Should I leave or stay after my bf who cheated on me came back
Hi, I am 18 (F) and I am in desperate need of advice. For context me and my bf who is also 18 have been in a long distance relationship for a year now. About a month and half ago I discovered through a friend that he has been texting multiple other girls and cheating on me. I did not argue or ask for an explanation I just sent him the chats , told him we are over and blocked him. This was my first ever relationship and we were close friends before he traveled and we became a thing so it was a very hard time for me. I could not eat or function properly it was also finals week and I could barely study and I risked failing my courses. Two weeks after I unblocked him, made all my accounts public and sure enough he started stalking my pages constantly and tried texting me about unrelated things in hopes I would reply to him yet always kept him on seen.
After I finally finished my semester and I was ready to continue healing without having to worry about any finals. He sends me a paragraph explaining why he did what he did and for some reason I replied back. I finally let out all of what I was feeling, I mostly kept arguing with him but one thing was clear it was the he wanted to take me back. I said no multiple times yet he was relentless and we kept texting almost daily after that. I know I should not have texted him but I was missing him dearly even after what he has done to me. I am always indecisive one day I tell him that we are done and the other I tell him I am not sure, yet he keeps insisting he always apologizes, says sweet things, asks about me, begs me to take him back, says he genuinely knows he fucked up and that there is no excuse for what he did but he is changed and does not ever want to become that person again, even after changing my mind a million times he stays, says he loves me and will wait for me for as long as it will take. He told me if I decide to leave him he will block me and just try to forget because I would hurt too much. The worst part of it is that I was so sure I wanted to leave him but now I do-not know what to do. I want to leave him forget what happened to me and move on yet part of me is scared I will come to regret it. The other part wants me to stay to try again but right now I do not love him the same anymore and I am scared to love him again get attached and then get my heart broken again. Some other part of me is also scared I wont find someone to love me the same way, I am also scared he is lying and what happened will repeat itself.
Yesterday when I tried to come to a decision I kept crying all day and couldn’t eat at all its like I am back to the day I found out. Please I know I am young and I will meet plenty of other people but I need some advice on what to do maybe from someone older or someone who went through something similar.