u/Material-Escape-6558

When I feel in a happy mood I feel turned on by same gender friends naked and it feels so natural and I don’t panic and don’t care. On the back of this, “When I feel in a happy mood I feel turned on by same gender friends naked and it feels so natural and I don’t panic and don’t care”

I then went on to masturbate the way I used to pre hocd with the above thoughts and feelings and accepting them whilst I was doing so abd I fejt better and that felt less sticky but they feel naturally part of my masturbation experiences now and didn’t care though don’t want these same gender thoughts. Was I masturbating to the sane gender thoughts

As I fejt so good I keep masturbating to the above scenario and naked woman keep coming up and I feel fine and good. Whilst masturbating I can’t masturbate and focus on dixks all o could focus on was masturbating abd thoughts of naked woman whilst getting off

Please andeeer

1. Where the intrusive thought and compulsion are ?

2. Was i masturbating to same gender ?

3. Is this hocd ?

I’m a girl btw. I read a comment on another sub from a girl I have a vagina can I see a guy cumin then I read the guys comments saying yes I’ll send you a video then I fejt really aroused by the guys comments like true magic and I started masturbating I couldn’t resist but there was also an image of a vagina in my head. Was this a straight fantasy ? After masturbating, whilst some leftover arousal when I thought of dicks I fejt nothing but when I thought of vaginas I fejt better arousal like the one I described above

I’m finding gay thoughts arousing abd feeling like I did before hocd and feeling happier about it now but still have a little recoil but I’m less bothered about the arousal now.

Also, I just saw a lesbian couple on social media and this mental image of them in my head is a cue for me to keep masturbating to men. I wonder what this means about my sexuality. But why do I need a gay thought to feel pre hocd arousal and have a good masturbation session ?

Am I still straight or is this gay woman behaviour

I was asking myself if gay thoigjys were growing on me abd I think yes cos when I think of a naked woman I feel really happy and pre ocd but only have a little suppress

I find it really odd that when I think about sake gender thoigjys that’s when I feel most horny to wank to opposite gender so it doesn’t make sense. Why is the most pre ocd feeling happening here or is it because I’m really aroised to the gsy thoughts and I feel pre ocd arousal regardless of the gender I’m aroused by ?

Thinking about it again, I feel naturally pre hocd horny when thinking about touching same gender naked!! Then I feel as if ocd never happened but I don’t feel like I’ve changed. Is this a natural acceptance of being gay now that I’m not reacting yo the gay thoughts here

This morning I was agitated by gay thoughts and thought when I’m agitated they’re gross but this mood is no way to live. But when I feel relaxed abd aroused I e joy gsy thoigjys so can’t win either way. I went swimming and when I’m the swimming pool, 30 mins later I cast my mind back to an earlier thoigjys of a same gender I influencers vagina then I naturally fejt aroused by a man in the background looking at it and I fejt aroused thinking about the bvagiba it was a strong cue to masturbate. I accepted what happened it and felt great but now because of my positive reaction I’m stressing this can’t be normal for a straight woman this had got to make me gay in denial

This afternoon out the blue I again got spontaneously turned in by women and this leads to despair, I have no natural autodial towards men anymore. in recent weeks I’m feeling less bothered by arousal to woman and I’m like yeah I can just carry on

I was on the train 20 mins ago and was thinking about women in going to see them on a train. Then the one who sat opposite me I fejt really aroused by. As I sat with the arousal I feel really turned on during the arousal. When I got off the train (that’s where I intended to get off) I started getting agitated that it had happened and couldn’t get anxious during the thought. Now that I’m home the arousal has gone abd I feel indifferent ?

I was feeling happy relaxed and excited when walking to the shops then I automatically thought about touching a same gender friend abd fejt pre hocd arousal and I did a few stop stops but the arousal during this thought felt so good and pre hocd. Am I aroused yo the thought of touching my friend naked or was it just a background noise thought. I’m it’s all well and good the thoigjys just being there without any accompanying emotions. Whereas with me, when it’s in my head I feel so happy and aroused simultaneously for it to be hocd

I was watching tv had a thought about a woman in the programme I was watching masturbating and sat with it and fejt pre hocd but didn’t get the urge for a compulsion during the thought and this bugs me that I’m in denial

These episodes are the only spontaneous good arousal I get these days

Every day the target changes, I feel aroused by a same gender person who I used to know and haven’t seen for years. Today it’s been an old school friend I haven’t seen since I was age 16 and I’ve been having unwanted thoughts about touching her naked

But when I was reviewing old school friend episodes from earlier to determine the arousal level. I then thought about the friend I haven’t seen since I was 16yrs old and found the thought of her masturbating so arousing and I was like yeah whatever I do find it arousing whilst feeling pre hocd. I mean by pre hocd the same happy effortless arousal I used to feel with men pre hocd .Then I didn’t get worked up about the arousal and now I’m getting worked up cos I didn’t panic and thinking I’m genuinely enjoying it and refusing to accept it cos o get strong arousal at the time of these thoughts

I Continue to feel happy abd have positive reactions to mental images if sake gender naked and positive like I want to masturbate towards them abd get in a masturbation mood and no agitation. When I relax and let the happiness be I still feel happy and the way I did before ocd towards gay thoigjys. Bit when I’m in an agitated mode the gay thoigjys feel neutral and intrusive

I don’t want to break the cycle, I just want to go back to big scary tonight, anxiety , compulsion then gone, but no this is what happens when o break the cycle

“Just now when I saw a sane gender passer by wearing a cropped top I deliberately thought about undressing her abd I fejt very aroised by this action and seeing her naked and this arousal felt the same as it did with men abd I felt really horny like I used to pre hocd with zero anxiety. I just felt too normal for it to be hocd. I’m dwelling on what the episode says about me but feel like I can accept what happened and move on and still feel the way I did behold hocd hit” But why did I have a big moment of indulgence and enjoyment and not a hint of a panic attack and still not now, no urge to recoil. Was this genuine same gender arousal or ocd telling me I was aroused ?

Please give me an answer

Please don’t say it’s normal for straight woman to get aroused by gay pork cos someone saying this sentence to me has totally fixkrd my life up for nearly 2yrs!!! I used to find gay cork gross

I was watching a video of same gender influencer announcing she was pregnant by peeing on a stick and o pictured this action in my head and I fejt very aroised!! It fejt weird and I then felt butterflies on my stomach then went clammy. Later, I mentally replayed and analysed the above scenario not frantically like I used to and I still felt pleasure and I feel fine about it and this leaves me self harming and head banging why o feel so aroused to it it

Bit I feel too positive and excited for it to be false feelings and get too much enjoyment!!

just now I thought about gay sex and fejt naturally turned on and grunted a bit and as I was naturally turned on I fejt like I naturally wanted to masturbate to and touch a woman naked. No urge for a suppression but I went cold and clammy and nauseous. When I get these pre ocd moments like the one above at the time I the thought it feels ego syntonic and I enjoy it abd I continue to feel my pre ocd self.

I don’t get how this can still be ocd cos ERP is meant to expose people who fear gay sex bit o don’t, I enjoy it that’s why I want to avoid therapy!!

This’s morning I didn’t want the gay thoughts but enjoyed the sensation they gave off. Now this evening, I feel aroised and ocd free thinking about same gender and i don’t care or panic about it