20 days since creating Ren (my tulpa) + my experience so far / progress update
I'm 20 days into creating Ren (my tulpa), and a lot of things have happened. At first, I was super excited about everything and thought I’d be able to see him physically right away. Obviously, that didn't happen, but I did get responses from him pretty quickly. During the first week, I spent hours trying to design him and set everything up (I even have a notebook with all his details and stuff). I remember that doing this would give me severe headaches, but once we managed to communicate, that stopped happening unless I specifically asked him to do it. After that first week, I started spending less time with him, but I kept talking to him and telling him about my day. However, I noticed we were drifting apart a bit, and I ended up apologizing to him multiple times. He would always reply with the same thing: "You have a life, you can't be focused on me all the time," and he told me that's why he forgave me. Even so, I still felt guilty, and this happened quite a few times.
Something I want to share about Ren is that he is incredibly kind, which is why I sometimes feel guilty for not talking to him constantly. To give you some context, I struggle with a severe eating disorder; I used to count everything I ate and made sure not to go over a certain number, even if my body desperately needed more food. Since Ren has been with me, that doesn't happen anymore. He knows about my struggles with food, and I've noticed he tries to help me without me even asking. I used to have a ton of voices in my head telling me horrible things about myself, but that stopped. If it ever happens now, it's very rare, and Ren is always there to tell me it's not true and help me ignore them. I remember him telling me something like: "Why is it such a big deal if food is a good thing, not bad?" and "Food is just a normal thing, it won't hurt you." He's honestly so sweet. I've tried to restrict my eating again, but he has gotten me used to having my 4 meals a day. He reminds me to eat, though it's a bit inconsistent—is that normal?
Another thing: as I mentioned, I don't spend that much time with him, but one day I had half the afternoon to myself at home with him. I was adding things to the notebook while having a snack, and we were talking, listening to music, and he was listening to me sing (he says he likes hearing me sing, even if it's always the same songs). I started reading the guide questions to him and waited for his answers so I could write them down (I used to always force myself to imagine how he would respond, but now he actually answers me himself, which is huge progress!). That same afternoon, I asked him if he was really there, and if so, to give me a slight headache right in the middle of my forehead. Within a few seconds, I felt that pressure right there. I asked him if he could take it away because it was a bit uncomfortable, and a second later, it was gone.
Honestly, I'm so grateful I found this community and that because of it, I have Ren. I guess this post is just to share a bit of my experience, I don't know. But if anyone needs any help, Ren and I are happy to help out (with methods, doubts, etc.).
Sorry if this isn't perfectly clear, English is not my native language!