u/Massive_Mixture1

I (28F) have a sister (32F) who is getting married next spring. Our parents aren't well off, so early on I offered to help her out financially where I could, since I have a stable job and she works part time.

Over the past eight months, I've put in close to £4,000 towards her wedding — the deposit for the venue, half of her dress, most of the catering tasting fee, and a "loan" for her florist that she said she'd pay back after the wedding gifts came in.

The thing is, I was never actually asked to be a bridesmaid. I'm not on the planning group chat. I found out the colour scheme from a Pinterest board she forgot to make private. Every time I've brought up being more involved, she says things like "you're so busy, I didn't want to bother you" or "it's easier if just me and the girls handle the fun stuff."

So I'm apparently good enough to fund the wedding but not good enough to help pick flowers.

Last week she messaged me asking for another £600 for the DJ deposit, due in three days. I said I couldn't do it this time, since I'm still waiting on the florist money she promised months ago and I have my own bills piling up. She went quiet for a day, then called me crying, saying I was "abandoning her right when things are getting stressful" and that I clearly don't care about her happiness if I won't help with something this important.

My mum is now getting involved, saying I should "just help her out, she's your only sister" and that money "isn't as important as family." My dad hasn't said much but did mention I've "always been the responsible one" like that's supposed to settle it.

I told my sister I'm happy to help in ways that don't involve my bank account — running errands, helping address invitations, whatever — but I'm done handing over money to a wedding I'm barely a guest at, let alone a planning part of.

AITA for cutting off the funding when I'm still expected to pay but not treated like I actually matter to the process?