u/Mateo_might_bite

Actual sex therapist here. While doing some research on female sexual preferences, I found some interesting studies that come up in my related articles. Thought it would be interesting to share.

Many women show a real subconscious pull toward sexual submission, especially with a matching strong, authoritative male. When it is fully consensual and fits what she wants, the data links it to higher arousal, better orgasms through alignment, stronger emotional bonds, and more satisfying longterm relationships for those women…Here is what the papers say, with quotes and full citations plus links. This is nuanced - it works best when it matches her desires, not as a default.

Women often have a stronger interest in submissive fantasies. “In two studies we found that women expressed a stronger affinity for fantasies about sexual submission than men did.”

Conley et al., 2024, Archives of Sexual Behavior)

https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02909-2

There is that subconscious link too. Women tend to automatically connect sex with submission more than men. When it does not match her preferences, it can lower arousal and make orgasms harder. But when it does match wanting a dominant partner, those problems go away. (Sanchez, D. T., Kiefer, A. K., & Ybarra, O. (2006). Sexual submissiveness in women: Costs for sexual autonomy and arousal. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32(4), 512-524.)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7263764\_Sexual\_Submissiveness\_in\_Women\_Costs\_for\_Sexual\_Autonomy\_and\_Arousal

A solid study with 181 couples nailed the key point. “Women’s submissive behavior had negative links to personal sexual satisfaction and their partner’s sexual satisfaction but only when their submission was inconsistent with their sexual preferences.” When it lined up with liking partner dominance, the bad effects disappeared. It then helped boost closeness and overall relationship satisfaction for both. (Sanchez, D. T., Phelan, J. E., Moss-Racusin, C. A., & Good, J. J. (2012). The gender role motivation model of women’s sexually submissive behavior and satisfaction in heterosexual couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(4), 528-539.)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51971247\_The\_Gender\_Role\_Motivation\_Model\_of\_Women’s\_Sexually\_Submissive\_Behavior\_and\_Satisfaction\_in\_Heterosexual\_Couples

In real BDSM scenes where women choose submission, things often look good. Submissive women in dynamics that match their romantic relationships (like full ownership setups) report solid sexual function, less stress, and strong connection with a trusted dominant partner. Many say the power exchange ramps up their pleasure. Dominants sometimes score highest on satisfaction, but aligned submissives do well too. (Botta, D., Nimbi, F. M., Tripodi, F., Silvaggi, M., & Simonelli, C. (2019). Are role and gender related to sexual function and satisfaction in men and women practicing BDSM? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16(3), 463-473.)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30773495/

Evolutionary studies fits here. Women who feel submissive in sex and romance invest more in longterm bonds and skip casual relationships more. They pair well with dominant partners who bring protection and stability. This setup supports lasting, committed relationships. (Jozifkova et al. on submissive women in BDSM groups

https://doi.org/10.1080/01639625.2023.2300683

also mate preference research on women favoring dominant males for resources and security in ancestral settings.)

On the authoritative figure side,research is more from kink surveys and attachment work. These protective, guiding patriarchal roles tap into needs for nurturance, safety, and surrender. Practitioners often report deeper trust, emotional healing, bonding, and stress relief when it is consensual. It can feel like a secure base that lets women relax fully. Evolutionary angles link attraction to strong, authoritative male traits with preferences for security and pair stability. (See caregiver dynamics in BDSM literature and attachment theory links; Aella’s Big Kink Survey data shows solid interest with reported fulfillment.)

And this was something I personally found really intriguing…

Strong, assertive women in regular life often have more forceful submission fantasies. It can be a way to let go safely. (Hawley, P. H., & Hensley, W. A. (2009). Social dominance and forceful submission fantasies: Feminine pathology or power? Journal of Sex Research, 46(6), 568-585.)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24263803\_Social\_Dominance\_and\_Forceful\_Submission\_Fantasies\_Feminine\_Pathology\_or\_Power

Bottom line from all this research…Plenty have that deep pull toward submission, especially to a fitting strong, authoritative man. When it is consensual, preference-matched, and done with good communication, it dodges the arousal and satisfaction drops from mismatches. It can instead boost personal pleasure, orgasm ease via better fit, closeness, and investment in a more loving, satisfying relationship. Not every woman wants this, and autonomy plus consent always matter most. Mismatched dynamics hurt things. So yes there is nuance to this and I found this interesting and hope you do too. Cheers and have a lovely weekend folk.

