u/MapleMayj

I've had insomnia for about five years now, but recently it has gotten worse. I am currently getting around four hours of sleep a night, with no recovery through napping because I simply cannot nap no matter how tired I am.

I have tried so many things. I even quit caffeine for six weeks. It improved my sleep slightly; not longer sleep, but heavier sleep. The problem was that being sleep deprived while also operating without caffeine actually made my quality of life worse. I was exercising less, struggling to clean or function, and just felt awful. So I went back to caffeine, and now I am still sleep deprived, but at least operational.

I have tried what feels like every supplement out there. I refuse to go the addictive route, but I have tried trazodone, Gravol, Benadryl, and even edibles.

At this point, I am honestly exhausted from constantly analyzing my sleep, researching solutions, tracking patterns, and trying new things. Recently, I have started feeling something unexpected when I think about acceptance: relief.

For reference, I have zero trouble falling asleep. My issue is that I wake up around 3 a.m. every morning and cannot get back to sleep.

Lately I have been reading about how in older cultures people often had a “first sleep” and “second sleep.” Apparently middle-of-the-night waking was not always viewed as abnormal. Some people would get up to pray, reflect, read, tend the fire, or simply spend quiet time awake before returning to sleep.

I don't know if that idea is historically overstated or not, but something about it feels comforting to me.

I am beginning to wonder if I need to stop treating every nighttime waking like an emergency. Instead, I am thinking about reframing it as “Quiet Me Time.” A calm period where I can read something non-stimulating (factual or spiritual books), journal quietly in bed, or listen to an audiobook.

Maybe I fall back asleep, maybe I don't. But at least I am no longer spending those hours fighting with myself.

Is anyone out there treating their insomnia in the same way? What activities do you do? do you enjoy your wakeful time sometimes? I find if I keep my brain calm and relaxed and in bed (not getting up and doing stuff, no screens), I feel much better the next day than if I decide to just get up and get on with my day.

I quit drinking caffeine 30 days ago as I have an over active bladder and was waking at night and not being able to get back to sleep. My sleep HAS improved; I now only wake once a night, but i still can't get back to sleep. I am also in perimenopause and the cortisol spikes I get in the middle of the night are awful even with HRT. So I usually average around 5 hours a night with no possibility of napping. Today I felt absolute dispair after another awful sleep. I mean sleep was bad before, but at least the caffeine pushed me through the day. I would like to say, that my body, on days when i do get enough sleep, is good with lots of energy. Withdrawals are not a factor anymore. This is strictly trying to get through the days with chronic bad nights sleep.

I guess I am writing this post cause I am scared. I am scared I am going to go down the rabbit hole of consuming more and more and more. I Did wait till 230 in the afternoon before having it. I've read somewhere that as long as you don't drink caffeine the following day you won't develop a physical dependence on it. Funny thing is, I just barely feel more alert than before I drank it. I was expecting all this heart racing and energy people talk about. I guess that goes to show just how tired I am. Has anyone here had a similar issue where sleep remains poor after quitting caffeine? I have an appointment with a sleep clinic in a couple weeks, I hope they can help me. I genuinely like being off caffeine. I am more grounded and connected to the people around me. It's just so hard when you're also sleep deprived.