My bf’s (25) sister (27) and mother (55) are outrageously competitive and it’s affecting our relationship.
My lovely bf and I have been together for 3.5 years, he has great communication with me, always kind and loving, we have the same values and goals for our future, he is the best partner I could ask for and I love him so much. We both have good jobs and are looking to buy a house and eventually want to get married. I can easily tell him about concerns and he is always understanding and willing to try to fix the issue.
I met his family about 6-8 months into dating, initially the appeared to be super sweet and laid back but this didn’t last very long. After 3.5 years together hanging with his family goes like this: they tell us we need to go to their gathering, I swear they would throw a party for their 21y/o son taking a shit, that how often they need to have parties. for almost 2 years this happened every single week and they made us feel guilty if we said we might not attend, I usually sit in silence and on the rare occasion they ask me something I’m either cut off after a couple sentences or the mom or sister starts competing with me. For example they asked what sports I did growing up, I tell them I ran for 7 years at school and rode horses since I was 3. They asked my fastest times and told me they were minutes faster. The mom and sister love to tell me that the sister rode horses, yet don’t remember when and was extremely good yet they cant tell me the difference between English and western, tell me she jumped 5+ feet in a saddle with handlebars and she cut the horses toenails and shoed them every time she rode which was supposedly 1-2 times a week. I know it’s all BS but it’s still irritating. They brag how the sister has skied since she was 5, then when the mom asked when I started riding and said 3, she said “ well sisters been skiing since 2 and she’s a natural. If you try skiing you’re not going to be that good but you should still try.” I told them I’d try it but had no intention of doing it regularly because I really have no interest in it.
My bf and I went on vacation last year to one of my favorite places and all the sudden the sister tried booking a trip there for 2 weeks after we told her. Her friend bailed so she went to a similar place with her bf and his parents went out of the country and bragged about how the mountains they saw were so much bigger. They all asked about our trip afterwards and just compared it to how much bigger and better their trips were. Any time we tell them we wanted to go somewhere they have to go before us.
Before I stopped telling them my plans, they would ask where we wanted to go next and then book the vacation for themselves and beat us to it.
I mentioned my dream for when I get married and now the sister suddenly has the exact plan and told me I need to wait for her to do it first before I “copy” her. We went to a coworkers wedding which was huge but beautiful and when we had the parents over for dinner the mom said “I’m sure you want that huge wedding right” (she knows and has heard me say several times what I want) to which I responded “No, I still want the same wedding I’ve mentioned to you all several times, eloping in this National Park” to which she responded with a disgusted look. It’s crazy because before she was so supportive of it and since her daughter took over that idea she hates that I still want to do it. I told my bf and he assured me his sister is being dramatic and we’ll get married before them since she’s been with her bf for ten years and he hasn’t proposed despite her hounding him every single day for a ring. The parents and sister constantly judge the bf for not having the best job and how he’s so unmotivated. I feel bad for him.
His mom digs at my mom and I, asking why we don’t associate with my dad. One day I told her how abusive he was and that was why we don’t talk to him. She then proceeded to tell me how her dad was mean sometimes and how her coworker truly suffered abuse and what I went thru wasn’t that bad.
These people compete for every single thing even if it’s negative. I told them about an animal abuse case and they literally told me about how poorly they treated their last dog. I was so disgusted and my bf asked why they would even talk about that and the mom just giggled.
I love my bf and he stands up for me but these people are so competitive even if it’s competing for something bad and don’t even care to get to know me. Idk what to do or how to handle these people. It affects our relationship because it’s so awkward to bitch to my bf about his family, even if he agrees and his sister taking over our elopement plans is crazy even after calling her out she doesn’t care. Everything is fine when it’s just my bf and I but his family is so difficult.