I keep seeing the same posts here and in other therapyrelated spaces. Clients are devastated, angry when a therapist terminates services, declines to take them on, or when something from the therapist’s personal life surfaces and the therapist chooses to step back. The underlying expectation seems to be that we should be flawless saints who exist only in service of our clients, untouched by ordinary human messiness, personal choices, or the need to protect our own peace.

That expectation is unrealistic, unfair, and ultimately unethical.

Let me be clear. I care deeply about the people I work with. I show up fully for every session, bring my training, my clinical judgment, and my genuine desire to help. But I am not your friend. I am not your parent. I am not your emotional support human on demand. I am a licensed professional offering a time-limited, paid service grounded in expertise. That service has very real boundaries, and those boundaries exist for excellent ethical reasons.

We are allowed to decline clients. We are allowed to terminate when the fit is no longer right, when we feel our own limits being pushed, when we sense a boundary violation, or simply when continuing would not serve either party. Forcing a therapist to keep working with someone they no longer feel safe or effective with is not ethical care…it is performative selfsacrifice that ultimately harms the client. The same principle applies in reverse: clients can and should leave any therapist who isn’t the right match.

Our personal lives are not public property. I don’t post wild content online myself, but I have colleagues who have faced public crucifixion for an old Instagram video of a night out with friends, a TikTok from years ago, or even a political opinion. The idea that a single glimpse of our humanity disqualifies us from practicing is absurd. Compare it to any other highstakes profession. A surgeon who enjoys a cigarette after dinner. A cardiologist who occasionally eats fast food. Their private choices do not erase their medical license or their skill in the operating room. The same logic applies to us.

Yes, we carry the burden of knowledge…We often know better than most what healthy choices look like, yet we still make mistakes, feel insecure, battle imposter syndrome, and navigate our own anxiety and ego just like everyone else. That does not make us hypocrites. It makes us human. Expecting therapists to live on an unreachable pedestal is what leads to burnout, resentment, and eventually poorer care for the very people we’re trying to help.

And let’s talk about the darker side that rarely gets mentioned. Many of us have experienced stalking, online harassment, or clients attempting to blur professional boundaries into reallife relationships. When that happens terminating or pulling back is not cruelty…it is basic selfprotection. We have families…our own mental health..and lives outside the therapy room. We are not obligated to become emotional sponges who absorb everything without limits.

Therapy works best when both parties respect the frame: I offer my expertise and presence for the agreed upon hour. You bring your honesty and effort. If that frame stops working for either of us the ethical thing is to acknowledge it and find a better path, not to demand perpetual devotion.

I’m not saying therapists are above accountability. Serious ethical breaches deserve scrutiny. But ordinary human imperfection, personal social media from years ago, or the decision to protect our own peace is not one of them.

If you’re a client reading this and feeling upset about a recent termination or boundary, I get it. It can sting. But please consider that the therapist who ended things may have done so precisely because they were trying to practice ethically and responsibly, not because they stopped caring.

We owe our clients our best professional effort during the time we work together. We do not owe them our entire lives, our flawless public image or our unconditional presence forever.

I’ve done about 25-30 time trial sessions on Spa with the Mazda MX-5 ND Cup and my best lap is sitting around 3:12 which is HORRIBLE because I was under 3 in gt7.. now on PC playing AC Evo. Just 2 weeks into the hobby. I I’m running full stock setup cuz I don’t really understand the depth of it.

I would love to know what I’m doing wrong because on the OG Asseto Corsa I do fairly when. But on EVO I’m CONSTANTLY having to worry about my throttle control cuz I end up fucking sliding all over the place. It’s not even funny anymore :(

I don’t know if missing something major or I’m just really bad at it and will get better. I have ZERO clue on how to improve and keep making the same mistakes. Is there any definetly way or plan I can follow to understand AC Evo better.. and if you ask why AC Evo.. I love the natural graphics and the ffb is really good