traumatized the heck out of me. So keeping pictures of him in his better days near at hand and around the house served as a bulwark against the truly dark and terrible moments I wish I could forget. But even that doesn’t shake me the way it once did.

Anyway, I’m sorry you’re here but know that we see you and know what you’re feeling. DMs are always open if you need a chat.

It was probably twenty years ago at this point, but I stumbled upon the music video for this gem on the international music feed (RIP) and was blown away.

Even before I knew any of the language, the emotion and beauty of the piece stuck with me the rest of my life.