5 years together and I think choosing my dream might end us
today is homemade Thai glass noodles with chicken and veggies, but life changing decisions kills your appetite tbh ;))
i've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. we got together when we were teenagers, so in a lot of ways i don't really know adulthood without him in it.
he's my best friend. our families know each other, we have our routines, our places, stupid little traditions, plans we've talked about for years. there has never been some huge betrayal or terrible relationship issue that made me question us.
and somehow that makes this worse.
i got accepted into a program abroad that i've wanted for years.
it's four years.
this isn't some random opportunity i applied to because i was bored. i've been working toward this for a long time and when i got the acceptance email i cried because i genuinely didn't think i'd get in.
then about five minutes later i realized what it probably means for my relationship.
my boyfriend isn't coming with me.
and i don't blame him!
he has a good job here, his family is here, his friends are here, and he's finally built a life that he loves. asking him to throw all of that away and follow me to another country for my dream feels incredibly unfair.
but giving this up feels unfair to me too!!(
we've talked about long distance and neither of us is pretending to be excited about it. four years isn't six months. flights are expensive. schedules get busy. people change. i know some couples make it work, but deep down i don't know if i believe we would(
the conversation that completely broke me was when he said:
"i don't want you to stay here for me and hate me in five years."
and i said:
"i don't want to leave and spend the next five years wondering if i traded the person i love for a degree."
there was nothing else to say after that.
i think that's the part nobody prepares you for.
sometimes love doesn't end because someone stopped loving you.
sometimes life just asks two people to choose different door((((
if i stay, i'm terrified i'll resent him every time i think about the life i could've had.
if i go, i'm terrified i'll get everything i wanted and realize the person i wanted to share it with is gone.
i have to give them my final answer soon.
and for the first time in five years, when i picture my future, i genuinely don't know if he's in it.
would you risk a relationship like this for a dream you've wanted for years, or would you choose the life you've already built with someone you love?
Im so cooked(